Sound Check, Directions, & The Woman Eater

Okay first band things – we’re playing tomorrow 8/1/07 8:30 pm The Luna Lounge – we have a real sound check – which makes me shake my head, like I know what to do for a sound check – and as a public service here’s how to get to the Luna Lounge – (from their website –lunalounge.com

By Subway

From Manhattan
Take the L train and exit at the Bedford stop (the first stop in Brooklyn). Come up from the rear of the train onto Bedford and North 7th Street. Walk 3 short blocks south on Bedford until you reach North 4th Street, turn left and head east 3 blocks to Metropolitan Avenue. You will cross Driggs and Roebling. Continue 1/2 block on Metropolitan until you come to Luna Lounge. Pretty easy...

From Lower Manhattan (including the Lower East Side)
Take the J train to Marcy Avenue (the first stop in Brooklyn), exit from the station towards the rear of the train and come down from the elevated outdoor station onto Broadway. The elevated train line will be overhead. Walk 1/4 block west to the corner of Broadway and Havemeyer. You will see a McDonald's across the street. Cross the street towards McDonald's (don't go in...), and walk 8 short blocks up Havemeyer to Metropolitan. Luna Lounge will be directly in front of you now!

From Brooklyn (East)
Take the L train and exit at Lorimer. Come up from the station following the exit signs to Union/Metropolitan. Do not use the exit to Lorimer. (Kellogg's Diner is on the corner). This is the intersection of Union and Metropolitan. Walk 3 short blocks west on Metropolitan. You will cross under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway overpass. Luna Lounge will be across the street on the north side of Metropolitan Avenue.

From Brooklyn (South)
Take the G train to Metropolitan. Come up from the station closest to Union Avenue (Kellogg's Diner is on the corner). This is the intersection of Union and Metropolitan. Walk 3 short blocks west on Metropolitan. You will cross under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway overpass. Luna Lounge will be across the street on the north side of Metropolitan Avenue.

From Queens
Take the L train and exit at Lorimer. Come up from the station closest to Union Avenue (Kellogg's Diner is on the corner). This is the intersection of Union and Metropolitan. Walk 3 short blocks west on Metropolitan. You will cross under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway overpass. Luna Lounge will be across the street on the north side of Metropolitan Avenue.

From Queens
Take the G train to Metropolitan. Come up from the station closest to Union Avenue (Kellogg's Diner is on the corner). This is the intersection of Union and Metropolitan. Walk 3 short blocks west on Metropolitan. You will cross under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway overpass. Luna Lounge will be across the street on the north side of Metropolitan Avenue.

From The Bronx
Take the 4 train, 5 train, or 6 train to 14th Street in Manhattan and transfer to the L train. Exit at the Bedford stop (the first stop in Brooklyn). Come up from the rear of the train onto Bedford and North 7th Street. Walk 3 short blocks south on Bedford until you reach North 4th Street, turn left and head east 3 blocks to Metropolitan Avenue. You will cross Driggs and Roebling. Continue 1/2 block on Metropolitan until you come to Luna Lounge.

By Car Or Taxi From Manhattan
Approach the Williamsburg Bridge via Delancey Street. Stay in the lane that is second from the right. Take the exit marked 'S. 5 Street'. Proceed about 1/2 block to the traffic light. You will see handball courts on your left. Turn left onto Havemeyer. Cross under the BQE and proceed about 7 short blocks to Metropolitan. Luna Lounge will be across the street on the north side of Metropolitan Avenue.

Address

361 Metropolitan Avenue Brooklyn, N.Y. 11211
Cover: $ 8 – Doors open 7 pm.

Oh yes

The Woman Eater Bites.

Sorry for the bad joke but it just comes out – the film, an early hammer B&W horror film is even for the era pretty bad.

The film is about a Mad Scientist who goes into the Amazon Jungle and finds a tree who’s sap or something allows the dead to come back to life – the only catch is that you have to feed the tree women (why is never explained – maybe it’s something to do with the XX chromosome pair or is that asking too much of a sci fi film to actually have some science in it – naahhhhhh).

The Mad Scientist (MS) finds this out early in the pic during a trip to the Amazon where, just as he gets to the place on the map he had the natives are having a sacrifice (which is pretty good timing you have to say) to the tree – there is some hoo – ha – a native girl is sacrificed to the tree ( she is played by of all people Marpessa Dawn who was the star of the French Film Black Orpheus – she was from Pittsburgh apparently but couldn’t find any decent film work in the US because she was black so like Josephine Baker ended up in France), one of the MS’s companions gets a spear in the chest and people drum and someone dances with snakes.

The MS is later found sick with fever and rescued – with a native as a companion.

Another side note is that while this was supposed to be happening in the Amazon, the actors playing the natives were either black or Indian – well it was shot in England and Amazon River natives would be hard to come by. End Side note.

The Next thing we see is a screen title saying “Five Years Later” and the MS driving up to his country home, getting out of his car, picking up the mail, going to his office and then opening the locked door in his office to his lab where his native companion (NC) is sacrificing a woman to the tree. (He drums for a bit to pad the whole thing out, then guides the poor woman to the tree – which is of the goofy looking monster from mars looking living tree – well it was hard to make living moving tress menacing in those days). First I thought gee his timing is pretty good – just happens on a sacrifice twice (well it is a movie but still).

At this point the MS talks about the sacrifice not being in vain.

Now here is where I started to lose the damn tread of the deal – one – how did the MS get the damn tree into his basement lab? A seed? Cutting? What? And just how many babes have they tossed into the damn tree over the years? Over the course of the film they manage to toss several the tree you’d think people in a small town would notice such a thing.

Anyway there is then a moment where we meet the female lead she is working as a Hawaiian dancer at a traveling caravan – which is okay, the only problem with that is she’s blonde, like Swedish, like raped by Vikings over several generations blonde and not many south sea islanders are blonde as best I can tell – well it was I suppose an excuse to put her in a sarong – not only do makers of these kind of films seem to have issues with women, they have to put them in humiliatingly skimpy costumes.

What a quit show business?

By means of what we can only call plotting because you want something to happen she meets the male lead, an automobile repairman of astounding misogyny (‘I dislike women who know about cars’ is a kind of real quote from him) who points her to the MS’s house where she gets a job.

The police are stiffing around because of a vanished girl (you still wonder is that the first? Were their others) there is a bitter older female housekeeper that MS once was having something with but now isn’t and the evil native servant who drums and shoves women into the tree.

It’s all very tedious and British – the actors are all good to fair actors (which you don’t get in American productions like this I can tell you) but actually that is a bit of a downer since part of the fun of a clunky bad film is the bad acting - which you don’t really get here, real actors were making this film, not producer’s girlfriends and the like.

Because he batshit insane – I mean really even if the sap from the tree raises folks back from the dead is it worth feeding it a constant steam of babes? I mean really who would be the first in line to get the up from the dead syrup in real life? Folks like Dick Cheney or Rupert Murdoch – and neither of them are worth one hair off the head of a hot babe, never mind feeding it to the tree (who seems to hug rather than devour his victims).

Anyway back to the batshit insane MS – he strangles his housekeeper dead then as the police close in (British police in these kind of films to tend to close in eventually) he says he has fallen in love with the female lead, then shows the female lead the tree and tires to resurrect the housekeeper – who while the body gets up – the mind is go.

“The mind is our secret” the sinister native servant says, “not for you”.

Now this strikes me as really taking the long way around to attack somebody – or deny him. Just say not to taking the tree or don’t go with him and the tree will die as he tries to feed it puppies or some such – this is just too lengthy – unless, as it seems the sinister native likes shoving women into the tree cause he tries to do with to the female lead – at which point the MS grapples with the servant, male lead arrives and drags away the female lead .

Now here is where things just don’t work – the law of monsters says, if you keep a monster in the basement, that monster will eventually eat you – or do damage in some why (see Frankenstein, et al) but that doesn’t happen here – the MS stuns the servant with a punch then tells him ‘I will destroy your god like you destroyed me’ (ah sir, there was really no reason to completely believe the native servant and start tossing women into the tree – at least without trying an alternative or two so don’t go all innocent on us okay? It’s insulting); Then he tosses a bottle of something on the tree which goes up like they had been watering it with lighter fluid and then the servant tosses a dagger in the MS’s back killing him at which point the servant kneels in front of the tree as it burns – the end.

Yep neither ends up as tree food – which in a monster film honestly you expect that hoist on their own petard moment yes? Hell even Ed Wood knew that – why else toss Bella to the fake Octopus? But not these guys.

Hope to see you tomorrow –

Peace, Love, Soundchecks

Coney Adieu, Luna Notes, Joe and Ingmar

Busy with stuff Friday so no blog sorry – personal dull stuff as well.

Spent Sunday with the Enemy Below and Insect Girl and the Enemy Below’s Parents at Coney Island where it rained a lot until it was time for the cyclones game and then it stopped just in time for the game – which was fun – Cyclones lost which was bad but it was fun anyway – small ball parks are fun – back I suppose more towards the roots of the game itself town and company teams and the like.

