Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year and the Wasp Woman


Well it’s a new year, a new day and the same old attitude – I’m trying to not sink back into my standard feelings of utter doomedness (is that a word?) and that it’s all futile.

We have a big big gig on the 5th – and we are trying to get folks to come and hence we are beating the bushes like drink maddened beaters - who back in England and Scotland would walk ahead of the hunters or even worse walk towards the hunters whacking bushes with sticks trying to flush the birds out from their ground cover and into the air were they could be slaughtered by gun wielding inbred nitwits – who were known to shoot a beater or two – but hell jobs are hard to find in some places, especially in places full of brush were the grouse hide.

One of my Christmas presents from the Enemy Below and Insect Girl was a 3 DVD set of drive in movies – films from the 50’s to early 60’s that were cheaply made with long dull stretches that I remain convinced were put there to allow couples to neck without actually missing any real part of the film. I watched a couple over the weekend – one of which was Wasp Woman. Which is 72 minutes I’ll never get back again.

I knew I was in trouble the instant I saw the credits “Produced and Directed by Roger Corman.” Now saying produced by Roger Corman is not a bad thing – he had a good handle on the movie business as it existed in the 50’s to the late 70’s and knew what a particular type of film would gross, hence he knew what his budget had to be in order for the film to make money (tiny most of the time) - and he had a good eye for talented young folks willing to work sweat shop hours for a chance to break into films. As a director his films are dull plodding tedious affairs filled with people talking to each other about things it would be better to just show.

And that’s the case here.

The story opens with an old scientist talking to a wasp’s nest as he smokes it. The Old Scientist has been doing work on wasps on a Honey company’s dime. Side note Wasps are one of the bees and bee keeper’s worst nightmares – they have been called ant wolves by people who think such things up because of their raids on Hives.

Anyway the old scientist has been experimenting with Queen Wasp Royal Jelly (which isn’t a badly translated Hong Kong product like it sounds but is what is fed to small wasp larvae to turn them into queens, or bees in the case Queen Bee royal Jelly (but I digress). Seems the treated royal wasp jelly has the ability to reverse the aging process. The VP of the honey company that has employed the Old Scientist fires him because what he’s doing has nothing to do with bees. He then leaves before the Old Scientist can talk about synergy or some such.

The old man is in a bit of bind. Who in the world would be interested in a treatment that will reverse the aging process?

Cut to….

The main board room of Starling cosmetics – run by Janice Starling. At the meeting she is going over the sales of the company and they are bad and getting worse. She asks why and what would be in a normal film the male lead but in this case is only the Younger Jerk points out – with not a little glee mind you – that the reason the sales have gone down was that Janet Starling is no longer the face of Starling Cosmetics. She says in a tight voice that one can not remain a glamour queen forever.

This film did have the opportunity to look at how judging women does to them but it’s a film made in the 1950’s when it was considered unseemly for a woman to be single of a certain age and running a business.

At any rate the board all jump on Janet with two feet about this, especially an older man (hereinafter the old jerk) who agrees with the Young Jerk and plays with a pipe as well.

Looking at this film in 2008 the nasty misogyny in the characters and the film itself leaps out at you. (And no, this was not an intentional subtext put into the film – Corman’s not that good) I mean come on – this woman founded the company had been its face for years and then bowed out. All the folks at the meeting look well fed and their clothes match, they have obviously been making damn fine money while at this firm – so instead of trying to help their boss fix the problem, they all pile on her.

Now looking for a way out she latches onto the old scientist who shows that his injections can turn guinea pigs into smaller rodents. Janet sets him up with carte blanche but demands that she be the first human experimental subject – The Old Scientist – balks but then with visions of a fully funded lab in his head agrees.

There are next some tedious, very tedious tooing and frowing where the Old Jerk and the Young Jerk are convinced that their female boss is being led astray by a conman because of her fear of looking old – which if you remember was the reason she took herself off the company’s ads. So He and the old Jerk plot and engage Janet’s Secretary Alice into their planning including stealing mail and the like.

The old jerk and the Young Jerk have jobs and titles but they never really do anything except cut the boss off at the knees and cluck about women (this by the way is the golden age that the right wing wants to go back to, thanks no, I gave at the office). An idea they could have come up with was to have a nationwide contest to pick the new face of Starling cosmetics – I remember several firms have things like that – but no snorting at the boss because she’s a woman is what they do.

Anyway the Old Scientist starts the treatments – Janet starts to look younger but then impatient with the progress takes a special concentrated dose that ends up having bad side effects – you turn into a wasp thing and kill people (then you revert to human form). Before that happens one of the experimental animals turns savage and attacks the old scientist and he in shock walks in front of a bus first going into a coma then having one of the most convenient cases of lost memory in the history of movies “there is something I can’t remember… Oh yes you turn into a killer were-wasp if you take too much”.

Meantime the wasp lady kills the Old Jerk (not a huge loss) and a night watch man and then the old scientist regains his memory and rushes into the lab where the wasp lady is -for reasons that can only be described as we need to end this film now – attacking her secretary, the young jerk fights her (by the by the wasp lady costume is pretty bad consisting of a black body stocking and an insect mask that makes the ones insect girl and Miss Trafalgar (Like the square) wear at one point in the bands act look like they were from the National Geographic) the old scientist wanders into the lab tosses acid at the wasp lady – who is then pushed out the window to her death by the Young Jerk. As this happens the Old Scientist dies of a heart attack. We cut to the dead wasp lady and then the blessed words “The End” appear. Meantime I presume the Young Jerk is asking the secretary to call the cops and get him some coffee.

Still this film was a cinematic masterwork compared to the Giant Gila Monster.

That’s next

Peace Love Wasp Women

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