Having a day and Giant Snails
Work is nuts and there is some confusion at Bob Muir and the Enemy Below Headquarters right at the moment about the gig – hopefully it will be sorted out soon – if not heads will roll and there will be blood in the street. Trust me on this.
For some reason – being exposed as a sexist horse’s ass has made Chris Matthews a bigger star than ever inside the beltway. It’s moments like that you start looking about for a Bastille to storm.
To divert myself last night spent , sorry, wasted, my time watching The Monster the Challenged the World! A 1957 monster film starting nobody in particular and featuring giant radioactive snails.
The story is set in a place in southern CA known as the Salton Sea – a huge body of salt water in the middle of the desert near Death Valley. It has a rather odd history – it was created by accident in 1905 or so when several levees holding the Colorado river in blew their banks and by the time the floods were repaid – it took years – there was this big salt lake where .
Anyway the Navy has a base here and they are testing parachutes by jumping from airplanes into the water with them – testing parachutes seems kind of dicey yes? I mean if something went wrong.
“You see Johnson – your new design had a fatal flaw – a gust of wind and the chute just collapses”
“I see – well back to the lab”
“Yes – oh driver please notify the family of Airman Jones that he’s not coming home.”
“Yes sir.”
So the navy is testing chutes and there is an earthquake and then the guy with chute who lands in the water gets et. As do one of the sailors in the boat who were there to pick him up and then the other sailor in boat dies of fright.
After radio contact is lost the base’s head of naval intelligence is given the job of finding out what happened – he is the male lead – he is also a complete dick – I’m sure that he was called Commander Dick behind his back –so for the rest of this – he’s CD.
CD after chewing out a couple of people for breaking regulations finds the boat – the shriveled body of the guy in the chute, the dead body of the dead of fright guy and a tack of slime on the side of the boat.
He has is assistant take a sample of the slime “Egon, your Mucus” came to mind – they go back to the base and the Lab. At the lab is the Head Doctor and Assistant One and Assistant two along with the female lead a pretty widow with one kid (the stupid child). The stupid child is fixated on rabbits - really outside of Lennie in of Mice and Men nobody chats about rabbits more. This will lead to bad things in the end of course.
The chief along with his group analyze the slime while CD – when he isn’t pacing behind the chief scientist wondering why things are taking so long – suddenly is all warm and tender with the stupid child. The female lead notices and is impressed. There a bit of talk about how nice he is which he isn’t.
Until the mystery is solved the beaches are closed. However one sailor and his tramp girlfriend – you can tell she’s a tramp because she has a neck scarf – go swimming and get et. It moves the plot forward and underscores an important life lesson. Before the girl went to her death she and her mother exchanged harsh words – don’t ever let that happen to you in case someone is eaten by a giant snail. You’ll regret it if that happens.
By this time everybody knows something’s wrong – and assistant one and two dive into the water and they find this beach ball looking thing that they drag up to the surface – then one of them (the one with the pregnant wife – of course) is et by the giant snail.
There is much toing and froing after that. The CD makes time with the female lead (who ditches the morning widow to make time with him) while the rest of the base and the police check with the lock keepers (who operate the locks on the elaborate system of canals in the area) of course the one lock keeper who things the idea of giant man eating snails is nonsense gets et – it’s a pretty effective scene – the lock keeper hears a noise, looks around, turns to face the other way and bang a giant snail is chewing on his head – it’s not the way I’d like to go for sure – but it does depend on the movie convention that the characters can’t see anything that is outside the frame of the picture – which helps in this case - snails (especially giant snails) are not the first thing that comes to mind when you think of things that sneak up on things yes?
The beach ball thing turns out to be an egg with they keep in a pool of cold water to keep it from hatching. (How they know that is not explained). The stupid little girl wanders into the lab (to talk to the bunnies – I’m not sure if I was a parent I’d allow my child into a lab that contained a live giant man eating snail egg but never mind) and of course turns up the heat in the tank (because the bunnies look cold).
The next day the men find the pond where the snails are hiding – they dive in and blow them up (it takes a bit longer but it’s really not very exciting). Afterwards everybody seems falling all over themselves to congratulate CD (why – he’s still a dick – maybe it’s just ass kissing) on how he’s handled it. Then he and the Chief Scientist start driving to the lab – CD calls but the line is busy and he makes a comment on women and phones.
Well the reason the phone is off the hook is that the giant snail has hatched and after having et the bunnies is now trying to eat the stupid child and the female lead.
We cut back to the dudes in the car – CD tries again – the phone is still busy. IT never occurs to them that there might be something wrong – like with the egg. They just drive along; the CD with an expression that looks like’s contemplating the joys of wild sex with the female lead after a full day of monster killing.
They arrive of course – they save the kid and female lead. The CD oddly enough when given the choice between an axe and a fire extinguisher to use on the monster doesn’t pick the axe – and then when the extinguisher runs out grabs a well placed steam hose and scalds the snail to death – which if you add a bit of garlic and white wine means you have escargot for fifty at least.
