Waiting for the Plumber or someone like him

It’s been a miserable couple of days here at Bob Muir and the Enemy Below World Headquarters – I’ve been battling a bathroom that has decided it would rather be a lake or at the very least a pond – and while I am loathe to try and impede anything from becoming that which they really want to be – I can’t really have a pond were my bathroom is.

Anyway I spent yesterday and early this morning dealing with this (getting some 3 hours of sleep is that in the process) – professionals now are in charge so I have quite the field.

Problems with plumbing always bring back childhood memories – not good ones either – our plumbing stunk and it was always leaking – and when we were all in the house there wasn’t money to fix it so we had holes in the ceiling and leaks when you took a shower – so what you did was put buckets at the under the holes in the ceiling when you took a shower – what didn’t everyone? – what about using hot wheels tracks to guide the leak to a bucket when it wasn’t easy to get the bucket right underneath the hole in the ceiling? No? Or using pliers to turn the water on or off because the handles to the taps fell off? No eh?

It could be things like that – along with being without a car in the suburbs for three years that contributed to my sense of isolation from the rest of the world in those days. You never know.

Funny looking back I don’t find myself nostalgic for where I grew up at all – really not in the least misty eyed about the old place – or even the town far more at ease and for more me living in the city than I ever was in the subs.

Big doings here with the band – we’re going to be mastering the album tomorrow – and then with luck get it printed up and have a cd release party – with some killer bands and a few friends along – along with doing all sorts of publicity for the damn thing.

Watching of all things Wagner’s ring on DVD – taking a break from the foaming brain of bloody horror films for a bit to let me recover a bit – some of those films can do permanent damage. Sort of promised myself I’d do this and it’s easier on DVD than at the opera house – at home I can stop and get a snack or just go to sleep if things get too much for me.

The production is the centenary production form 1980 or so – it caused a lot of fuss when it came out for the costumes and setting which were modeled after 19th and 18th century garb – it looks a bit odd for Woden (German Odin) to be wearing a frock coat and carrying a spear but the winged helmets and breast plates look kind of silly as well so at least it’s a change.

One thing I can say is Wagner really could have used an editor or at least a co-writer for the words – already several times there are spots were he restates the action – which we’ve just seen – I don’t know maybe 19th century audiences didn’t pay attention but it can be annoying – to find yourself sitting there saying “yes I know we just saw this” as someone recounts the forging of the ring that the whole cycle revolves about.

More or less as time wears on.

Huge Billboard for Fox Business news channel outside my office these days – it’s a little creepy – all the featured newscasters are women all with the same steppford wife smile – but I have to do something – last I heard fox business news’s ratings were so low as to be in the public access channel range.

Later – things to do

Peace Love, let’s turn the acoustic down a bit eh?

Old World Series Games, Seaver, & E-Dating

I’ve been watching “Met’s Classics” on SNY the last few nights – they are rebroadcasting the 1969 World Series – and while I had seen highlights from these games before I hadn’t seen the whole games – even when it was being played – I was at school at the time. As much as I do wish for World Series games in the daylight – not a lot of folks get to see them if they do that – but at least the Saturday and Sunday games could start in the daytime yes?

Anyway I noticed more than a few things that made me go “huh”.

One of which – in 1969 there was no cult of celebrity the way there is now – Jacklyn Kennedy Onasis could go to a ball game without 1,000’s of lunatics with cameras snapping her damn picture and her son who was oh maybe 10? Could go get a hot dog by himself (or something he just sort of wandered away and Jackie looked behind her for a moment before going to back to watching the game). Also Pearl Bailey was in the crowd but nobody paid much mind – she was there to see a ball game – as was everybody else.

Lot of suits, sport coats and ties in the crowd –the odd straw hat at well – not like today when everybody (and I’m as guilty as anybody else) has got official team stuff on – down to the boxer shorts (I may have over shared).

The TV coverage was –as to be expected – had fewer cameras to work with – Outfield looking in, behind home plate looking out – and that was it. When the ball was hit the cameras went after the ball – on some hot shots they weren’t fast enough and all you saw was the infielder getting ready to throw the ball.

When they did replays you got one – even Rod Swaboda’s catch in Game 4– which if he had been a better outfielder would have know was impossible – got one replay with a “what an amazing catch” from Kurk Gowdy before they went back to the matter of the game.

And nobody took pitchers out – in his two wins Koosman pitched 17 and 2/3rd’s innings. Hodges took Seaver out in Game 1 for a pinch hitter but in game 4, after the Orioles tied it up in the 9th Hodges let Seaver pitch in the 10th – which meant he got the win when the Mets scored in the bottom of the inning. Would anybody leave somebody in for 10 innings these days? Ever? Even if he was working on a no hitter? In fact it’s become so accepted that you pull pitchers that I’d completely forgotten Seaver pitched in the 10th. I just assumed Hodges had pulled him because that is what you.

Well now anyway.

And of course we didn’t have ad logos slapped on everything that would sit still long enough.

And they used the bullpen cart. (Which I found kind of silly but there you go).

And Tom Seaver was an amazing pitcher – my personal memories are when he was getting by with guile but at the top of his form in 1969 there were few better.

That being said I will insist that Steve Carlton’s performance in the 1972 Season with the utterly hapless Philadelphia Phillies is the greatest single season pitching performance in the history of baseball.

The line score for Lefty in 1972 27 wins 10 losses. 346.3 Innings pitched 41 games started – 30 complete games - 1.97 – ERA and 310 strike outs

Okay – impressive and easily enough to be a major candidate for that years CY young but the best ever?

Well look at W/L for the Steve wasn’t pitching: 32-87 – (a winning percentage of .253 compared to Carltons .723) if Steve had had lets say .500 ball club behind him he probbably would have won over 30 games that year. At least .

I’m going to do this up a bit more rigorously at some point. (Stat wise I mean)

Meantime I’ve been trying out internet dating services – and well nothing much is happening – mostly cause I can’t really imagine anybody finding me a romantic match (low self esteem the gift that keeps on giving) along with a crippling sense of shyness (when not on stage) and some deep seated shame.

Anyway – one of the sites – True offers all sorts of personality tests (which I admit I’m a complete sucker for – Like Alice with her pencils I’m happy for hours with one of these things) and then after you take the test they give you some advice – well I took the test and read the advice and if anything – I’m even more depressed.

Thanks.

Let me explain – they say things like this:

“You have an overall healthy attachment style, with some unhealthy tendencies.”

Well thanks loads guys – just the thing I want to hear.

“Sexual Experience
You have had relatively limited sexual experience up to this point in your life.”