Speaking of waxing nostalgic for a past that is gone, Coney Island is undergoing serious changes and will continue over the next few years – mostly that the arcades and the rides and the low rent souvenir stands are going to be torn down and condos will be built in their place – in some ways there is an irony or a measure of something (people use the word irony in all sorts of wrong ways – Yes you Alanis Morrestte I’m calling you out on this) it’s a measure I guess of how the world has changed that what was once called ‘the poor man’s paradise’ Coney Island is now going to be just another beachfront community with expensive condos – albeit with the Cyclone, the Wonder Wheel and the Parachute ride still standing (as they have been landmarked) – from what I can tell the rest is going under the wrecking ball.

I’m of a couple of minds here – I don’t honestly like seeing things get plowed under especially things with such a history – but the great days of Coney island are long in the past – the Steeplechase which my dad remembers with great fondness was closed in 1964 – Luna Park – called a fairy land of lights closed earlier than that – 1946 . Robert Moses put low income and subsidized housing on land that had been used for amusements (Moses did not like city people and more over really didn’t like ‘tawdry’ entertainment ‘she walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile’ so I wasn’t surprised to learn this)

What’s left are some pretty low rent deals and a general sense of shabby run downness – the attractions need painting the arcades games are old – so change is going come – that it’s going to make Coney into a pretty dull place with a gap and starbucks on each corner like a lot of the gentrified parts of the city is sad but nobody seems to have any kind of vision for the place other than that. Which is even sadder I think. We’ve become just too bland – no place for the quirky and the bizarre, at least in places near the beach.

Speaking of quirky and bizarre – we will be playing in just a few days at the Luna Lounge in Brooklyn yo! Yo! Yo! And all that. Side note the classic Brooklyn accent that was celebrated in story and song and all those world war 2 movies – in the platoon there was a smart mouthed yak from Brooklyn who along with the guy with picture of his girl in his pocket was going get killed before the end of the picture the only difference would be that the Brooklyn guy usually got killed in the middle while the guy with the picture would get in near the end (he almost lived ahhhh the tragedy – another word misused a hell of a lot) has pretty much disappeared with the exit of the Irish from the borough after world war 2.

Anyway we are playing Wednesday 8:30 8/1/07 – full band again – no accordion but we will try to carry on – we have a new song for you as well – we hope you like it. It’s called “Scottish Love Song”.

The Luna Lounge details are

Bob Muir & The Enemy Below
8/1/07
8:30 pm
361 Metropolitan Avenue
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11211
Cover $8.00

For directions and other stuff check lunalounge.com

Come bring friends –

Meantime word has come down the internet that Ingmar Bergman the famous Swedish director of films like “The Seventh Seal” and “Franny and Alexander” and the like has died along with Joe Walsh coach of the 49er’s. Which would I assume Ingmar in some weird dark Swedish way. I haven’t seen a lot of films by Bergman – one because I keep trying to find off center things to watch like the Esperanto language film William Shattner made (Incubus – I’m not making this up, go ahead look it up) and I’m not all that heavy I think – I liked The Seventh Seal but honesty in the end I’m blessed if I know what it means. I understand it at some sub-verbal level but I can’t put that understanding into words.

Joe Walsh proved a couple of things – one you can play ball control by passing and two you can run on the prevent defense. Not as important to the world’s cultural stock as Bergman but every team in the NLF knows about the west coast offence (as do most fans by now).

Picture is of the other Coney Island roller coaster the Thunderbolt – it was torn down in 1999 or so as the Cyclones Stadium was going up.

Got to go – more later – I’m hoping woman eater is at home but we’ll see.

I just realized how strange that sentence reads “I’m hoping that the woman eater is at home.”

Time to stop.

Peace love ride the cyclone.

Petrifed Padding, Open Mike, and Guitar Smashing

Watched the incredible petrified World last night ½ of it before I went to the open mike and ½ after I got back.

First the open mike – nice fun to do and I always treasure the blank look on people’s faces when I do the Hannibal Lector bit in “I’m sorry” or “Stacy” If I can’t get laughs I’m more than willing to go for the WTF look – or that small uneasy look people get when they aren’t quite sure how to respond to what we are doing. Yeah it is supposed to be funny but sometimes it’s a creepy funny – I can be creepy sometimes so can the Enemy Below, it’s in our natures. For some reason I find the chorus of Skulls by the Misfits (“I want your skull, I need your skull” done over and over again) funny along with their “Mommy can I go out and kill tonight” – yeah I’m pretty sick at times.

Had my usual problems with some of the singers there – there is a song style that consists of the singer just going on and on with vague lyrics and the odd cliché tossed in – I kept wondering ‘does this song have a point? – what are we supposed to be feeling here – this? Cause I’m just getting uncomfortable and bored”

Now songs with lyrics that don’t make linear sense are fine – as long as the song writer knows what they are about – otherwise we’re off in the ozone with no actual plan.

One cliché that popped out at me last night was the one about ‘took my breath away’ – if she took your breath away why the he is still talking. It just bothered me.

The Incredible Petrified World is in a word – dull. It’s a Jerry Warren feature that even at a run time of 1 hour and 9 minutes has more padding than a boxcar full of bullet bras from the 1950’s.

The story starts out with stock footage of waves or a storm – I had seen this before in the open credits to It Came From Beneath the Sea – and then there is more stock footage while someone babbles about the mysteries of the sea while we see fish swim – then we are at a cocktail party someone say something bad about diving bells and then we are at sea – both picture wise and literally – we having the faintest clue what’s going on. People go down in a diving bell – there is an accident they find a series of caves under the sea that they can live in for a while, they wander about, talk about shellfish, they find a man who has been living in the caves for 14 years and during that time has put on the fakest looking beard in the movies (like he took raw wool and just stuck it on his face) another diving bell is made, underwater the volcano erupts after the old man comes unglued – him not his beard – he dies in the eruption – the rest escape in the new diving bell – the end.

I mean that’s it – nothing happens – at all – there is some mention of things off screen but we are only told about them, there is some kind of sub plot with the bitter lady news photographer, the male lead kisses the other female – John Carradine talks a lot about the construction of diving bells (you paid him he would be in your picture, he didn’t care what he did as long as he got paid – really the man was the ultimate gig whore) and someone at the end desires a 2 inch steak – (I don’t know if they still do that these days) and the film ends and you want that time back so badly you start to cry.

I think it’s going to be a while before I let myself see a Jerry Warren film again. Even I can only take so much. Ed Wood’s films have an inherent inner weirdness that fascinates Jerry’s in addition to being bad are just flat out dull as hell.

Random Neural firings:

Subpoenas going out to Karl Rove and another creep. I expect they won’t answer these either.

Calls in the Senate for a special prosecutor to investigate Gonzales.

Housing sales are down like a lot – this can’t be good.

Nervous about the gig – but that’s normal – I just want a good turn out. And remember 100 paying customers we smash a guitar.

Promise.

Peace Love, smash yer guitar

Random Wednesday: Dagon, Python and King Dick

I am informed by Nexflix that the next film on my list of crap “The Woman Eater” (god did every guy who made b-movies in the 50’s have issues with women? It sure as hell seems that way – the woman eater , good god) that said the film is coming from yet another part of the netflix centers (again showing just how long long long towards the end of the long tail this junk is) so that’s one for the blog.

Still pondering Manos – but that’s a weekend project – too many great people have written about Manos I feel the need to do right by this horrible film – not just type off the cuff impressions like ‘oh my god make it stop! make it stop! AHHHHHHH!!!!!! His Knees! His Knees! Tekil-Li! Tekli-Li! My god! The Window! That hand! The Window!”

Sorry channeled a little H.P. Lovecraft there – was a big fan when I was younger – you have to read him when you are younger, otherwise you start giggling – or start thinking Side note: the last bit “my god – the window, et al – is a remembered quote from the last lines of a short story of his “Dagon” about the narrator’s unfortunate discovery of the existence of a living and very cranky ancient sea god who in the end follows him to his apartment and kills him. Now the problem of course is that someone faced with said cranky and ancient sea god would not TYPE “oh my god the window” et al. He’d shriek it out loud yes? But when you are a kid this kind of thing doesn’t quite register as silly as much as it does later on.

From Monty Python and the Holly Grail

“The holy grail is at the castle argggggggggggg”
“Argggggg?”
“He must have died while carving it.”
“Look he wouldn’t have bothered to carve arggggggg if he was dying. He’d have just said it”
“Perhaps he was dictating it”

So best to read the guy young.

Off to the races – with the House deciding on criminal contempt citations for Harriet Meyers and John Bolton (he of the angry mustache), the Senate mulling censure for the lying weasel, sorry the attorney general and the steady drip drip of bad news and blood from the Middle East – the news is dominated by a pretty woman’s drug problems.