All told – not as awful as some I’ve seen – just kind of clunky and cheap.
More later –
Peace Love, don’t let anything eat your head.
For some reason – being exposed as a sexist horse’s ass has made Chris Matthews a bigger star than ever inside the beltway. It’s moments like that you start looking about for a Bastille to storm.
To divert myself last night spent , sorry, wasted, my time watching The Monster the Challenged the World! A 1957 monster film starting nobody in particular and featuring giant radioactive snails.
The story is set in a place in southern CA known as the Salton Sea – a huge body of salt water in the middle of the desert near Death Valley. It has a rather odd history – it was created by accident in 1905 or so when several levees holding the Colorado river in blew their banks and by the time the floods were repaid – it took years – there was this big salt lake where .
Anyway the Navy has a base here and they are testing parachutes by jumping from airplanes into the water with them – testing parachutes seems kind of dicey yes? I mean if something went wrong.
“You see Johnson – your new design had a fatal flaw – a gust of wind and the chute just collapses”
“I see – well back to the lab”
“Yes – oh driver please notify the family of Airman Jones that he’s not coming home.”
“Yes sir.”
So the navy is testing chutes and there is an earthquake and then the guy with chute who lands in the water gets et. As do one of the sailors in the boat who were there to pick him up and then the other sailor in boat dies of fright.
After radio contact is lost the base’s head of naval intelligence is given the job of finding out what happened – he is the male lead – he is also a complete dick – I’m sure that he was called Commander Dick behind his back –so for the rest of this – he’s CD.
CD after chewing out a couple of people for breaking regulations finds the boat – the shriveled body of the guy in the chute, the dead body of the dead of fright guy and a tack of slime on the side of the boat.
He has is assistant take a sample of the slime “Egon, your Mucus” came to mind – they go back to the base and the Lab. At the lab is the Head Doctor and Assistant One and Assistant two along with the female lead a pretty widow with one kid (the stupid child). The stupid child is fixated on rabbits - really outside of Lennie in of Mice and Men nobody chats about rabbits more. This will lead to bad things in the end of course.
The chief along with his group analyze the slime while CD – when he isn’t pacing behind the chief scientist wondering why things are taking so long – suddenly is all warm and tender with the stupid child. The female lead notices and is impressed. There a bit of talk about how nice he is which he isn’t.
Until the mystery is solved the beaches are closed. However one sailor and his tramp girlfriend – you can tell she’s a tramp because she has a neck scarf – go swimming and get et. It moves the plot forward and underscores an important life lesson. Before the girl went to her death she and her mother exchanged harsh words – don’t ever let that happen to you in case someone is eaten by a giant snail. You’ll regret it if that happens.
By this time everybody knows something’s wrong – and assistant one and two dive into the water and they find this beach ball looking thing that they drag up to the surface – then one of them (the one with the pregnant wife – of course) is et by the giant snail.
There is much toing and froing after that. The CD makes time with the female lead (who ditches the morning widow to make time with him) while the rest of the base and the police check with the lock keepers (who operate the locks on the elaborate system of canals in the area) of course the one lock keeper who things the idea of giant man eating snails is nonsense gets et – it’s a pretty effective scene – the lock keeper hears a noise, looks around, turns to face the other way and bang a giant snail is chewing on his head – it’s not the way I’d like to go for sure – but it does depend on the movie convention that the characters can’t see anything that is outside the frame of the picture – which helps in this case - snails (especially giant snails) are not the first thing that comes to mind when you think of things that sneak up on things yes?
The beach ball thing turns out to be an egg with they keep in a pool of cold water to keep it from hatching. (How they know that is not explained). The stupid little girl wanders into the lab (to talk to the bunnies – I’m not sure if I was a parent I’d allow my child into a lab that contained a live giant man eating snail egg but never mind) and of course turns up the heat in the tank (because the bunnies look cold).
The next day the men find the pond where the snails are hiding – they dive in and blow them up (it takes a bit longer but it’s really not very exciting). Afterwards everybody seems falling all over themselves to congratulate CD (why – he’s still a dick – maybe it’s just ass kissing) on how he’s handled it. Then he and the Chief Scientist start driving to the lab – CD calls but the line is busy and he makes a comment on women and phones.
Well the reason the phone is off the hook is that the giant snail has hatched and after having et the bunnies is now trying to eat the stupid child and the female lead.
We cut back to the dudes in the car – CD tries again – the phone is still busy. IT never occurs to them that there might be something wrong – like with the egg. They just drive along; the CD with an expression that looks like’s contemplating the joys of wild sex with the female lead after a full day of monster killing.
They arrive of course – they save the kid and female lead. The CD oddly enough when given the choice between an axe and a fire extinguisher to use on the monster doesn’t pick the axe – and then when the extinguisher runs out grabs a well placed steam hose and scalds the snail to death – which if you add a bit of garlic and white wine means you have escargot for fifty at least.
All told – not as awful as some I’ve seen – just kind of clunky and cheap.
More later –
Peace Love, don’t let anything eat your head.
posted by Unknown at 7:43 AM
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