Well yes – again thanks ever so much for pointing that out to me. I can feel the esteem blooming.

“Give things a try. You might be surprised by how well something ends up.”

Or have your worst fears confirmed yet again. Guys I can deal without the Pollyanna gibberish okay?

“Practice saying yes when you want to say no – at least some of the time. “

I don’t even know what the hell they are talking about. Yes to what?

“Practice keeping your feelings under control (without suppressing them) and it will become more natural. Express them in an appropriate time and place, and do so calmly.’

Jesus you’re making me feel like some out of control lunatic. Again thanks – I fucking grew up in an environment where expressing emotions was verboten – any emotion.

Meantime they tell what to look for in my ideal woman.

Per them I run about average per emotional intelligence – so their advice goes:” Although someone with average emotional intelligence — someone just like you — would be an easier match for you, you might benefit more from a partner who is highly emotionally intelligent”

Without really explaining why someone who was highly emotionally intelligent would want to deal with someone who isn’t. It’s like you’re very very smart – find someone stupid you’ll enjoy explaining things to them – a lot.

“As you work on building your self-esteem and boosting your confidence, being in a relationship with a partner who already has healthy self-esteem and a lot of confidence could be the ideal situation for you.”

1) this is about a relationship not therapy and again 2) other than doing it out of charity – which I have no interest in thank you very much – why would someone with a “healthy self-esteem and a lot of confidence” want to deal with someone who doesn’t?

“Although your responses show that you have both optimistic and pessimistic tendencies, finding a partner who is more optimistic than you are will benefit you greatly. See your partner as an example — someone with a healthier way of looking at the world that you could try on for size”

Fuck you.

“You would be happiest in a relationship with someone introverted – someone like you. Not having to explain yourselves or your behaviors to one other can be extremely appealing. On the other hand, if you would like to become more outgoing, pairing with an extrovert might be just the thing to draw you out of your shell”

This is about the 13th time they have ‘on the other hand” in their advice – I’m running out of hands guys.

“Since you often have difficulty taking the needs of others into account,” (again thanks you make me feel like the most selfish bastard on the face of the earth)” you would be best paired with an assertive individual who has little difficulty making it clear what they wants and requires from you. This kind of partner must also have high self-esteem so that they feels comfortable sticking up for him/herself when they feels that you are thinking of yourself instead of the well being of your relationship (again why would someone well balance do this to themselves?). Regardless of whom you are with, however, you need to make an effort to remember the importance of thinking of others and sometimes put their needs before your own.”

I was raised to put the thinking of others and their needs before my own – all the time -
So my self absorption is probably a reaction to the misery that caused me for years. So back the hell off jack.

“Assertiveness
Although you are relatively assertive, you might want to consider the reasons behind your inconsistency in this area. “

I thought I was a self centered bastard what the hell is this about?

“You tend to be as happy and comfortable alone as you are with other people. Nevertheless, your moderate level of sociability, reinforced by a lack of know-how in this area, might still be holding you back. If you take action and perk up, people will flock to you. They will want to be around you as much as you want to be around them.”

1) Thanks for the “lack of know-how remark” 2) what part of I am okay alone didn’t you get? 3) I don’t always want to be around people – they can get on my nerves.

“Consider taking steps to bring your social skills to a new level, as this will undoubtedly improve your chances at finding love.”

And these would be what? This level thing pisses me off – it’s like life’s a video game – “Congratulations you have reached level 21 – you have a choice of the following powers”

“While on some days you may feel like you are on top of the world, on other days, doubts about your personal worth and abilities probably begin to creep in. You may be held back socially by these occasional doubts. When you begin to truly believe in yourself and your abilities, you will notice that interacting with others will become much easier. And, believe it or not, self-confidence has been shown to be a more important factor in determining someone's attractiveness than physical beauty.”

I’m not sure how this relates to me as a self absorbed dolt – and no I don’t believe it. People still want to bang Brittany Spears – while I don’t think that says anything good about them – it sure as hell ain't her stunning self confidence they are attracted to either.

“Perhaps you can work on becoming more consistently optimistic. This will probably be a plus in looking for that special someone, as optimism is an attractive quality in a person.”

Again – Fuck you. Sunny brilliant optimism led to among other things Iraq and W’s hideously ugly yellow carpet in the oval office – being optimistic is almost physically painful for me – the way I deal with thing is say “what’s the worst that could happen?” figure out how I would deal with that and then move on.

“You need some emotional closeness and intimacy with your romantic partners, but not a lot. Check in with future partners to make sure that they are getting the amount of intimacy that they need. Perhaps you are missing out on one of the greatest aspects of love — the emotional closeness that can develop between people who care about each other. “

Something about this paragraph pisses me off more than the rest – sweet mercy yes I am missing that aspect of love – I’m missing all the other fucking ones as well dickweed – including the fucking.

Okay last thing:

“You tend to be independent when you are in a relationship, not needing to rely on your partner for much. While it is important to stay true to yourself and maintain your own identity when part of a couple, there is something to be gained from uniting with another human being at a level so intimate that at times you feel as though you are one. Don’t miss out on that opportunity when it presents itself. Life can sometimes be a lot more satisfying when we take a risk!”

Stop. Stop it just stop it okay? This perky brightness hurts my teeth and gives me a headache.

Peace, Love, Complete Games

warning - grumpy post!

Okay – someone has been shoving crystal meth into Tom Halprin’s sugar. In a very very odd article in Time magazine he listed some of the things that McCain could do to beat Obama – which include accusing Obama of being some kind of Manchurian candidate and having some of his spokesmen play the “the negroes are coming the negroes are coming – they will take your jobs and gay marriage you daughters!” theme song - note he wasn’t advocating calling Obama a n-r but he suggested McCain’s campaign could come close to that.

Indeed all over the country pr firms are trying out terms to see where the line is “Jungle bunny – can we say jungle bunny?” just so the GOP will know what it is come November.

He’s being pinned to the wall by the blogsphere on this but he insists that it’s analysis not advice – which means of course – it was.

What a sad miserable and utterly useless collection of power mad dickwads the GOP has turned into -

I suspect that should Obama win the nomination – which seems more likely these days than not – we are going to be treated to a vision of the many faces of racism in this country – ranging from the Illinois Nazi party to the white’s only country club crowd – and it’s not going to be a pretty sight at all.

Or a sound either – the sound of soft pink men whining is very very annoying. “But our way of life!”

Meantime in related news: Obama wears a funny hat! Therefore he’s a terrorist! And the Clinton campaign pushed the photo! Or not!