You know at least the Roman Emperors gave out food along with their circuses.

Meantime a democratic congressman who is on the dept of Homeland Security committee wanted to look at a secret white house plan for maintaining government control in case of a massive and disruptive terrorist attack – he had the proper clearance and review of the plan is a part of his job – but he was refused permission, no reason given, simply refused permission.

As with the domestic wiretapping plan, the only reason they wouldn’t allow a democratic congressmen to look at the plan has to be because the plan goes something like this:

In case of Emergency:
1. Crown Dick Cheney King
2. Arrest all democratic congressmen and other major party members
3. Crown Dick Cheney King again
4. Arrest anybody who is not loyal
5. Steal everything not bolted down
6. Unbolt things bolted down
7. Steal those things
8. Have barbeque using copies of constitution and the papers of Thomas Jefferson, Tom Paine and Lincoln as kindling.
9. Crown Dick Cheney King
10. Invade someplace
11. Escape (with loot) to United Arab Emirates
12. Crown Dick Cheney King one last time.
13. Reestablish Slave trade
14. Put up plaque praising your efforts to keep America safe

And so on. Grim fantasies just come too easily to me these days.

Peace, Love, The Window! The Window!

A Daffy Duck Style Birthday

My birthday and it’s just a miserable day work wise, creative wise and otherwise – well days come and they go. One can do little but keep on yes? Or no. you could always curl up in a ball and whimper but that was never quite my way. While I pretend sometimes that I’m just lonely old eeyore, I’m too much of a smart mouthed wise guy to keep that pose up for a long – plus I get too pissed off at things. Hence the Daffy Duck Pic.

Okay – can we at least impeach Gonzales? Nobody, not even his own people like the little weasel, and dear lord what kind of serious crimes done by real bad people is going undetected and unpunished because this nitwit and his boss want only pliant political hacks to do their dirty work for them. (This is just another reason why the next president is either going to have to be one of the great policy wonks of all time or – get some one on his/her team who is – there is so much to fix the mind boggles).

And really, while a Senator may decide because of this or that, that he or she wouldn’t be able to vote to convict Cheney or W, but really who is going to risk re-election by going to the wall for this little creep? Now they’d try and make it a matter of loyalty to the president to support little G but he’s only got 18 months left in office himself, he doesn’t have too much to either promise or punish with. But we’ll see what happens. But Al has got to go.

Off to the Met game tonight – not sure why they are still in first at times - this is one of them but I am in zee mood no?.

Read the phrase ‘experimenting with their sexuality’ the other day. It’s a phrase that has always confused me – mostly because it suggests you’re taking notes while you’re doing what you’re doing - which seems to defeat the whole purpose of the activity.

No time to go into great detail – got the Petrified World from Netflix and it looks awful like two sets six actors and nothing really happens most of the time until the end when stuff blows up (and it’s not done as well as in The Transformer’s Movie). Bad acting and dialogue ahead!

My nieces have finished the new Harry Potter book and they seem please if sad that the series has ended. The weird backlash Harry got the last few days before this book was published on how this was bad or reading or books or some such was just fricking stupid – a mark of just how petty, narrow minded and above all jealous of someone else’s success the literary establishment has become. Saucers of milk all around!

And so off we go. More tomorrow – if I don’t just stay in bed in a funk. Nah can’t do that, got an open mike tomorrow.

Later

Peace Love You’re despicable.

Rain and a Sun Demon

A Monday and rain. You’d think there would be a statutory regulation against that combination but here we are – at our desk with the Dockers drying slowly in the AC (no I didn’t take them off).

Perfect day to write about The Hideous Sun Demon.

No it wasn’t hideous, it wasn’t very good, but it wasn’t hideous – hideous I have to hold for things like Mesa of lost women or Manos (and I fear the urge to run up that mountain is taking hold in my like a fever in my blood). Dull and pointless yes, hideous no.

The story is the basic werewolf tale – male turns into monster, kills, gets killed the end. There isn’t a lot of leeway with this tale – the template of all these The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is not a very long book itself – so once the lead turns monster there isn’t a lot to do but kill him.

So even for a movie that is only One Hour and fifteen minutes (it feels longer but it isn’t) there is a lot of padding.

The story opens with a voice over telling us about the strange case of blah blah and we follow stock footage of an ambulance into a hospital. There we meet the female lead and the Older Scientist. Turns out there was an accident in the lab with the three (Female lead, the Older scientist and the Male lead all worked at) we don’t see it, which, with it being a movie and all is kind of strange, movies unlike plays can show things (unless they tried to shoot it but it wasn’t very good or more likely the budget didn’t allow it – but the up shot was that the male lead just took a massive dose of radiation from a new radioactive isotope (which was the big buzz word back in the late 50’s radioactive isotopes were going to do all sorts of things but it was discovered mainly they caused cancer and they haven’t been the big deal as much).

Older Scientist (OS) says it was because the Male lead was hung over “I’ve told him, whiskey and soda mix, not whiskey and science – the female lead says he just had a headache (getting rather tearful about it at the moment), but the OS will not be moved. As I watched I thought having to work day in and day out with this sanctimonious old goat would drive anybody to drink. Still as we will see the male lead not only has a drinking problem, he is stupid as well which is a lethal combination when dealing with radioactive isotopes, or well just about anything. I’d be leery if the goober had had a ball of yarn in his hand.

Days pass – on film and it felt like that as I was watching. The male lead is showing no ill effects (hair loss death) from his exposure – then they take him out to the roof to get some sun and ta-da – he turns into the hideous sun demon of the title. There is some pseudo science who-haw about evolution and that the male lead has under the influence of the sun turned lizard-ish. It’s an excuse to dress the male lead in the suit, that’s about it.

Aghast at being someone who turns into a lizard in the sunlight – the male lead quits his job and spends time in his house (nice one I have to say) and standing on a cliff or such. And at night he goes to a real 1950’s style dive bar – and there sees, doing the worst job of pretending to play the piano in the history of movies and singing just one god-awful jazz-style torch song (thank god for the Beatles) is the bad girl (you can tell she is the bad girl cause she’s blonde and has cleavage) the male lead (hereinafter ML) is smitten and keeps coming back finally talking to the bad girl (BG) who, because we need someone for the ML to kill later has a thug boyfriend – the ML and thug fight then he drives away with the BG to the beach – where in an almost daring for 1959 moment they have sex on the beach – well we see them kiss there is a bit where the bad girl drops the blanket she’d been wearing (don’t get too excited she also has a coat on) then, then there is a shot of, yes waves crashing on the beach – you figure it out.

I’d like to say, as much as Hollywood seems to like sex on the beach the whole issue of sand, sand lots of it getting into places that you really don’t want sand getting into makes me uncomfortable just looking at couples on the beach in the movies.

Well we fade to black and we come back with the happy couple dozing on the beach as the sun is coming up – ML realizes this too late (stupid, horny, drinking problem, and condition that makes him turn into a lizard in the sunlight, is just a lethal combination) drives off, leaving the vile temptress on the beach as he turns into lizard.

Then there is some more time filling actions with the Female lead and the OS and a new specialist who offers hope – which ML proceeds to piss away by staggering out in the dark to the Bad girl and the thug and his friends (after melting down and say why me why me? - Because you were hammered while working with radioactive isotopes maybe? Or you’re stupid and a jerk and have a drinking problem to boot?) – he ends up killing – it’s not important how, but he ends up killing the thug and then flees back to the female lead and then runs out again giving female lead final farewell kiss (this is what you call padding) then more padding ensues as he hides from the police in a shack in an oil field in LA (I assume this has long since closed).

In the last bit of padding, the Male lead is helped by the plot device of ‘the stupid child who wouldn’t last 12 minutes in the real world’ who befriends the male lead as he hides in the shack – she apparently plays there, a lot she has dolls and toy tea cups and the like there – just the place I’d chose if I was a little girl. (By the way the stupid child’s mother is doing house work in high heels which if for nothing else makes me thank god we’re not in the 50’s anymore).

The finale takes place on one of the huge oil or gas (I don’t know which) tanks where the Sun Demon is chased by one cop (what is this not wait for a back stuff when dealing a) with a walking lizard and b) He’s at the top of an oil storage tank he’s not going anywhere soon) they fight – Demon doesn’t kill the cop (everybody else he struggled with is dead this cop no) and if eventually, in King Kong moment shot and falls from top of storage tank – it’s way high up and rather effective, unlike the rest of this damn film.

The end consists of everybody looking at the pretty badly mangled body of the now deceased hideous sun demon. The point? Who knows? The Demon is dead and the credits are rolling, time for the next film.

Peace, Love, Bad Girls.

Friday, Badgers and the Film Crew

Oddly this looks to be a much quieter Friday than normal – there have been big time quarterly meetings so now the people who were at those meeting have gone home and will spend today going over all the e-mails they didn’t read while they were here. So nothing much looks to happen.

