No Jerry! Nooooooooo!!!!!!!
In 1966 in an attempt to cash on the Batman craze, Jerry Warren (one of many folks in the running for worst director of all time) produced and directed a horrible piece of drivel called ‘The Wild World of Batwoman – that was a lopsided unfunny confused mess where you were going “huh?” a lot and were never quite sure what the hell was going on.
Warner Brothers and DC Comics sued the hell out of Jerry who changed to name to something else before the case was settled (in his favor by the way) and the film was released and surprisingly nobody ever thought of the Batman while watching it.
It was ripped on Mystery Science Theater 3000 – with Tom Servo screaming “end! END!” just before the credits rolled.
Cut to 1980 or so – Jerry hasn’t made a picture since that disaster but the old juices start flowing and somehow some way he cons, sorry, convinces folks to give him money to do another film (how I wonder – did a rich aunt die? You have to wonder about folks who have so much money all they can think of is give it to a bad film maker – really).
Anyway for some reason or another he started shooting and managed to finish the film – and while god-awful in a way few films are, at lest managed to end Jerry’s Career as a film maker – so we have that to be thankful for that at least.
Still there is the horror of Frankenstein Island – a supreme example of the Theater of the Incoherent as you will see. Things happen for no reason plot points vanish into nothingness – points are made then ignored.
The story opens that 4 guys in a balloon have been blown off course – al la Jules Vern’s Mysterious Island – the back round discussion features one guy saying “who ever heard of a tornado at sea” – dude they call them waterspouts.
Anyway our 4 jerks (on of whom is doctor) land on this unknown island and find girls in fur bikinis - which although nice to look at have to be hard to clean and hot as hell – who in a plot point that doesn’t’ make any sense turn out to be aliens. They are plagued, kind of, by the people in the big house – one of whom is Sheila Frankenstein – that’s what she calls herself when she introduces herself to the 4 jerks. She enlists the aid of the doctor of the 4 jerks while the others build a raft – but wait they wash ashore on a raft – why not use that? Nobody says why – they just want to be handy I guess.
Then they find a captain in a cage – he’s covered with straw and being used as a blood donor for von Helsing who communicates with the late Doctor Frankenstein who is dead and played by John Carridine (who really must have had no money as a child to have kept taking roles like this. If you had a Thousand dollars John Charadine would be in your movie – it was that simple – he wouldn’t do much but he’d at least read his lines.) Shelly Frankenstein drugs the doctor to help while the other 3 jerks make a raft (they have the ladies tote the logs cause well they are all soft and out of shape or something) one of the jerks and one of the amazons fall in love (awww or ewwww depending of fricken mood) they try to rescue Capitan in cell – turns out Amazon is captains daughter – but she is alien – (“I no understand” says review cat “film make no sense” I tell review cat that some movies are like that “how about feeding me then?” says review cat) – or something like that – dumb silly fight breaks out – the original Frankenstein monster emerges from the water and manages to kill the character played by Steve Brodie (a drunk with an eye patch who laughs all the time) and some guy with a huge beard who looks like gnome (who last worked in Batwoman) so I’ can’t complain too much about the bad make up of the monster as he gets rid of two of the more annoying characters in the movie.
You might think I’m passing over things – not really – it’s just the film is really this disjointed – I’m not even going to go into the pointless bit where each of the 4 jerks gets a stabbing pain in his arm if he mentions a specific location – this is said to be caused by the late Dr Frankenstein but nobody seems to quite no why – maybe Alzheimer’s continues after death isn’t that a swell idea – damn – there’s a brain that helps Helsing communicate with the dead doctor but since everything the doctor says is gibberish the question why keeps coming to mind. The zombies revolt or attack the 4 jerks the captain is reunited with the daughter there is a fight that makes you wish for death between the amazons, the zombies, Sheila Frankenstein, the monster and passing extras – the brain is destroyed and the 4 jerks escape and later bring back a very embarrassed actor and 4 extras pretending to be army guys – nobody’s uniform matches anyone else’s and the guns look like toys – but nothing is there, the Amazon’s village, the doctor’s mansion are all gone like they have never been there. The army guys leave (apparently leaving the 4 jerks shipwrecked on the island) and the 4 jerks marvel at what the hell is going on until the dog what they left behind with the jerk’s love interest shows up with the love interest’s medallion – the 4 jerks marvel over this as the credit roll never bothering themselves with how they are going to get off the island once the troops leave or that the woman one of them loves is still in the clutches of a madman and woman and a ghost somewhere else.
You feel like you haven’t really seen what you have seen when the film ends – this I’m afraid is sooo awful that I’m going have to put this in my permanenet collection.
Other notes:
I have no idea how the Mets are still in first.
They are talking up trading A-Rod again.