Meantime the mortgage crisis wears on, Iraq remains a bloody mess (the Turks are bombing the Kurds by the way), Afghanistan is falling apart – we’re led by a spineless congress and an overconfident mental midget dink – most people think the country is seriously off track and this is the most important thing the press can talk about?

We. Are. Doomed.

Who the hell cares about this stupid picture? Granted it may call into question Obama’s taste in clothing but I wear misfit T-shirts at 50 so I really shouldn’t talk. – And congressmen and other politicians been dressing in things like this for a long time now. (Granted if I was advising anybody thinking of going on to higher office I’d have rule – no photo op’s in the traditional garb of anywhere – ever.) And W loves to play dress up.

But they all do – it’s all over the nets and the papers.

We. Are. Doomed.

I mean really – for example we’re not going to get any real change in the health care system until thousands of people die from some kind of deadly airborne virus that crashed out into the general population because too many people go to the emergency room to get basic medical care and from there spread to the lives of important people killing a large number of them. Call it the Titanic effect – where the number of lifeboats required on a passenger ship wasn’t increased until after all those people drowned – including an Astor or two if memory serves. Too many people making too much money on the current system to change it.

And climate change – nothing and I repeat nothing will be done until the Midwest is another dust bowl – Atlanta is abandoned because of drought and the water is lapping at people’s doorways in Georgetown. And not one second sooner.

Eh- I should stop, this way lies serious bourbon abuse and I’m trying to be a little more positive. As much as it kills me.

I feel sometimes like I’m standing on a bridge that’s near collapse – you can hear the evil pinging sound of the cables holding up the thing start to fail – but the folks that could be doing something about it are too well fed, well fucked and well medicated to bother – besides they won’t need the bridge if it fails – they have boats.

Ack.

I’d think about kittens (I love cats) but I’m allergic – like get asthma attack allergic – so that’s out.

And the Mets are in the process of losing their first spring training game – To the University of Michigan – yeah it’s spring training but still.

I suppose I’m going to get an MLB package of some sort – like god forbid I miss an inning of a west coast game between Seattle and Tampa Bay – yes I’m that addicted. I was watching the Caribbean world series games – in Spanish – of which – despite years in high school – I don’t understand a lick – except Goaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!! Which may not be Spanish now that I think of it.

Feh.

It may just be the weather.

Peace love the Rain will stop.
.
Diana Rigg of course.

The Gig, Pin Nonsense, Dogroa, Ducks and Creatures

Hello – thanks a lot for everybody that signed up on the mailing list – we really appreciate it – glad you enjoyed the show.

Other than a sense of nameless dread that was sitting on my chest this morning I’m doing pretty good – the gig although not a lot of regular fans showed up – was a lot of fun – our newest member (currently going under the name of Mistress B – until the exact final one comes to mind) was great and we’ve now added yet another silly layer to “Someone Else” by have the back up singers (I want to say girls but they are grown women so I won’t) fool around with Guitar Hero controllers while The Enemy Below played his solo. Also the Dude overcame his injury (and some kind of weird madness that had him singing fractured versions of the lyrics before the gig – too bad we didn’t have a tape going it was priceless) to provide a great performance on the drums.

Me – well I need to do some damn road work – like a lot of it – my wind sucks and I’m too heavy and when I started to bounce around on stage I got short of breath too damn easy. I was pushing myself figuring well not a lot of folks showed up but there are people where who haven’t seen us and I just pushed the pedal to the floor and went flat out figuring if I’m still standing at the end of the set I didn’t push hard enough.

Well I was still standing but it hurt – hence the need for road work.

Off to master the album next weekend – more time sitting on a couch listening to me blow a note again and again and again – part of me would rather spend the time tearing my fingernails off one at a time but that part of me is really one I can ignore pretty well.

Saw Dogro one of the more obscure Japanese Toho Science fiction films – other than the lovely Akiko Wakabayashi who is part of a gang of diamond thieves the film really doesn’t have any high points – they were tying to do something different with this film as the monster is a mutated space cell that eats carbon (which is where the diamonds come in) but it never quite comes off and there is only a bare link between the diamond robbers and the monster story.

Meantime for some reason I can’t even begin to fathom (or want to really) there is floating out there the idea that because Obama doesn’t wear a flag pin or put his hand over his heart during the national anthem – he isn’t ‘patriotic’ enough to run for president. Now I know that the electing a president has disintegrated into a shallow image competition with twits commenting in excited voices on the latest update in the horse race but dear lord in heaven this is a new low even for the kind of gibberish we’ve seen.

A flag pin? Are you fucking kidding? And for CNN to run with this story linking to an ugly story the AP ran which simply quoted one right wing nitwit after another saying that Obama is a doody head and doesn’t wear a flag pin so he’s a Muslim terrorist op – or something else that bad – suggests to me that the people running CNN have had their brains replaced by dried frog parts.

Or something.

This is madness – good god if I was really some kind of Muslim Manchurian candidate being run from the super bat cave that Ben Laden has in Pakistan – I’d have the damn flag pin stuck to my forehead and wear nothing but red white and blue and hum the star spangled banner over and over again every waking minute – also I would be white and blonde and not be well spoken.

Personal note – I wore a flag pin after 9/11 up until we rolled over the Iraqi border.

Meantime – the president (remember him? The self absorbed twit?) keeps trying to scare people into passing the FISA bill with the telecom immunity in it – in fact he’s making the immunity the focal point of his plea – he was saying that some of the telecom companies were refusing to cooperate until the immunity was put in – which was a switch the last time they stopped cooperating with the government on tapping phones was when the Fed was late with their payments. And later the white house said never mind, they are cooperating. So what is the problem again?

Meantime – a story came out saying top economists see signs of recession.

Uh-huh – what clued you in bunky? The collapse of the housing market? The massive bank losses followed by news of layoffs? What was it?


Some sad news – Steve Gerber creator of Howard the Duck has passed away at 60 which to me now seems not old – he had nothing to do with the movie. Also Ben Chapman who played the Creature of the Black Lagoon died this weekend. No I’m not going to go with that they come in threes bit – because it’s silly – they only start saying it comes in threes after the first two pop off and well wait long enough someone of some celebrity status is bound to pass away.

Peace Love Ducks and Creatures

Snow and a Big Story and a picture of Dogs.

The big story –

Well not really - the big story seems to be the hint that John McCain might have (oh horror of horrors it can’t be!) some kind of relationship with a pretty young lobbyist – back before 2000 and that his campaign back then and even recently worked very very hard to spike the story.