Just as well – I’m more tired than is usual for a Friday – not sure why, weather, some stress, other things who knows? I’m dragging for sure, that’s all I know.

The White House is ratcheting up the subpoena issue – now claiming that the justice department can not enforce a subpoena once a claim of executive privilege is made. It’s like being on base during a game of tag, without anybody being able to say “one, two, three, get off my father’s apple tree” (Sorry to be childish but it’s either that or I start cursing). The claim has been called staggeringly broad.

No shit.

Anyway we have two of W’s minions who will not answer subpoenas and the White House Claiming executive privilege in them not answering it. Clinton claimed executive privilege during his run in with congress and Nixon did too – both lost. I suspect that Cheney figures with the 5 reactionary yahoos on the court (“the Magna Carta was only intended to protect the nobility and since we have no nobility in the United States, therefore citizens don’t have those protections”) he can take a chance with this.

We’ll see what happens. I’m not sanguine.

You know I can understand loyalty to a cause and ideal I just can’t get this blind slavish loyalty to W. I mean come on – you’re going to go into the tank for him? W who has a sign on his desk in the oval office that reads “Not my fault – ask me how” – this is the one people are falling on their swords for? Shouldn’t people do things to deserve that kind of loyalty? Not just sit there and pout when Nancy Pelosi is talking or ride bikes. Really. It just boggles the mind. I mean they have to know W will toss them under the bus in a heartbeat. I just don’t get it.

Some quick notes – seems like we have no plan, as in none on how to withdraw the troops when the time comes. Par for the course. I’d start forming lines to get to the roof of the embassy right now.

The Iraq Parliament is going to go on vacation in August. I suspect a lot them will not come back.

The sound of moving goal posts: Now we being told we’ll have to wait for November for the final word on the surge in Iraq. Anybody not see that coming? I mean this thing needs a shot clock.

A thought: Impeach Gonzales first – nobody likes the little shit anyway – hell even W calls him Fredo. Not too insulting eh? Then with the dirt that brings out into the light – get Cheney – who nobody is willing to go to the wall – by that time the elections should be in view so impeaching W may not be practicable but the ground work for charges to be filed after he leave office will have been done. I mean there is always the Hague.

Things in Iraq have gotten so crazy that the British Army was forced to issue this statement: “We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area." This after rumors that savage man eating badgers were on the rampage in Basa. Turns out a beast called the Honey Badger lives in the area and with the disruption the war has brought no doubt several wandered into Basra looking for food. It gets the name Honey Badger due to its taste for honey (destroying the hive) not for the sweetness of its disposition. Males can get up to about 25-30 pounds and like European and American Badgers just nasty as hell. Very very strong for their size big claws on their front legs, nasty sharp teeth and a fearless attitude combine to make the beast just plain bad news.


Looks like the hideous sun demon will get to my house before the other film. I memory serves it’s about a guy who becomes victim of an Aztec god’s curse or some such and there froe when exposed to the sun turns into the title creature. 50’s film – budget of 20 cents all told.

Meantime in news that will have me smiling for a while – three former member of MST3K (Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Colbert – aka Mike, the voice of Tom Servo and the Second Voice of Crow T Robot) have joined up and as “The Film Crew” are now providing MST3K style snark in a direct to DVD format. I was a) wondering when they were going to get around to doing this and b) you guys need any help?

Peace Love, In the not to distant future…

Ka-Boom, the Poor and Hideous Sun Demons

About 6 yesterday evening a steam pipe near Grand Central Station blew up – one person was killed 4 people are in serious condition, 20 others were hurt and it seems like ever newscaster on television pissed in their pants.

The stories on the TV emphasized panic in New York, well the only ones that I saw panicking were the newscasters – pictures from the site showed people in New York doing what people in New York when something has happened – stand and watch.

Now I’m sure that during the initial moments there was panic galore I mean shit one moment you are late for the 6:10 home and the next the street opens up and there is a geyser of steam blowing into the sky, that’s going to panic me right damn quick – but any additional panic was spread by the newscasters who from the clips I saw, were having a hard time keeping their eyes from rolling around in their heads while they jabbered like magpies. Not one of the professions’s shining moments I have to say.

The pipe is yet another part of the ‘city’s aging infrastructure’ that we only deal with when it blows up or, in the case of bridges, when pieces fall off into the river. But the decay of the infrastructure is a national scandal and we’re going to be paying for that soon enough (except for the shiny new bridge to nowhere in Alaska – I swear if this wasn’t our money and real people getting killed this maddness would be hysterically funny) another thing the Next president is doing to have to deal with.

Speaking of which it seems that Edwards is the new Al Gore – at least to the press who hated and still hated Al Gore – by the way there was an attempt recently to gotcha Al by pointing out that Chilean Sea Bass (which had been endangered) was served his daughters rehearsal dinner. Okay 1) who gives a fuck what people with a lot of money serve at their rehearsal dinners 2) I understand Sea Bass was (as in past tense) endangered but is not now (which is the whole idea of conservation not that you can never do X but to stop doing X for a while and let nature restore itself ) and 3) Rehearsal dinners are given by the In-Laws of the Bride not the Bride’s family which in the old days was shelling out for everything else (not so much these days – lots of folks I know have paid for their own weddings)

Anyway the point is that somehow it’s become a talking point that since Edwards spends a lot of money on a haircut he can’t be interested really in poverty – and hence a hypocrite. If Edwards had pretended to be middle class while owning a huge house on Cape Cod or carried on and on and on about the sanctity of marriage while going to hookers I could see the hypocrite charge but otherwise no. But logic doesn’t matter once the press gang has decided you are the nerd you are done as far as they are concerned.

Edwards seems to be the only one addressing the grotesque income disparity that has emerged in this country since the days of Reagan – that seems to get the pundits backs up.

As a side note I’ll point out that during one of the blog exchanges about Edwards some GOP troglodyte started jabbering about how “poor people need to learn thrift” and moral standings and so on.

This attitude has been with us since the Victorian era – but thrift is useless if you can’t find a job or keep one because it’s been shipped out of the country and you education stinks cause nobody wants to spend money on educating poor people and you can’t find a place to live that doesn’t cost and arm and a leg and you hope to god you don’t get sick because you can’t afford it – for someone from a comfortable middle class background to go about jabbering about the need of the poor to be more thrifty is insulting in a deeply profoundly insulting way.

Poverty is a test of character that I wouldn’t wish on anybody – there were some bad times in my life that I’d rather not go into but I struggled like a lot - I’m not doing bad now but it was touch and go and when you’re ten bucks short on the electric bill and there is no way to make it up someone lecturing on thrift is looking to get punched in the mouth.

And there was also the “well they have televisions, compared to the poor of New Delhi they aren’t really poor at all” which is a pretty depressing defense, is that the best you can do? That the poor don’t live in cardboard boxes and tin shacks? Oh that makes me proud to be an American citizen I can tell you that. We don’t completely suck is not a motto I can get behind.

Yeah they have TV’s but they don’t have a future. And if we, as a society, can’t give the promise of a better future to those who don’t have one for them or their children what’s the damn point? Humvees? Big screen TVs? I got mine fuck you?

End of ranting for the day.

Random Neural Firings:

Fred Thomson, being an actor, is now doing his Hamlet impression about running for president – there is a moment where anticipation becomes impatience and I suspect Fred’s people are reaching that point. He’s been dipping his toe in the pool for months now and the act is wearing thin. I don’t really blame him, he doesn’t like to work to hard and running for president is hard work very hard work and then there’s’ all that work if you win. So I can understand his hesitation hell he’s only being talked about because the other GOP candidates are such knee biters.

Example of the long tail – the next horrible film I’m getting from netflix is coming from Tacoma Washington cause that’s the only place that has a copy of The Incredible Petrified World, which doesn’t surprise me in the least (why do I do this I keep on asking myself why? Surely I can find other things to do with my time yes? Do I have to keep beating my brains with a rock like this? Maybe I should just hit myself with an old fashioned frying pan until I black out – that would be less painful and do less permanent damage). After that the Hideous sun demon – and some well I might not make it past that.

Peace love Hideous Sun Demons

The maddness that is Gymkata

Rain thunderstorms what not – it’s dark and the occasional loud noise bangs the windows. While memories of Gymkata bang at my head.

Stupid. Just stupid. It’s really the only word that springs easily to mind watching this film. Dumb yeah, absurd as well, but mostly stupid.

The story such as it is – and even for a martial arts film this one is pretty thin – is there is this pretend country in the mountains of Asia (exactly where isn’t quite laid out) that would be a perfect location for a Star Wars control site or some such. (Side note – the film was made in 1985 before Star Wars became short hand for “welfare for defense contractors”) Now, because this is a martial arts film the only way that the U.S. can get permission to build in this country is win something called “The Game” when guys run around in a kind of outward bound worlds strongest man competition while guys dressed in sort kind of almost ninja robes (the red helmets don’t quite work here) chase and attempt to shoot the contestants with arrows. The winner can apparently ask anything he wants and it will be granted – except maybe ‘get me out of this movie”

So the US government taps a world championship gymnast to train to play ‘the game’ – this is the male lead played by a real gymnast Kurt Thomas who alas can’t really act that much – ah, not at all if the truth be told. Being able do wonders on the parallel bars (and by the way, gymnastic routines are just nowhere nearly as interesting as the director seems to think they are) doesn’t really translate into acting ability.