W asked for patience with Iraq. Well no. you’ve been given all the time you need, of course if you’d have been honest before this maybe but you weren’t so no. Out now.
Warner Brothers and DC Comics sued the hell out of Jerry who changed to name to something else before the case was settled (in his favor by the way) and the film was released and surprisingly nobody ever thought of the Batman while watching it.
It was ripped on Mystery Science Theater 3000 – with Tom Servo screaming “end! END!” just before the credits rolled.
Cut to 1980 or so – Jerry hasn’t made a picture since that disaster but the old juices start flowing and somehow some way he cons, sorry, convinces folks to give him money to do another film (how I wonder – did a rich aunt die? You have to wonder about folks who have so much money all they can think of is give it to a bad film maker – really).
Anyway for some reason or another he started shooting and managed to finish the film – and while god-awful in a way few films are, at lest managed to end Jerry’s Career as a film maker – so we have that to be thankful for that at least.
Still there is the horror of Frankenstein Island – a supreme example of the Theater of the Incoherent as you will see. Things happen for no reason plot points vanish into nothingness – points are made then ignored.
The story opens that 4 guys in a balloon have been blown off course – al la Jules Vern’s Mysterious Island – the back round discussion features one guy saying “who ever heard of a tornado at sea” – dude they call them waterspouts.
Anyway our 4 jerks (on of whom is doctor) land on this unknown island and find girls in fur bikinis - which although nice to look at have to be hard to clean and hot as hell – who in a plot point that doesn’t’ make any sense turn out to be aliens. They are plagued, kind of, by the people in the big house – one of whom is Sheila Frankenstein – that’s what she calls herself when she introduces herself to the 4 jerks. She enlists the aid of the doctor of the 4 jerks while the others build a raft – but wait they wash ashore on a raft – why not use that? Nobody says why – they just want to be handy I guess.
Then they find a captain in a cage – he’s covered with straw and being used as a blood donor for von Helsing who communicates with the late Doctor Frankenstein who is dead and played by John Carridine (who really must have had no money as a child to have kept taking roles like this. If you had a Thousand dollars John Charadine would be in your movie – it was that simple – he wouldn’t do much but he’d at least read his lines.) Shelly Frankenstein drugs the doctor to help while the other 3 jerks make a raft (they have the ladies tote the logs cause well they are all soft and out of shape or something) one of the jerks and one of the amazons fall in love (awww or ewwww depending of fricken mood) they try to rescue Capitan in cell – turns out Amazon is captains daughter – but she is alien – (“I no understand” says review cat “film make no sense” I tell review cat that some movies are like that “how about feeding me then?” says review cat) – or something like that – dumb silly fight breaks out – the original Frankenstein monster emerges from the water and manages to kill the character played by Steve Brodie (a drunk with an eye patch who laughs all the time) and some guy with a huge beard who looks like gnome (who last worked in Batwoman) so I’ can’t complain too much about the bad make up of the monster as he gets rid of two of the more annoying characters in the movie.
You might think I’m passing over things – not really – it’s just the film is really this disjointed – I’m not even going to go into the pointless bit where each of the 4 jerks gets a stabbing pain in his arm if he mentions a specific location – this is said to be caused by the late Dr Frankenstein but nobody seems to quite no why – maybe Alzheimer’s continues after death isn’t that a swell idea – damn – there’s a brain that helps Helsing communicate with the dead doctor but since everything the doctor says is gibberish the question why keeps coming to mind. The zombies revolt or attack the 4 jerks the captain is reunited with the daughter there is a fight that makes you wish for death between the amazons, the zombies, Sheila Frankenstein, the monster and passing extras – the brain is destroyed and the 4 jerks escape and later bring back a very embarrassed actor and 4 extras pretending to be army guys – nobody’s uniform matches anyone else’s and the guns look like toys – but nothing is there, the Amazon’s village, the doctor’s mansion are all gone like they have never been there. The army guys leave (apparently leaving the 4 jerks shipwrecked on the island) and the 4 jerks marvel at what the hell is going on until the dog what they left behind with the jerk’s love interest shows up with the love interest’s medallion – the 4 jerks marvel over this as the credit roll never bothering themselves with how they are going to get off the island once the troops leave or that the woman one of them loves is still in the clutches of a madman and woman and a ghost somewhere else.
You feel like you haven’t really seen what you have seen when the film ends – this I’m afraid is sooo awful that I’m going have to put this in my permanenet collection.
Other notes:
I have no idea how the Mets are still in first.
They are talking up trading A-Rod again.
W asked for patience with Iraq. Well no. you’ve been given all the time you need, of course if you’d have been honest before this maybe but you weren’t so no. Out now.
Peace, Love, Fur Bikinis
Labels: bad movies -
posted by Unknown at 12:24 PM
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