Frankly I couldn’t care less (well I could but it would take a lot of effort and I’m not willing to put that much effort into it) if John was banging every lobbyist he was meeting with (as mind curdling as that thought may be) Washington is a seething caldron of crazed sex – and as someone said – Politics is a way for ugly guys to get laid as someone said – perhaps the same person who said god invented Whiskey so ugly girls can have sex too.

Maybe it’s because I’m of Irish extraction (with a dash of dour and unhappy Scot tossed in) but booze has never really served to stir up my desire to get my wild thing on – if anything it’s had the opposite effect – couple three beers and well I’m ready to watch a baseball or soccer game, reflect on national politics, the state of the world, sing Irish songs, watch a horrible film, listen to band or just bull shit , or more often go to bed, but sex, not so much.

Granted that’s just me – I’ve seen enough folks where you put a few drinks into them they turn into crazy people – can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen folks change from calm and laid folks into some form of trogg creature screaming things like “Ook need fuck need fuck now – Please fuck Ook” only less coherent.

I digress.

The real point of the story is well – McCain has just piss poor judgment – after almost getting tossed out of the senate because of his involvement with the S&L lobbyists (pulling strings for them and what not) – he starts doing the same damn thing with this young woman’s clients. And keeps on doing it after his advisors tell him this is a huge mistake – not to mention that she keeps popping up at places he’s at all the time.)

That more than the oh is he banging her aspect of the story is what is really important. (hat tip to Digby for pointing this out - http://www.digbysblog.blogspot.com/ - check the blog out it’s very very good (warning left wing for sure).

Meantime if anybody cares A) W is in Africa and B) his approval rating in one poll came in at 19% - which considering that he recently threw a hissy fit that his good buddies the telecom companies weren’t being given retroactive immunity for the spying they did for him (illegally you have to assume) and saying that because of this we’re all going to die in our beds – and after offering his words of wisdom and comfort to the victims of a series a huge tornados “life is unfair”.

You know the last thing I’d fucking want after I’ve lost my home and maybe god forbid more than that would be to listen to the vapid gibberish coming from the mouth of some over coddled rich man boy who’s only real suffering came from hangovers.

Meantime – well the snow is falling down here – the tops of the buildings in Manhattan look pretty with the snow on them – it’s when you get down into the muck and the mire that well it gets ugly – and the trains are delayed and the subways and buses are late and crowded and folks get in a bad mood.

I’m going to enjoy the white sugar look of the tops the buildings for a while – I dwell too much in the negative anyway.

Meantime – I see another republican congressman has been indicted – this time the guy is from Arizona and it oddly enough links to little Albert Gonzalez’s purge of the US DA’s one of whom was based in Arizona. I’m not say that Al forced the guy out of office because he didn’t want embarrassing headlines before the 2006 elections but it is what damn well looks like. Well one more thing for the next president to fix.

Read an interesting article on rock vs. jazz in Salon – which while interesting didn’t quite catch me – I have some thoughts on the matter but they need more time to get into something resembling sentences that might be interesting to read.

The one thing that the article brought out was at least one Jazz snob – a race of folks who seem to think that a playing a flattened diminished 7th chord in a piece of music is a sign of high artistic purpose – if I remember correctly he wrote something to the effect that 100 years from now rock will be dead and Jazz will yada yada yada. Which is kind of silly nobody really knows what the hell people will think about what was done now in a 100 years – for all we know they may decide that Barry Manilow, Neal Diamond and Abba were the towering talents of the time and that the Beatles, the Stones, Miles Davis and Bob Dylan were just over hyped.

I’m not saying it’s likely, it is possible, we don’t know the future and what will happen. At the end of the Elizabethan era Shakespeare was regarded as an okay playwright – he was pretty popular but he just wasn’t as held in high regard as say Ben Johnson who was a master of formal structure and Aristotle’s unities. (The play must take place over a single day among others).

Of course sometimes things just keep going – Dickens was wildly popular when he was alive and Beethoven was BEETHOVEN before he died as well so even the everything the mob loves is just trash isn’t always true.

Hope to see you at the gig our new backup singer is very excited to be playing I’m nervous about getting a cold but that’s me – I have to worry about something – and I hope the snow stops by tonight so folks can get to the show.


Ah yes the picture – this is from Cracked .com and maybe the stupidest thing I have seen in a long time – yes it is the manger scene done with dogs – irreligious, or just mind blowingly stupid I can’t figure out but too damn weird not to share.

Later

Peace love snowplowing

Farewell Fidel, Odd Stuff and Band Notes.

This is two days worth of stuff so it's gonna be long - sorry.

Cha-cha-changes

Well Fidel Castro has stepped down – maybe the last communist ruler in the world – The Chinese seem to drifting into a one-party state with a degree of freedom for the economy and little for the people. In other words the kind of state we like dealing with (at least to view the historical record).

And oddly enough looking at the record – that after the World War 2 – the best chance an autocratic ruler has of dying peacefully in their bed is to be an unabashed and avowed enemy of the United States from day one. Look at Fidel – 40 years he was the uber red menace just 90 miles away and despite a plethora of keystone cop style attempts to kill him is still at 81 upright. Line him up with Iran’s Ayatollah who over saw the hostage taking in Tehran, Ho Chi Min (remember him?), The leader of the Sandinista Party Daniel Ortega is back in power in Nicaragua (they were an early version of the scary brown people who don’t speak English are going to destroy us) and of course Osama Ben Ladden still lives and breathes and makes the odd broadcast. Hell the last really big time adversary that the US and it’s allies managed to kill was Cue Guevara and now his picture is just about everywhere.

But if we look at rulers of our client states – results are not so good – Suddam Hussein being the most recent of a line of rulers who did what we told them and then changed his mind. Those we destroy with gusto – The invasion of Panama – the coup in 1963 in Viet Nam when we were worried that Diem might be going soft on the war. Either that or you own damn people storm the gates and if you’re lucky to go into exile (the Shah of Iran) if not you get a bullet in the head – Somoza for example.

It’s bit odd to think about.

Meantime The Supreme court - in as nice a piece of legal pettifogging as I have ever seen – has ruled that the ACLU can not sue the NSA for warrant less wiretapping because the people the ACLU are representing have no legal standing in the case – because they can’t prove they have been subject to illegal wiretapping. And why don’t they know? Because the NSA has said the list of people they have tapped is a secret – which they won’t release. So in order, per the supreme court, for someone to sue the government (and by extension the telecoms) for warrant-less wire taps, you have to know you’ve been tapped, which you won’t know because it is a secret who we are tapping.

Catch 22 anybody?

