Sluggish Blue Monday on Tuesday and Big Crabs

On Mondays my thoughts are sluggish and slow and leaden with a sense of ‘eh’ about everything – it happens every Monday and are even worse when it’s a Tuesday.

So I’m kind of stuck for things to write and or think about today – not much happening at the office – it’s going to be sales kickoff week or some such so most folks are not in.

Wish I could be more excited about the Giants win than I am – but I’m not mostly cause I really can’t stand the coach and Manning gets on my nerves. Well he doesn’t the constant attempts to make him into his brother by the NY Sporting press bug me. The guy does what you want a first round quarterback to do and you can hear them carving the plaque for the hall of fame.

Part of this, I think, is fueled a bit by the deep dislike of the Patriot’s head coach that lurks deep in the NY Sportswriter’s DNA – which have turned the Patriot’s into the team of the Anti-Christ in the eyes the same press – which is a bit funny considering all those “oh no, hating the Yankees is just the face of Jealousy” stories they run and air during the baseball season.

But that said – I just feel sluggish.

Maybe the Attack of the Crab Monsters had something to do with this.

Produced and Directed by Roger Coreman – (again always a bad sign) it’s a pretty simple story – radioactive fallout creates a crab mutation that in addition to being pretty damn big – SUV big – also it has the ability to absorb the memories and knowledge of the people it eats. And can either talk or commnicate in some manner.

Anyway the story opens with an expedition arriving on a tropical atoll with express purpose of finding out what happened to the original expedition. As they discover over the course of the film – what happened was they got et.

So as the team of scientists and flunkies (the H’odruves if will) set up we are given the back-story as only Roger Corman can – by people droning on and on and on while they barely move. As this is happening the flunkies put about a ton of dynamite in a storage shed (why they brought it is unknown) and do other flunky stuff.

Then – as in the prior expedition people start getting et one by one – the twist here is that the crab (or crabs you only see one but I’m not sure if it means there is only one or that the budget was the standard size for a Roger Coleman film and they could only afford to build one. No matter.)

Anyway the twist is that once the crab has et you it learns everything about you by absorption – which could make it something more awful than death – the horror of not only knowing that you were being eaten by a crab monster but your memories of the time you wore the dress, ball gag, and the anal plug because she wanted to try something new will now be shared with the collective consciousness of the Crab Monster. That is true horror.

So the Crab is luring folks to their painful death and subsequent chowing down on them – gradually the group figure what is going on – mostly by one of the scientist saying “I know what is happening – and he then proceeds to tell everybody.

The Crab meantime decides to shorten the odds a bit by blowing up parts of the island (using the dynamite – a neat trick but the budget won’t allow us to see any of this – we are treated to stock footage of explosions. Lot s of them

In the end the island is reduced to a small outcropping with an radio tower - the crab crawls towards the last three and then as the male and female lead watch – the third wheel who sacrifices himself to save the world (played by the Professor from Gilligan Island) does so by crashing the radio tower down on the Crab Monster – killing it and himself.

Which leaves the male and female lead along on a postage stamp size island – no water and only a bare chance the radio messages they sent were received by anybody.

Still there is plenty of crab to eat. (and in a pinch a bit of the professor)

Peace Love not so big crabs boiled in salt water servered with beer and hammers