Dec 35th and Big Lizard Trouble
Well it’s finally the year end – in our business it takes some time to shake out all the numbers at the end of a year, month or quarter so while the rest of the world is looking at the calendar saying “yes I did mean to go to the gym more often but not today it’s only the 4th” for me it’s December 35th and I’m pivot tableing numbers.
It has a real “I have measured out my life in coffee spoons” feel to it let me tell you.
Nervous about the gig – more worried with asking folks to come I’m crossing the line from being persistent to being completely annoying. Shyness low self esteem whathaveyou whatever it is it’s something I keep running into as I try to get the word out and spread and what not. At this point if they don’t come, ain’t nobody gonna stop them (to use the old Yogi half cliché).
Anyway I had no time to write anything since I was e-mailing anyone with a pulse asking them to get to the gig. I pulled off today a bit on that since I found myself wanting to write “I’ll be your best friend” in the body of the message and I wasn’t entirely kidding.
I thought the Giant Gila monster was familiar and it turns out it was directed by the same luckless bastard that did Killer Shrews and the Giant Claw (do I hear strike thee here).
I don’t have a lot of time but suffice to say that the story (such as it is) revolves about the Male Lead Chase as a giant Lizard – actually a normal sized lizard wandering about what looks like HO scale somewhere in Texas (they don’t even use a real Gila Monster which is actually okay by me the damn things are poisonous – an attribute they don’t mention in the film but in some ways that makes sense if you’re the size of an Atlantic City Tour Bus poison just gilds the lily).
The main character is this guy named Chase who is the leader of the hot rod crazed kids in the town (we never really see the town just a few houses scattered about) he works as a auto mechanic, also runs a towing business, spends his time souping up his rod and taking care of the family since his dad died the family includes a little girl with braces on her legs so she can walk and some kind of exchange student who has some kind of European accent not quite French who is in love with Chase – who also wants to be a rock n’ roll star (which again makes sense – Rock n’ roll, like being a good football player or even being a good driver is a way out ) The man is presented as a utter saint. He even sings to his sister on a ukulele some kind of semi religious song about god wanting people to laugh or some such (I’m not sure sometimes if god made people so they could laugh or he made them so he could laugh but I have no time for that). The song is painful to listen to and he sings the fucking thing twice – once to a room full of teenagers who, had this not been a movie, would have beaten him to death with the empty coke bottles.
Meantime the Lizard is going about eating people and all the adults are going about getting a snoot full of booze and then getting behind the wheel of their cars. Well I lived in nowhere near anything I’d probably be doing the same thing.
There is one character who reminds me a bit of Gabby Johnson in Blazing saddles – you can’t really understand a word he says – In his case, I’m not sure the booze in his bottle was fake.
Anyway the climax of the film is when the Gila monster attacks the big teenage dance at the barn (what barn that’s barn? Who the hell cares) right in the middle of the second rendition of Chase’s ukulele song – I actually cheered – and the later the monster is blown up by Chase ramming the lizard with his hot rot (which has two jars of nitroglycerine in it) which blows the lizard up. Chase alas managed to jump clear before the explosion.
All in all I'm just sad that there went another 70 minutes I won’t have back – along with a sense embarrassment for the writers who tried to work in hep rock n’ roll phrases into the dialogue and the poor actors who had to say the lines.
More later.
Peace Love Big Lizard in my back yard.
It has a real “I have measured out my life in coffee spoons” feel to it let me tell you.
Nervous about the gig – more worried with asking folks to come I’m crossing the line from being persistent to being completely annoying. Shyness low self esteem whathaveyou whatever it is it’s something I keep running into as I try to get the word out and spread and what not. At this point if they don’t come, ain’t nobody gonna stop them (to use the old Yogi half cliché).
Anyway I had no time to write anything since I was e-mailing anyone with a pulse asking them to get to the gig. I pulled off today a bit on that since I found myself wanting to write “I’ll be your best friend” in the body of the message and I wasn’t entirely kidding.
I thought the Giant Gila monster was familiar and it turns out it was directed by the same luckless bastard that did Killer Shrews and the Giant Claw (do I hear strike thee here).
I don’t have a lot of time but suffice to say that the story (such as it is) revolves about the Male Lead Chase as a giant Lizard – actually a normal sized lizard wandering about what looks like HO scale somewhere in Texas (they don’t even use a real Gila Monster which is actually okay by me the damn things are poisonous – an attribute they don’t mention in the film but in some ways that makes sense if you’re the size of an Atlantic City Tour Bus poison just gilds the lily).
The main character is this guy named Chase who is the leader of the hot rod crazed kids in the town (we never really see the town just a few houses scattered about) he works as a auto mechanic, also runs a towing business, spends his time souping up his rod and taking care of the family since his dad died the family includes a little girl with braces on her legs so she can walk and some kind of exchange student who has some kind of European accent not quite French who is in love with Chase – who also wants to be a rock n’ roll star (which again makes sense – Rock n’ roll, like being a good football player or even being a good driver is a way out ) The man is presented as a utter saint. He even sings to his sister on a ukulele some kind of semi religious song about god wanting people to laugh or some such (I’m not sure sometimes if god made people so they could laugh or he made them so he could laugh but I have no time for that). The song is painful to listen to and he sings the fucking thing twice – once to a room full of teenagers who, had this not been a movie, would have beaten him to death with the empty coke bottles.
Meantime the Lizard is going about eating people and all the adults are going about getting a snoot full of booze and then getting behind the wheel of their cars. Well I lived in nowhere near anything I’d probably be doing the same thing.
There is one character who reminds me a bit of Gabby Johnson in Blazing saddles – you can’t really understand a word he says – In his case, I’m not sure the booze in his bottle was fake.
Anyway the climax of the film is when the Gila monster attacks the big teenage dance at the barn (what barn that’s barn? Who the hell cares) right in the middle of the second rendition of Chase’s ukulele song – I actually cheered – and the later the monster is blown up by Chase ramming the lizard with his hot rot (which has two jars of nitroglycerine in it) which blows the lizard up. Chase alas managed to jump clear before the explosion.
All in all I'm just sad that there went another 70 minutes I won’t have back – along with a sense embarrassment for the writers who tried to work in hep rock n’ roll phrases into the dialogue and the poor actors who had to say the lines.
More later.
Peace Love Big Lizard in my back yard.
Labels: bad movies -
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