In other cheerful news – it seems that the suicide rate among people between 45-54 has jumped some 20% from 1999 to 2004 – much to the puzzlement of researchers. I’m not going to suggest that the Presidency of George Bush and the subsequent death of hope that came after he was re-elected have something to do with it but the gloomy hopeless sense nothing is ever going to be better that has withered this country’s soul can’t be helping.

As a sad note one of the folks mentioned in the NY Times Article (who had suffered from depression her whole life) had been getting treatment in a facility but after a month the Insurance company stopped paying – the woman’s parents offered to keep paying but per a friend she didn’t want to burden them.

Very depressing to contemplate on this Monday Tuesday – there is much talk about heath insurance but what we need is heath care – giving everybody health insurance just expands the universe of people that the insurance companies screw by not paying for their treatment. We need universal health care not a system to funnel taxpayer dollars to insurance companies who will be under very few pressures to spend it.

Alas the bad movie I saw this weekend is enough to break my mood - it was Brain of Blood – which not to shockingly was about brain transplants – the Amir of an imaginary eastern country is dying – the only chance is a desperate throw were his brain is to be transplanted into another body, the surgery to be done by the mad scientist – really it should have been a hoot – there is awful acting, a sinister midget, lots of time wasting wandering about – an acid scarred 7 ft child man who ends up with the Amir’s brain in him, women in chains in a dungeon – bad car chases but it just felt old and tired and it didn’t look like it was a lot of fun to do – this film links back to the earlier Blood series – Mad Doctor of Blood Island, Brides of Blood, Creature of Blood, CPA of Blood (kidding) and what not – which at least had a lot of pretty Filipino women in sarong looking things and lush jungle backgrounds to make things look interesting and other directors other than Al Admanson who is bad in a dull way. Brain looks like it was filmed in the same valley that they shot robot monster – I swear I recognized a rock or two. In the end it was a bunch of has beens or never where’s trying to squeeze a payday out the dying 60’s era B-movie business (it was 1972 and the drive ins and the grind houses were starting to dry up) – without any of the lunatic energy and what the hell spirit of the best (and the worst) of these kind of films – this one was just dull.

Meantime Bush has said that the reason the economy is in the tank is because people built too many homes – which is kind of surprising since a few months ago - before we realized what a real mess we have on hand – he was citing the number of homes being built as a sign of the economy’s strength.

Saw Fantasy Mission Force again last night – split between band rehearsal – and well I have no real words – nothing and I mean nothing about this film makes a lick of sense (and I don’t think it is just the dubbing) – scenes jump from on to the other like the editor was blind and deaf and the whole movie careens about like a drunk on rocking ship – one minute they are in a haunted house then they are attacked by masked Amazons who attack them with bolts of brightly colored cloth – then they end up fighting two Chinese guys in SS uniforms along with a mob of masked soldiers driving late 70’s and early 80’s big US Cars all of which are decorated with German and Nazi insignia – at which point Jackie Chan who had been in the movie briefly wanders back in and becomes the hero after the commandos are killed and the leader turns out to have double crossed them.

The thing is with this film is that to use sentences to describe what’s happening imposes an order over the film that it does not have. Really you can feel your brain trying to make some sense of this and finally throwing its hands up and going off to forget things like where you went to third grade.

Meantime – meantime meantime – Obama has won in the most recent primaries and won like big time. I would suggest to Hilary if she really wants a damn chance to win this thing is to fire that fat fool of a campaign manager and have you and your surrogates stop sounding like republican attack poodles spouting the day’s talking points to the assembled zombie horde. People with working forebrains hate this stuff and during the primaries have a means of showing it.

I find it odd that many of the people who are going on about how all Obama has is words spent the week after Reagan died saying again and again what a great communicator he was – I mean WTF was Reagan a mime? Sorry - I need to get that image out of my head – Reagan in mime white face doing the invisible wall in front of congress.

The right wing has jumped all over Mrs. Obama for saying she feels proud of her country for the first time – Meantime - Mrs. not as batshit crazy as Rudy but still as nutty as a shithouse rat – Sorry Mrs. McCain said she was always proud of her country.

This I think – exhibits the absolute and utter break between the progressive and the current right wing mind set in this country – as a progressive/ liberal or left wing I want this country to live up to its potential and live by the principles under which it was founded, granted the folks that wrote those principles didn’t think they applied to women, poor people, blacks, slaves or really anybody who wasn’t a white landowning male but the principles and ideals took on a life of their own and the years have gone by – slowly, haltingly, with plenty of backward steps, resisted every inch, they have progressed – that is the America we see, a system that is in process of becoming not perfect but tying to match its ideals.

On the other side we have folks that would be defending what was done if W decided to fire bomb all the puppy farms in America – “they have fleas you know” or deny with loud voices eyes shut and hands over their ears that there are any problems including the vast fields of dead smoldering puppies. America can, in their eyes do nothing wrong, as long as it doesn’t try anything new, then they bitch like crazy.

First rehearsal with the woman who’s replacing the Insect girl – she doesn’t have a nick name just yet – we’ve been tossing about things like Mistress Mclovin or some such but It’ll come – it took a while for S-Dawg to get his right – things were a little rough but she’s very good and brings a lot to the table - including a different spirit than Insect Girl which is good – you want, or I want, or really we want – people in this band to be themselves not mimic someone else – if we’re about anything we’re about being authentic people using mostly fake names.

It’s dada deal with it.

Anyway our true and major worry right now is the Dude who managed to wrench his shoulder pretty badly playing soccer last week – he was at rehearsal (which surprised us) but we all knew when the pain killers wore off because he just collapsed on his drum kit like Keith Moon after taking too many Rhino tranquilizers. He’s a trooper and game as they come so he’ll be there Saturday but it hurts to watch him move about with that ginger – waiting for it to hurt again way you do when you’re injured yourself.

Per the Enemy Below he’s not allowed to play soccer anymore – I’ll let him tell him that.

Peace Love Painkillers

A Red Shirt Repeat for Valentine's Day

As my own sort of Valentine's gift - and because The Enemy Below asked me to - here (once again) is the story of Ensign Ricky of Star Fleet:

Star Date 2411.52 – Morning, I’m very nervous today, it’s will be my first day on the Enterprise, the most famous ship in the Federation. This is a big step up. To tell the truth I’m surprised at how easy it was for me to get this post straight out of the academy, my roommate who has transferred to the science wing told me there was a 5 year wait for science officers on the Enterprise, but they took me right away.

Still this is a big day. I’m in the red uniform of a Federation Security Ensign. My mom would be so proud.