An interesting moment is where Kurt asks the agent giving him the assignment “why don’t we just invade?” foreshadowing the neo-con distain for international law years before they movement even had a name. “It’s outta style” the agent says forgetting the mention that the Russians might not like it and they have nukes – you forget the cold war algebra sometimes.

The film them has the standard kung-fu training sequence where the male lead is trained by two guys and the female lead – a.k.a. the Asian babe – who is the princess of the pretend country or some such. She’s pretty (like most American males of a certain age I do have an Asian fetish – shoot me okay?) and can even act a little – unlike our boy Kurt. She also likes knives because she always seems to have on in her hand early on. It seems to be some kind of weird foreplay between her and Kurt the knife thing but I just rolled with it. (and after this the knife thing is just dropped – she doesn’t touch one the rest of the film).

One thing that stands out in the training (other than the chopping jumping and kicking) is Kurt is trying to walk on his hands up a couple of flights of stairs – nobody says why he has to do such a silly thing, he just keeps trying during the entire sequence. I was reminded of Mystery Men where Ben Stiller asks “why am I wearing watermelons on my feet?” while this was going on – finally Kurt climbs the stairs – and we get to look on him from overhead as his does it. A couple of things – like the parallel bars routine, someone walking on their hands isn’t all that interesting to look at and two – the way it was filmed we discover that Kurt was wearing red underwear during the shot which we didn’t need to see - ever.

And right after that Kurt beds the Asian Babe – I don’t know maybe there was some sex position on page 329 of their version of the Karma Sutra that required him to walk on his hands that the Asian babe wanted him to try – I have a reasonably dirty mind but I can’t think of anything (no don’t send in suggestions) but anyway they seem happy. And I was happy because the boring training was over.

After that Kurt and the Asian Babe (hereafter AB cause I hate typing the same words over and over) go to the border of the country – they have to wait until the next day to cross the border so they wander the other imaginary countries bazaar (shopping, like parallel bar routines and walking on hands isn’t that interesting cinematically) until the AB is kidnapped and then rescued in a pointless plot cul de sac that does allow Kurt to kick people. The best moment is when on of Kurt’s bodyguards tells Kurt and the AB that there is some anti-American sentiment here and is then promptly shot with an arrow (people get shot with arrows a lot) thereby proving his point pretty conclusively.

Kurt and the AB enter the imaginary country and meet the Kahn and the Heavy. It seems – but it’s hard to tell – that the heavy killed Kurt’s dad earlier in the movie – we know this guys the heavy cause he has a mustache and he wears a leather vest and scowls a lot. Per the film he is planning to overthrow the Kahn and ally the country with ‘the other side’ – although why the soviet union would deal with someone who set themselves up as a Kahn himself isn’t made clear (you think about things like this during this movie) The Kahn – who kept reminding me of Mel Brooks (and didn’t look even remotely Asian I have to say – aside from AB nobody did) announces that the AB (his daughter) will marry the heavy. Kurt tries to look upset but alas he looks mostly like lunch is late.

So with all that the game begins – there are other contestants but other than some brute looking guy named Thorg (right) they are all their to be killed instead of Kurt. The race starts and then the heavy cheats and then there is much death by falling and arrows and oh yes Thorg kills one of the other contestants (why? I don’t know maybe roid rage you don’t know about a lot of things in this film).

So they run and climb and get shot with arrows until Kurt comes to the main obstacle in the game ‘the village of the crazies’ where the imaginary country has been dumping its criminally insane folks for years and years, homicidal maniacs and just nuts and all that. Actually it looks more like the village of the over acting but what can you do. There is a guy who has a hat that makes it look like he has two faces and a priest looking guy who’s robe is cut off in the back al la Prince all those years ago (another note male buttocks aren’t nearly as interesting as this director seems to think they are either).

Then there is the iconic moment in the film where Kurt surrounded on all sides by weapon wielding crazies finds that in the middle of a square there is something that looks a lot like a pummel horse – (actually during this film he keeps find this kind of thing about – overhead bars and what not – this simply is the most obvious of them) so he fights them off with a combination pummel horse routine and kicking (which makes it a lot less dull if just flat out absurd) and then just as he is at the end of this tether he is rescued by his dad – who didn’t die – but is promptly shot in the back with an arrow as father and son embrace – the man can’t catch a break. Now enraged or at least a little ticked Kurt kills the heavy. Meantime the Kahn and the AB (now attired in and Emma Peel style jump suit – note good looking women in tight jumpsuits are much more interesting than the director seems to think they are) fight the Heavy’s private army and win just as Kurt comes riding into town with his dad on the horse behind him with the arrow still sticking out of his back. AB runs to Kurt and Kurt lets go of the reigns of his father’s horse rides towards AB and scoops her up. Now I can understand the need for nookie (oh god can I) but if my dad has a damn arrow in the back that’s going to take priority for me anyway.

And that’s where the film ends – Kurt and AB smiling on Horse and Dad with arrow sticking out of his back – roll credits.

God what a stupid film – too early to hit the gin but the temptation is there.

Peace, Love, Asian Babes

Monday's on a Tuesday this week and other thoughts

Well it’s my Monday morning depression only a day later. Gee that feels good.

No. I don’t know why I’m in this mood again – again it’s not like my life is materially any different today that it was yesterday.

Of course it could be that my birthday is coming up and these days that is not something that brightens my mood. Of course I can hear some part of my head say “yeah you’re getting older but consider the alternative” But that seems a bit much really – I feel like there has to be some other choice here between feeling low and being worm food but there you go life isn’t always fair – hell life isn’t fair at all – that’s why we have games and such and have all those movies with happy endings.

What is interesting as I look around, I honestly don’t really regret much – yeah I have made a metric ton of mistakes but I made them, got smacked for them and moved on. I don’t even have that should’ve slept with X when I had the chance cause knowing me, if I had, right now I’d be thinking “I shouldn’t have slept with X, I took advantage of someone when they where vulnerable and that really sucks” which is an emotion I’d rather not deal with.

Maybe the only real regret I have in my life is that back say in 1991-92 when I first saw Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Comedy Channel – I didn’t climb into my car drive like hell to Minnesota and park right in front of Best Brains office and not leave before I had a job – watching bad movies – good god I’ve been training my whole life for this – I have to work on this show. Actually what scared me a bit was that the first 7 times I saw the show – I had already seen the movie that they were ragging on – that was I admit kinda scary.

But that aside no real regrets. I mean ear hair is a pain in the ass but well you just cut the damn stuff off (although who decided this was a good thing is beyond me) and move on.

Looking forward to a kind of quiet night with a bad film – I have some absurdity called Gymkata or some such which features a guy who is good on a pummel horse. Now how that got to be the germ of the idea of a bad film is well, it just looks bizarrely strange and bad at the same time as are a lot of martial arts themed films – after this I’m going to take a crack at either Butterfly and Sword or The Wu Tang Clan (which the group named itself after) which I have seen several times and can’t really make a lick of sense of.

Re Gymkata I saw the title at Bad Movies.org and if you like bad and B films you owe to yourself to check it out – nerdvana it is , just nerdvana.

I noticed that once again W has summoned people into his inner circle seemingly just to tell him how wonderful he is. The sad thing is that people being people there are always folks willing to suck up – even as W’s term as president crumbles into bloody dust and failure.

I remember seeing a TV movie called “the Missiles of October” about the Cuban missile crisis (side note – while not being the smartest thing the Russians ever did, their putting their missiles in Cuba was for them simply dealing with their equipment’s technical shortcomings – their range wasn’t too good – end side note) and the actor playing JFK as the crisis unfolds tells one of his staff (I forget who) that is sole job is tell him he’s wrong tell him how his policy is wrong – a devil’s advocate if you will. While it was a movie it was based on what went on. I doubt very much if W had anybody telling him on a daily or hourly basis what the hell could go wrong if he invaded Iraq. The story there is that anybody and I mean anybody who opened their mouth and said “maybe this isn’t the best idea we ever had” got pushed out of the circle pretty damn quick.

We’re hearing happy talk about the surge – well does that mean we get the boys (and women) the hell home?

It looks like Murdoch will be buying Dow Jones which publishes the Wall Street Journal. Well there goes another paper down the tubes. One thing you know about Murdoch is that he manages to drive things right into the ditch. Expect the Journal to take an utter nose dive in quality – except for the editorial page which has been a troglodyte cesspool for years. The editorial page and the news reporting are done by different groups – which you can expect that to get canned by Murdoch in a heartbeat.