Later – my first day wasn’t quite what I expected. I was beamed aboard with fifteen other security guards. The chief of security – a nasty looking guy with an eye patch greeted us with the words “Welcome to hell you luckless bastards” then led us to our quarters. As we walked the corridors people looked at us and started going Baaa baaa like sheep.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“Lambs to the slaughter meat” the Chief said. “Just shut up. Here’s you room.”

My roommate Markus was there to greet me. He was drunk.

“Welcome to hell” he said and held out a bottle.

“I don’t drink.” I said.

“Better start” he said “You can just about stand this place if you’re drunk all the time” and then passed out.

Stardate 2422.33 – Yesterday was the first time the Captain asked for two men from security to go along on a shore party with him since I’ve been on board. I expected that in keeping with Starfleet regulations, the duty officer would pick them. But what happened was that each ensign would pick a stone out of a jar. If it was white you stayed on the ship, black meant you were in the shore party. The two picked, Ensign Gable and Ensign Rank were very upset, Gable couldn’t stop crying and Rank had to be physically forced into the transporter.

“We’ll that’s the last we’ll see of them” Markus said, taking another drink.

It turned out Markus was right – some kind of moth creature ate Gable and Rank was crushed to death by a shower of boulders. The Captain and the rest of the party, Mr. Spock and Doctor McCoy returned safely.

I think this may have been a mistake.

Stardate 2484.10 – Nobody ever mentioned just how badly Vulcans smell when you are up close them. I was just in the elevator with Mr. Spock. It was god awful. I don’t see how the Capitan stands it.

Stardate 2906.04 - .Wrenched my knee during training and went to sick bay. When I got there McCoy was yelling into the com unit “Suck my dick you half breed freak.” He was clearly very angry and kept on: “God-damn half breeds, worse than – what the hell do you want?” It was clear he was drunk, he reeked of bourbon.

Still, he bandaged my knee and took me off active duty for a while gave me some pills for the pain.

“If you don’t mind’ he said, his mood shifting at warp speed , “I think I’ll join you” at which he popped two pills into his mouth, drank more bourbon, took a shot of something out of his medical bag said “Ohhhh yeah baby! Daddy’s gonna rock tonight” and passed out.

Stardate 2456.11 – it has become obvious that the Enterprise, far from being the finest ship in the fleet is a snake pit of drunkenness and depravity. The Captain terrifies everyone except for Mr. Spock with his frequent temper tantrums about trivial matters. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to drag the unconscious body of Commander Scott out of one of the maintenance hatches. Per Markus what Scott likes to do best is get a quart of scotch, crawl into a hatch and drink himself into oblivion.

In the security unit the morale sinks lower and lower each day as time after time men go with the Captain never to return. So far we have lost twenty three men to alien lasers, spears, firearms etc., two were eaten by some from of alien slime mold and on Reilos 5 three were taken over by Alien Life forms and had to be pushed into the lava pits that dot the planet. Meantime, the Captain, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy keep returning without a scratch.

Stardate 2571.59 – Markus is gone. He was absorbed by a mutant jelly. His last words to me were “I’m going to take that bastard with me.” The Captain, Mr. Spock and McCoy returned. The Captain’s shirt was torn and needed to be replaced.

Stardate – 2581.66 – Markus had warned me not to get involved with anyone on the ship “No romance for security” was his motto. “Even if you find someone,” he said, “That bastard Kirk will horn in, you can be sure as I’m standing here that will happen. There isn’t a single woman on this vessel that bastard hasn’t banged at least once. Even the ugly ones.” But Betty is such a wonderful person.

When I’m with her the pain lifts a bit. I’ve been looking my whole life for someone like this.

Stardate – 2582.67- The Captain has taken a shine to Betty and I got quite upset. “He’s a hound” I said.“Now now” she said “he likes young women. He's a pig but this is a chance for me to advance, don’t you want that?”

“Yes but”

“Listen it's not like I have a choice really he's the Captain, Still the other girls told me, all you have to do is give him a blow job once in a while. He’s really not much in the sack anyway. And it means I’ll get promoted”

“But but but”

“Now hush.”

Stardate 2583.60 - I decided to have it out with Kirk. Using my security pass I opened the door to his cabin. He was facing away from me tied up on a wooden frame and wearing a French maid’s outfit. Lt. Uhra dressed as a nun was hitting his bare buttocks with some kind of paddle. It was apparent from the marks on Kirk’s skin that this had been going on for while. With each impact, Kirk would scream “Yes! Yes! I am such a bad girl! Yes! Yes! Such a naughty naughty Girl! Spank me! Spank me! I’ve been soooo badddd mommy!”

Stardate 2584.12 – Betty is gone. She beamed down with Kirk and Spock and McCoy and two guards. I actually volunteered the Security Chief laughed at me. “Not a Chance.”

She and the other two were tortured to death by the Klingons. Kirk has a bruise on his forehead.

Stardate 2592.07 - Commander Scott came into the Security lounge drunk and sat next to me. Then he started talking to me, between the alcohol and his accent it was hard to understand exactly he was saying but it clear he was upset about the engines and the captain. He said some odd things about Mr. Spock and the Captain being too close, then put his hand on my thigh.

Stardate 2601. 04 – This is it; Widow Maker is beaming down along with the Alien Stink bomb and the Junky. I’ve picked the black stone. Bound to happen. Matter of time. My name will join the 234 others on the roll of honor in the Security Lounge. What a crock. I’m badly hung over and I need to check my phaser before I go. Lets, see, set to stun, safety off, and [transmission ends]

well have a good one.

Peace love Red Shirts

Ugly Things and Romantic Films

Miserable morning today – got soaked going to the subway and going from the subway.

Speaking of Miserable not content with obscene gestures – our distinguished supreme court justice Antonin Scalia has shown he possesses obscene thinking as he expounded to the BBC that he thought the Constitution didn’t prohibit torture (the part about cruel and inhuman punishment or the right against self incrimination must have passed him by) citing the old and tired – ticking bomb idea where you know a bomb has been planted (in general) and you now it’s going to go off soon but you have no idea where it is. So the idea is that under this situation water boarding, beatings and tips under the fingernails are morally valid as you are tying to save lives. This is the excuse – the reality of course is that even under this highly unlikely event – I mean to have penetrated a terrorist cell enough to know all that and not know even in a general way where the bomb is beggars the imagination – all the terrorist has to do is keep his mouth shut for x minutes and he wins.

Outside of the fever dream imaginations of the punishment freaks that inhabit the right wing these days – that we are talking about torture as part of our normal activities is a sad and disgusting mark of how deep into the muck we have sunk. To toss away the most fundamental principles established in the formation of this country because we are afraid of thugs hiding in caves speaks volumes of our utter cowardice and lack of even the smallest faith in our principles. We have gone from give me liberty or give me death to hiding under a blanket.

Torture is useless in getting timely accurate intelligence – for many reasons not the least of which is that the person being tortured is very likely to say anything he or she thinks the interrogator wants to hear. What torture is good for is just that – getting someone to say exactly what the questioner wants to hear – whatever it is – overseeing plots to overthrow Comrade Stalin, Herr Hitler or that you flew naked on a broom stick to a witches Sabbath and there kissed Satan’s butt and then cursed the crops so they withered. Torture is not about intelligence it is about the unrestricted right of the state to do whatever it wants to whoever it wants and provide it’s own justifications for it. It’s as evil as it gets folks.

On another tack tomorrow is Valentines Day – I will be celebrating as usual by making pasta and watching The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. To those of us uncoupled (happily or otherwise) the whole thing is an exercise in excess – indeed most of my friends who are in relationships can’t stand the whole deal either.

However since – under my shell I’m as Captain Reynard in Casablanca “a rank sentimentalist” here’s a quick list of my favorite romantic/romance whatever films.

1. Casablanca – Hollywood’s finest moment – Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman (who was at the utter peak of her jaw dropping luminescent beauty) are the ex-lovers who meet again in Casablanca as World War 2 rages – not a cast member puts a foot wrong, there is not even a wasted word here – and yes I get teary eyed at the end. Shoot me.

2. When Harry Met Sally – Smart, funny and sweet – yes I do have those days – the faking orgasm scene is a classic – Harry is a jerk but he does come around in the in end – there is a happy ending because it’s a movie.

3. As Good as it Gets – Jack Nicholson plays Jack Nicholson as an obsessive compulsive writer of romance novels – Helen Hunt is the woman he gradually falls for (with much hacking and slashing) there is also a gay artist who figures in the story (and his dog) – there is much ranting by Jack – part of the films greatness is that this is not a perfect match – and you know this isn’t gonna work out long term.

4. Cyrano de Bergerac/Roxanne – Guy with a really big nose falls in love with a impossibility beautiful woman – who in turn has fallen for someone else (who has normal nose size among other advantages) Guy with big nose ends up wooing woman on behalf of the other guy – getting the chance to say what he feels at last but only as a proxy. It ends badly in the original (the 1950’s version with Jose Ferrer is the most famous of the straight adaptations of the Rostand play ) – better in the very funny version Steve Martin did in the 1980’s. (Which do I like better? Depends of the day)

5/ The Tall guy Jeff Goldblum is the bumbling hapless American actor in London (his ineffectual character is a bit too much like I see myself for comfort sometimes) – and the lovely Emma Thompson plays the love interest – Roland Atkinson plays Jeff’s fiend from hell boss. In addition to perhaps the funniest sex scene in the history of cinema – you do wonder how they both get on top of the piano – there is a whacked out parody of Andrew Loyd Weber – a musical based on the Elephant man.

6. Much Ado About Nothing – should be watched with a nice bottle of dry white wine – the beautiful Italian countryside is the perfect setting for Shakespeare’s comedy with Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson again – a few weird casting bits – Keanu Reaves should not be let within a 100 miles of Shakespeare dialogue – you can hear his fight to suppress the word “whoa” every time he opens his mouth – but all in all a great film.

7. The Abominable Doctor Phibes – Famous organist’s wife dies on an operating table – Organist almost perishes in fiery car crash leaving him a horrific scared wreck – he then kills the operating room team one by one based on the biblical plagues of Egypt – not a standard romance yes but he is doing it because of the death of his wife, and that he’s batshit crazy. Wonderful black humor from many of the folks who did the TV show The Avengers – and perhaps Vincent Price’s finest hammy moment on film

Well I think it’s romantic – in a warped and twisted way.

Peace love, lovers

Hard Cold, Sell outs and a Godzilla Goodbye

Cold this morning – an Alberta clipper, a steel hard cold with a biting wind that sucks the warmth out of you in about 10 seconds. Well it is February yes? It’s winter. This is the way it is supposed to be yes?

We finished most of the mixing and most of the recording over the weekend – now the only thing that remains is trying to get one decent vocal take of Stacy before we die (or it kills us – the betting line is about 50-50 each way) and then master the whole puppy. Then we have to do the art work, get it duplicated, and find someplace to have a cd launch party and hotcha! We have a cd.

The album sounds very very good – like scary good.

There is a Cartoonist called Tom Tomorrow who does a weekly comic strip called “This Modern World” it’s unabashedly left wing so before warned – anyway in this week’s strip he boils down the right wing of the gop’s perfect candidate – a Neanderthal named Ogg – Ogg’s campaign slogan, as you might expect is rather simple; “Vote for Ogg. Ogg smash enemies with big rocks. John McCain to old to lift rocks!”

Well I found it funny.

Meantime the Senate and the House is selling us down the river – it looks like the Tele-communication companies will be getting their retroactive immunity from the illegal spying they did – apparently even before 9-11 (but now we’ll never know). I hope Harry Reid is proud of himself. And maybe Nancy P might be able to figure out why congress’s rating is lower than the president’s (namely you do everything he wants – nobody likes a bullying jackass but people really can’t stand the bullying jackass’s enablers. I swear to god it’s like the end of Animal farm and you can’t tell who the humans are and who are the pigs (with the twist that the humans are trying to act like the pigs)

That I don’t find so funny.

Well enough of that – I’ll be turning Jacobin in a minute and let’s not have that happen again.

Saw over the weekend for the first time the uncut Japanese version of The Terror of Mechagodzilla – which I don’t think is the actual title in Japanese but I don’t know Japanese well enough to know for sure. Still in English it’s a bit ambiguous – is it about the terror that Mechagodzilla causes or is it the terror that Mechgodzilla feels?

Anyway this was the last film in the first Godzilla series and the Godzilla film for Ishiro Honda, the director of many of the films including the first one and Akihiko Hirata who played the eye patched Dr. Serizawa who’s oxygen destroyer killed the first Godzilla at the end of the 1955 film (the Godzilla that showed up in the sequel Godzilla raids again was explained as a second Godzilla) and it was the last film where Godzilla is an out and out good guy – later films would cast him as heavy or at best neutral about humanity.