Mets still in first for some reason. Lost last night as did both Atlanta and Philly. (loss 10,001 or 2 – boy is that a dubious achievement well worth an award.)

I see where the most recent poll of GOP voters their top candidate was none of the above. Well let’s see if Newt and Thompson (who is looking more like a basset every day) up the nonsense level.

Conventional wisdom seems to say that McCain’s campaign crashed and burned due to his support of the Iraq war and the surge. Glen Greenwald (salon – check him out too) pointed out that all the gop wannabe’s supported the war – where McCain differed was he wasn’t a keen as the other punishment freak Jack Bauer want to be’s running to expand Gitmo and wire up someone’s testicles and the off chance they might know something or just for the thrill of wiring testicles. There is a seriously disturbed and angry segment of the American population that wouldn’t blink if Cheney declared the elections off. (I don’t think he’ll do that but I don’t think it isn’t something he’s thought of.)

To file under to know him is to loathe him – Rudy’s’ popularity is declining as people get to see what a thin skinned brittle ego monster he is.

Peace Love Pummel Horses.

Picture has nothing to do with anything - really.

PowerPoint, Golf, Robots

It’s Friday

People are dashing about trying to finish the work they really should have been doing earlier this week – Friday is for filing folks not for meetings at 2:35 pm when nobody’s brain works anymore.

I’ve been wasting all my time on PowerPoint today – I have to be – and I say this will all modesty the worst fucking PowerPoint user on the planet. A Blind goat would do better. I think it’s a couple of things –

One – while work can be intersting/challaning/and or dull and tedious and stressful (sometimes all at the same time) talking about it is just so dull it makes my head bleed – PowerPoint is used to present things like business plans – describe you groups activities and what not – all done in the strange un-human argot of corporate America “prioritize our internals” for example – does this mean anything at all? It’s horrible really – the original intent of language is to communicate and link people together – the purpose of business language is to make you doubt your basic sanity.

Riding on a train today off to Washington – looks like it is going to be a beautiful day tomorrow (sigh) well it’ll disappoint the others if it rains – I try to keep that in mind but still god golf is just so boring – I’m going to be spending most of the time I’m on the course counting it down – okay only 17 holes to go, only 16 holes to go and so on.

Oddly enough I don’t mind watching it – nobody talks very loud nothing much really happens and you can drift off on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Okay back to power point.

The other real problem with pp is that the people who use it the most have to be the most boring people on the face of the planet, you see them standing there in front of the big screen with the words “TODAY - A NEW DIRECTION IN HEATH CARE” out there. Then the person, man woman doesn’t matter says

“Today, a new direction in heath care”

And it goes on like that, the words come up on the screen and then they read them

TIME FOR A CHANGE IN OLD HABITS

“Time for a change in old habits”

At this point you being to wonder if suicide isn’t really a viable alternative to be dealing with this gibberish – we can read damnit – say something more or different or just shut the hell up – or if you want us to listen to you – don’t put the damn words up on the screen.

I have bad fantasies of sneaking in and changing the words to a power point and seeing if they actually just read them as they are presented.

“I ENJOY THE BUTTSEX”

“I enjoy the Buttsex”

“I CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT”

“I can do it all night”

“ROBOTS ATE MY LUGGAGE AND MADE ME DO THE BUTTSEX”

“Robots ate my luggage and made me do the buttsex.”

And so on -

Why that reminds me of the guy talking to his toaster in the mountain dew commerical is beyond me. Other than the robot bit.

I’m old enough to remember when Mountain dew was introduced – it was not intended for or marketed at the then non-existent slacker computer geek segment but it was kind of a hippy get back to nature kind of soft drink – don’t laugh you’ll be seeming more of those as the awareness of Global warming increases – we won’t actually do anything anymore, we’ll just rebrand stuff we already make and market it to people concerned about the environment.

It’s why I have to admire people like Al Gore and Michael Moore so much. They see and can see just how awful things are and how rooted in the problems are, how corrupt and money crazy they are and yet rather than despair and give into just full time snarking, they feel we can fix the problem that confronts them. It’s inspiring really – a hopeful view of a species that is just fucking doomed. Not because it is evil, but because it would rather dive off a cliff than change their behavior.

7/16/07 – More

Didn’t get to blog much Friday or even post – we have been going full tilt with the end of the quarter and meetings and such.

Weekend was good – golf game was, well, okay if just too damn long 5 hours in the sun if you’re not really into doing this – yeah the beer after the game tasted good but beer on a Saturday afternoon rarely tastes awful. I got some time to spend with my dad so that was good and got a bit of a walk.

The one thing that I found amusing was that the carts had a screen with a link to a GPS system that would tell you a) how far you were from the hole – if there were carts in front of you (it was Saturday and of course there were carts) and how far away they were.

It also told you if you were running late – we were, as were the folks ahead of us and the folks behind us – the folks behind us apparently had someplace else to go (exactly where I can’t imagine ) because at one point they rolled up in their cart to complain about the slow play – it is a mark of my dads mellowing with age (I mean the man is 78) that he did not invite these two – who looked like highly self important frat boys (who else takes golf seriously) to perform more than one unnatural act upon themselves.

Heard my pod-cast interview last night finally – didn’t sound like a complete jerk just oh maybe 7/8’s of a jerk. For those with strong stomachs it’s the Waltz Astoria Show #6 – at Gothamradio.org – the interview leads off the show and then we do killer sheep – somehow they managed not to pick up the piano that well this time – it’s a new space so they’ll need to work that out.

This evening a bit o’ the jazz at the Waltz – haven’t been there in a while and it’s nice to listen to – get me out of my place and my own head for a bit – hit a writer’s block – mostly cause I’m forcing things – I want to have a song for the back up singers in the next show but I’m not sure we’ll have time to write it and rehearse it since we’ve only got the one rehearsal of the full band left before the show.

Going to hitting union Square Park this Saturday if all goes well – try and get folks interested in what we are doing – still singing someone else in a public space isn’t quite what I’m used to – might get some pictures out of it.

Washington has gone mad – while the rest of the country is saying get us out of Iraq like now – they are acting like attacking Iran would not be the final cherry on top of delusional stupidity that W and his hand picked butt kissing yes men have indulged in over the years but a good idea. I hope the money is good – you’d really have to pay me a lot be that stupid.

Meantime – meantime – it looks like W is going to veto the bill providing more insurance to kids because it costs too much, while at the same time the Times has a front page article on the new gilded age – i.e. right now. The haves have more and want yours as well – thanks to years of greed is good cheerleading they don’t even have the small sense of shame that the earlier robber barons had.

Peace, Love, Robot buttsex

Harriet, Talking Horrors and Golf

Okay things are about to get very very interesting.

Harriet Miers one time White House Counsel, failed supreme court nomination (side note I’ve read that the whole Harriet Farce came about because W for once didn’t do what Dick told him to do – and it was quickly smacked down) has been told not to show up at the congressional hearing today. (and later one she did – that is not show up)

First she no longer works for the White House and second there is ‘no proper reason’ to refuse to show up. Executive privilege, which used to be pretty narrowly defined, meant that some of the advice you gave the president couldn’t be talked about. It does not mean you don’t have to answer questions – still with the tame geeks on the Supreme Court these days you wonder if Dick Cheney is willing to roll the dice on they will back him up. Actually considering the autorotation tendencies of the 5 goops – it’s a pretty safe bet they will give Dick everything he wants.

I’m not sure just what congress is going to go do but we’ll see – I think they have given Meyers 5 days to comply with the subpoena and then – well that’s then. I expect the Democratic leaders to fold like a tent when push comes to shove but I keep hoping that somebody remembers what the hell is at stake here.

Pretty good open mike – had more comedians than usual including one guy who just kept going on and on and on and on and on and on and on – it wasn’t even that he was good – it was he made a comment, say the word ‘like’ a lot, and then a after a bit – he’d go on and talk about something else.

I’m not sure what it was supposed to be – it wasn’t stand up for one thing – perhaps is was some kind of dada performance piece where the audience is tested to see just how long they will put up with aimless dull gibberish. Andy Kaufman once sang 100 bottles of beer on the wall got to 14 and then stopped – the audience rioted.

But I don’t think that was the case – he just sucked rockets and pointedly ignored Matt’s waiving the light of doom (which means your ten minutes are up and it’s time to FUCKING STOP TALKING OKAY? REMEMBER NEXT TIME OR PEOPLE WILL BE FORCED TO DRAG OFF THE STATE YOU, NO DOUBT STILL TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING YOU READ IN THE PAPERS).

Other than that one moment of horror (actually more like 15 minutes) it was a good open mike – I didn’t really mean to walk out on yummy beer guy when he was singing and I apologize I needed to stretch my legs – honest.

The interview went well – I just jabber until Bill told me that we were done – I assume will have to chop my ah’s and ummmm’s and gee that’s a good question and all the like.

Also killer sheet – it’s not really the best song to start off with as well people don’t really know if they are supposed to laugh at this or not. I don’t really mind that so much – keeps the audience on their toes when you don’t tell them exactly how to react to things. A touch of Dada if you will.

Off to Virginia for the weekend – I had kind of planned on doing a lot of nothing but with my brother in law about it looks like we are going to play golf.

Time to start praying for rain. Not really but it’s like this – My Dad loves to play golf, my brother loves to play golf and my brother in law loves to play golf. Me. Not so much. I don’t hate it, but it is never the first thing I think if doing on a fine sunny day – so maybe just a little rain.

President thinks making 8 of 18 indicates great progress. The man needs to slaped in the face with a large fish - a salmmon or trout.

Peace, Love Fore!

Burning and other thoughts

Heats getting to everybody – people are forgetting how revolving doors work and I’m getting annoyed with people who forget how revolving doors work.

I’ll say this again – I really don’t think people are as stupid as they act – they can’t be, they wouldn’t have reach adulthood if they did, they wouldn’t be able to find their way to work everyday if they were truly that dumb. It’s either the heat or just that perverse nature of humanity that they will only start using their brains when they have tried very other possible course of action (sometimes even twice).

So the American League will have home field again – you know, only if the commissioner was a nit-wit used car salesman would they have come up with an idea just as stupid as…oh wait he is a nit-wit used car salesman.

I don’t think the 9 game World Series idea is going to fly even if the nit-wit wants it – the last time they played 9 games was 1919 – you know – the Black Sox? Bad karma all around.

More baseball: signs are just everywhere here adverting espn’s “The Bronx is Burning” mini series that looks to last about as long as the damn baseball season. I don’t know who, other than stone Yankee fans, is going to watch this (for some reason I fail to find the battles of three ego monsters to be that interesting). But I could be wrong here – what I remember from 1977 was that the Mets traded Tom Seaver and earned M. Donald Grant universal scorn for the rest of his life so what do I know?

You know – the thing about George is that for all the talk (and oh god is there talk) about how much he wants to win yada yada yada – he managed to preside over the longest Yankee world championship drought since the advent of Babe Ruth and this current streak (2001-2006) is actually the third longest dry spell since Ruth (you could look it up).

Going to be interviewed finally by the waltz thing – let you know how that goes. The Enemy Below and I will also be playing there later so expect a report tomorrow.

W had a tame town meeting where he basically said to the people that getting sick is their fault because you don’t exercise or eat right – well sorry W not all of us have a job were can take off for two hours in the middle of the day to exercise, and we don’t have a cook and a full staff to make our meals for us made from only the finest quality ingredients (nobody is going to give the president Velveeta unless he asks for it – and maybe not even then) So just shut the fuck up you disconnected frat boy yahoo. God ride your bike while Dick runs the country into the ground.

File under: he’s stupid and he’s vain – apparently the former surgeon general (and god why do they wear those damn stars they are doctors for god’s sake) was required to mention W Three times a page in every speech he made. It would be interesting to see if that was the norm in all cabinet level speeches – maybe twice for a Senator?

Saw that housing sales fell to a 7 year low – and this wasn’t remarked upon except by Wall Street which had a slight rush to the exits. Now I can understand the Wall Street touts telling us that there won’t be a collapse in the housing market – it’s how they are able to afford steak dinners at Sparks but dear lord after all this time there is no earthly reason to actually believe them is there?

Someone else from the DOJ is testifying that nobody did anything wrong. Thank god she’s not Pinocchio.

Things have to be going badly – the head of the department of homeland security has emerged from his busy round of feeding to say his gut feeling indicates a big terrorist attack this summer.

I noticed one other oddity hereabouts – recently folks (other than Lieberman who has to be on some bizarre hell broth of drugs and scotch for him to say the gibberish he says) who want us to stay in Iraq are warning of massive civilian casualties if we leave. I find this odd, since these same folks didn’t give a damn about Iraqi casualties over the last four years; indeed they got upset when someone even mentioned them. (This is war, Saddam was bad etc. etc.) I find this sudden concern curious.

Was going to watch I drink your blood but it looks like one of those toss a lot of red paint – and use meat from the butcher style horror movies from the late 60’s and early 70’s - which leave me cold – they aren’t trying to scare as much as gross out folks and that’s kinda boring. I’d rather deal with inane dialogue and cardboard sets thank you.

Peace, Love, You see! Your Stupid Minds! Your Stupid Stupid minds!

Yes Diana Rigg (again)

Things Blow Up.

Saw Transformers last night. It is a movie where things blow up – a lot of things blow up – cars, buildings, planes, helicopters, generators, roads, damns, light poles, soda machines, pretty much any inanimate object you can think of is blown up during this film.

It is the ultimate Michael Bay film – there is a shot early in the film of the barren and wasted world were the Transformers come from – where everything has been blown up – which has to be a dream of Mr. Bays’ “everything has blow up yes yes I am god – on to blowing up star systems - the universe – one block at a time!”

Or something like that.

The entire film worked something like this

Location characters were introduced, People talked –

Things blow up

Other characters were introduced

Other things blow up

Some characters begin to interact with others, there are jokes

Things blow up

People start to react to the things blowing up and take some kind of action

Things blow up.

Some jokes – a plot point is introduced.

Things blow up

The characters begin to interact with the things blowing the things up

Prolonged sequence where things, lots of things, blow the hell up

Second plot point revealed, revelations regarding characters emerge, more jokes

Things blow up.

Final confrontation is established – all characters are involved in final show down

And sweet Jesus do things blow up, like just everything blows up, there is hardly a stone on top of another stone when the blowing up stops. In the end the evil is vanquished mostly by blowing it up.

Order restored – male and female lead look to be in post coital bliss – Otimus Prime sets viewers up for sequel.

Roll credits.

I suppose you could object by saying that the film is a hyperactive piece of nonsense made for barely functional sub literate morons with ADD – but it does blow things up well.

I don’t buy the male or female leads as teenagers but I’m told that real teenagers can’t work in films where things get blown up – because in this day and age – stars have to do a lot of their own stunts because the camera is right on them when things blow up. If I were these actors I’d get my hearing checked after the film wrapped.

That said I liked the leads – really put them in their second year of college and I’d buy them. And I liked the female lead. And at my age I’m more comfortable watching a movie lusting after a woman in her 20’s than a teenager – I’ll do it but I’m not happy about it.

The bots were of course all cool as hell – props to getting the voice of Optimus Prime right.

I think this film will sell more than a few cameros – GM has their new one featured in the film – and well it’s a nice looking car – and I’m not that hip on cars.

I noticed that the token black Autobot is the one that is killed.

And a weird thought has come to my mind – assuming the bumblee is going to stay with the male lead and well be his car when the world isn’t in danger and he and the female lead (one Megan Fox) go out – I have to think I’d be a little uncomfortable with making a move on my lady friend that could lead any romantic moments inside a car that is alive. Just saying.

Random Neural Firings:

As of now the Iraqi government has meet exactly none of the benchmarks put out by W and his cronies as justification for the surge. That’s zero.

It is becoming apparent that we can’t keep this level of effort up in Iraq for much longer – the system is tossing gears.

Meantime our opposition – who, despite what you have read are not stupid, fanatics yes, bloodthirsty, maybe even cold blooded yes but not stupid, is ramping up their attacks on the supply convoys that are the life line of the American Army - which are currently guarded by Merchs (Blackstone mostly) who honestly aren’t about to risk their life for a truck load of MRE’s or water bottles – it’s brilliantly simple really – attack you enemy at its most vulnerable point and with the Merchs being merchs – you’ll force them to take troops off the front line to guard the convoys.

This large civilian tail of the US army is a weakness – in a war with fronts and such not so much, but in this kind of fight it’s a very vulnerable point. And hell part of the disaster that was the Crimea was due to the British using civilians to run the supply lines.

Looks like Alberto Gonzales has lied again.

W is going to host a ‘town hall’ tonight were he will outline “his” plan for Iraq after the surge – we wait with baited breath for the leaden third conterm style questions he will be getting from his hand picked audience.

A Louisiana congressman who loudly championed traditional family values turns out to no one’s shock to have been a customer of the DC madam. I don’t know why folks are so shocked – screwing hookers and being a sanctimonious hypocrite is very very traditional behavior.

Half way point – I don’t know why the Mets are still in first place, and two they’ve started beating the trade a-rod drums again.

Peace, Love, things blowing up

Hot Day and Turtles

Hot Monday – the sun had a mean and nasty look to it this morning – and even at 8:30 the subway platforms were hot. Going to be bad one out there. My mom remembered growing up back in the days before a/c that when the temperature got over 95 degrees in the summer companies just sent people home – made sense no work was going to get done anyway – let them sweat back at home.

Was a fan boy yesterday with a friend and was pleasantly surprised by Gamera the Brave the most recent guys in a rubber suit movie from Japan – it had not done as well as the prior 3 modern Gamera films (which I have to confess – in terms of writing and effects and the like are the best series of kaiju (Giant monster films) I have seen.) It was said to be more kid oriented than the prior three and this was given as the reason for it’s relative lack of success in Japan in 2006 – It never got a us release and as isn’t on DVD yet here - It looks to be on DVD in Hong Kong but as a guy we were standing in line with waiting for the theater to open explained – (fan boys what ya gonna do about them fan boys) – everything ever filmed is on a DVD from Hong Kong – probably even your parents wedding if they filmed it.

So we saw the film and yeah it’s a lot more kid oriented than the last three – the main character is a boy Turo. But the story isn’t that – for a monster movie – that absurd. In the film Gamera blows him self up in 1973 to destroy two other monsters – then cut to present day where Turo (who has lost his mother in a car crash some unspecified time ago and in not much of a shock, is finding this hard to deal with) finds on an island a turtle egg on a nest made of a red rock – the egg hatches and the boy and turtle bond – yeah this was a little slow for me as well. The turtle shows some unusual aspects – one it can fly, two it grows really really fast (although we never see it eat).

Meantime there is some toing and frowing with the boy and his friends – Turo says “want to come and see my turtle?” to his buds in scene. It just sounds so wrong that I’m going pop that into my failed pick up lines rant for Wanna get laid (damnit). There is also an older teenage girl with a heart condition next door who is going to have an operation (no they don’t stop the melodrama) who is kind of surrogate big sister to Turo.

Granted the lead up to the monster bit isn’t the best I’ve ever seen – I was starting to mentally yell “Come on! Make with the death!” just before the monster shows up but I want to side track a bit here. Cause while it wasn’t perfect the film did right the right note for kids.

Childhood is a very different time and place – I have no great Wordsworth-style nostalgia for it (frankly a lot of my childhood sucked rockets) but I do remember it and the feelings – you fell helpless and over whelmed and there is an intensity about things you don’t often get in later years – and so much of your world is controlled by adults who, if you are normal kid, suspect of being completely crazy – so much so, that what you can you hide from adult eyes, you do. And that’s what rings true in this film – the kids actually act like kids – not smart mouthed little adults – and make decisions like a kid would, so I’d just like to say well done

So when the death comes it comes like in a good (i.e. bad) package the monster Zexus or some such I forget the exact name – comes to town and starts eating people – you don’t actually see this happen but you don’t need to see some things – sound effects, the sounds of chewing then seeing the monster with red teeth – that’s all you need. Then just before the kid get’s eaten as well – Gamera – the little turtle almost grown up shows up and its rumble time.

The battles are well done and exciting – you look at the care these folks put into this and the shoddy work in the U.S. Godzilla (which had a much bigger budget) and you want to cry.

The rest of the film is a series of battles (once they get Gamera up to size) with the little red stone being a plot point – it’s with the girl in the hospital and it was to get to Gamera – so in a bit of oh well this is really just a movie anyway – a chain of kids run the stone from the hospital to Turo who then finally gives it to Gamera – after an endless isologues that makes Gamera promise not to blow himself up – at this point in the film Gamera has been jammed into the upper stories of an office building and has been stabbed several times by the heavy (in this as in a lot of Gamera films – the turtle gets the living shit cut out of it ) and is bleeding pretty badly – this was the other time I was saying to myself “get on with it!”

He does of course and the bad monster is destroyed then after more stuff with the kids, Gamera flies away.

There was a lot of juice in the fan boys about the new cute Gamera look as opposed to the 90’s bad ass G – well yeah it wasn’t my fav look either but – given that this Gamera is only a few weeks old at best at the end of the movie – of course he’s going to look younger.

Confrontations galore in DC as the White House in hunkering down behind the divine right of presidents – sorry executive privilege to not answer any questions. Congress is talking about a contempt of congress finding.

I don’t think this will end well – it’s going to go to the supreme court which currently has 5 reactionary cranks on the bench who seemly lament for the days of absolute monarchy (which would include large multi-nationals) and I suspect will toss out the Nixon era understanding of executive privilege in favor of W’s version – that executive privilege is anything the president says it is.

After that we will have to see what happens.

Hot days coming.

Peace love, flying turtles

No Jerry! Nooooooooo!!!!!!!

In 1966 in an attempt to cash on the Batman craze, Jerry Warren (one of many folks in the running for worst director of all time) produced and directed a horrible piece of drivel called ‘The Wild World of Batwoman – that was a lopsided unfunny confused mess where you were going “huh?” a lot and were never quite sure what the hell was going on.

Warner Brothers and DC Comics sued the hell out of Jerry who changed to name to something else before the case was settled (in his favor by the way) and the film was released and surprisingly nobody ever thought of the Batman while watching it.

It was ripped on Mystery Science Theater 3000 – with Tom Servo screaming “end! END!” just before the credits rolled.

Cut to 1980 or so – Jerry hasn’t made a picture since that disaster but the old juices start flowing and somehow some way he cons, sorry, convinces folks to give him money to do another film (how I wonder – did a rich aunt die? You have to wonder about folks who have so much money all they can think of is give it to a bad film maker – really).

Anyway for some reason or another he started shooting and managed to finish the film – and while god-awful in a way few films are, at lest managed to end Jerry’s Career as a film maker – so we have that to be thankful for that at least.

Still there is the horror of Frankenstein Island – a supreme example of the Theater of the Incoherent as you will see. Things happen for no reason plot points vanish into nothingness – points are made then ignored.

The story opens that 4 guys in a balloon have been blown off course – al la Jules Vern’s Mysterious Island – the back round discussion features one guy saying “who ever heard of a tornado at sea” – dude they call them waterspouts.

Anyway our 4 jerks (on of whom is doctor) land on this unknown island and find girls in fur bikinis - which although nice to look at have to be hard to clean and hot as hell – who in a plot point that doesn’t’ make any sense turn out to be aliens. They are plagued, kind of, by the people in the big house – one of whom is Sheila Frankenstein – that’s what she calls herself when she introduces herself to the 4 jerks. She enlists the aid of the doctor of the 4 jerks while the others build a raft – but wait they wash ashore on a raft – why not use that? Nobody says why – they just want to be handy I guess.

Then they find a captain in a cage – he’s covered with straw and being used as a blood donor for von Helsing who communicates with the late Doctor Frankenstein who is dead and played by John Carridine (who really must have had no money as a child to have kept taking roles like this. If you had a Thousand dollars John Charadine would be in your movie – it was that simple – he wouldn’t do much but he’d at least read his lines.) Shelly Frankenstein drugs the doctor to help while the other 3 jerks make a raft (they have the ladies tote the logs cause well they are all soft and out of shape or something) one of the jerks and one of the amazons fall in love (awww or ewwww depending of fricken mood) they try to rescue Capitan in cell – turns out Amazon is captains daughter – but she is alien – (“I no understand” says review cat “film make no sense” I tell review cat that some movies are like that “how about feeding me then?” says review cat) – or something like that – dumb silly fight breaks out – the original Frankenstein monster emerges from the water and manages to kill the character played by Steve Brodie (a drunk with an eye patch who laughs all the time) and some guy with a huge beard who looks like gnome (who last worked in Batwoman) so I’ can’t complain too much about the bad make up of the monster as he gets rid of two of the more annoying characters in the movie.

You might think I’m passing over things – not really – it’s just the film is really this disjointed – I’m not even going to go into the pointless bit where each of the 4 jerks gets a stabbing pain in his arm if he mentions a specific location – this is said to be caused by the late Dr Frankenstein but nobody seems to quite no why – maybe Alzheimer’s continues after death isn’t that a swell idea – damn – there’s a brain that helps Helsing communicate with the dead doctor but since everything the doctor says is gibberish the question why keeps coming to mind. The zombies revolt or attack the 4 jerks the captain is reunited with the daughter there is a fight that makes you wish for death between the amazons, the zombies, Sheila Frankenstein, the monster and passing extras – the brain is destroyed and the 4 jerks escape and later bring back a very embarrassed actor and 4 extras pretending to be army guys – nobody’s uniform matches anyone else’s and the guns look like toys – but nothing is there, the Amazon’s village, the doctor’s mansion are all gone like they have never been there. The army guys leave (apparently leaving the 4 jerks shipwrecked on the island) and the 4 jerks marvel at what the hell is going on until the dog what they left behind with the jerk’s love interest shows up with the love interest’s medallion – the 4 jerks marvel over this as the credit roll never bothering themselves with how they are going to get off the island once the troops leave or that the woman one of them loves is still in the clutches of a madman and woman and a ghost somewhere else.

You feel like you haven’t really seen what you have seen when the film ends – this I’m afraid is sooo awful that I’m going have to put this in my permanenet collection.

Other notes:

I have no idea how the Mets are still in first.

They are talking up trading A-Rod again.

W asked for patience with Iraq. Well no. you’ve been given all the time you need, of course if you’d have been honest before this maybe but you weren’t so no. Out now.

Peace, Love, Fur Bikinis