There is a sadness to endings of things - to jump to the sublime from rubber monsters – there is a melancholy that flows all through the second side of Abby Road – this was it, they all knew it and they all felt it and it shows in the performances. Here the story concerns a doomed love between the daughter of a mad scientist recruited by the aliens to help repair Mecha-godzilla (destroyed in the earlier film) and the biologist Akira who is investigating the destruction of a research sub by a huge dinosaur.

There are lot of things silly and wrong with the film – like alas Akikiko’s absolutely over the top reading as the mad scientist and the females lead’s tendency to milk her falls for all they were worth – I mean were talking silent film hammy here.

In a weird plot twist the daughter is revealed to be a cyborg – a gift from the aliens when she managed to get herself electrocuted some years back in one of the mad scientist’s experiments. (A genius but not so good with wiring I guess). The sequence is a bit odd – made even odder when later you see the clockworks installed in her as they repair her after a fall off a cliff (in the process they install some kind of control mechanism for Mechagodzilla in her making her a kind human cyborg control I guess).

Anyway it all ends quite badly for most concerned – The Dinosaur gets stomped (as does much of Tokyo yet again) The aliens are killed off (again) the mad scientist after all his aid to the aliens ends up dying as the leader of the aliens uses him as a shield against a hail of bullets (nobody likes a rat I guess) and the daughter realizing that the only way to turn off the Mecha Godzilla control mechanism she has inside of her is by having her die, promptly shoots herself – at which point Godzilla destroys Mecha Godzilla again.

The last scene shows Godzilla (who has been rather distant as a character in this film) as he wades back out to sea watched by the male lead as he holds the daughter’s body in his arms – it’s a real downer moment.

This film was the least successful of the original Godzilla films – and Toho decided to suspend the series as a result – reflecting the dire conditions of the Japanese film industry in the late 1970’s.

Peace love Cyborgs

Sweet Mother of Mercy

Things haven’t been too good on the old personal front – but we go back into the studio on Saturday and I feel good about that. I’ve missed the band – the people in the band – and doing the music. And being able to say hideously absurd things.

Speaking of absurd – cruising about the nets allowed me to discover this piece of advice from one of church experts. I’m gob smacked just utterly gob smacked. Well here it is (with my comments interjected from time to time as such)

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION (yes Masturbation)
Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty (it’s not difficult, really it’s about the easiest thing I do). Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.
This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice (practice? Practice! I’m a fucking expert!), and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. (He said reduced He-he)
But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you (we’ll see about that). It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies (what as in teh gay? Blondes? What the hell are you talking about)which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.
After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:
A Guide to Self-Control:
1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes (during abnormal toilet process knock yourself out)
2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company. (if I could find good company – nudge nudge – I wouldn’t have this ‘problem’)
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness (Ted, I jack off. Don’t talk to me!). Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will (and god forbid even worse things could happen – you could both end up not masturbating but instead – well never mind – that’s a whole nother sin problem.) . You must get away from people of that kind (women, men, etc). Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind . The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists (it’s all in your little head heh-heh). Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. (Why am I recalling the scene in Portnory’s complaint where he talks about using a cored apple to jack off with?)
4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror (I never do but I’m fat – and what the hell?). Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes (should I have an alarm on?) -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present (great show your boner to your parents -real good deal).
5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts (May I suggest tying a steel pot lid over your groin), and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes (chains people we’re talking chains). By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you. (Or you’ve pissed all over yourself)
6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK (just not anything suggestive and in the name of god no oysters), even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight (he died of a heart attack this morning – he was 24, weighted 480 pounds but at least he was pure!.) The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. (Like killing the man who wrote this) You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak. (actually there is a reason dinner usually proceeds sex in the standard sequence – as you digest hormones and other chemicals get released into the blood stream and your arousal threshold lowers so this advice is a crock)
7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. (That way you won’t find out it’s not a problem) Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act."
The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act. – (has this guy totally forgotten what the hell it is like to be 16? You’re god damn drunk on hormones – seeing a girl running her hand through her hair on TV is enough to get things going – a bra ad in the newspaper. Lord knows what the Victoria Secret ads would have done to me. Sweet mother this is a crazy person yes?)
8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities. (Still keep away from the Song of Songs, the bit with David and Bathsheba, the dance of the seven veils, and probably any of the mentions of Mary Magdalene)
9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! (That goes for your other problems too – never mention those – REPRESS EVERYTHING AND YOU’LL BE HAPPY – actually not you but the psychotherapist who treats you will be happy to by nice things with all the money you pay him because you can’t function in society) The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome (maybe not so much with a real problem like cancer or heart disease). It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior (I’m human and humans like sex and masturbation feels good? Really is this has to be the root of this nonsense yes), and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.
As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions (oh god these poor kids – and just how creepy is it that you’re going to be grilled by Adult on how often you jack off? I have to go soak my brain in bleach now). Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated. (I’m back – god this is just creepy as hell – I’ll need a shower when I’m done – good long hot one – more than 6 minutes I’ll tell you – really hot water, lots of soap)
Suggestions:
1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest. (Like when you actually having sex – it gets them every time)
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing. (Again there is that release of endomorphs that come after vigorous exercise that tend to push the mind towards well – again it’s a crock)
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge. (This will get you arrested if you are in a public bath room when this happens so be warned.
4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation. (Being human you are always going to be open to temptation until maybe your late 80’s so get ready for a long haul kid)
5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations. (That’s it repress – spent a lot of time in gun shops as well we find that helps)
6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents. (But not so much that people find you interesting and desirable cause well there comes temptation again)
7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. (not the 120 days of Sodom by the Marqi De Sade)
8. Be aware of situations that depress you (work, school, life) or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged (work, school life). These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape (instead repress – or drink like a fish). Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc. (or visiting a gun shop)
9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months. (Then jack off like a monkey in a cage for three days straight as a reward)
10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities. (Tell your leader about this I’m sure he’s intensity interested in all the details – why the hell would he do it otherwise – these mothers are just sick fucks kids)
11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act. (Actually I think several GOP congressmen have been caught doing this – “oh yes mistress make me eat the worms!”)
12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy (everybody likes to hear you pee or take a dump share it). Take cool brief showers.
13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity. (Like untying yourself from the chains and the pot lid)
14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring. (So much for warm milk or the eight glasses of water a day)
15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night. (Horny and bland foods – can I just kill myself now?)
16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding. (Just get in the damn straight jacket and have done with it)
17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement. (Horny, Bland food, books dry as dust and ugly dull people - just shoot me right now)
18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases (on occasion you should whack you man hood with it saying down Mr. happy bad dog – it won’t help but it’ll give you something to tell the hooker in later life when she asks if there is anything special you want)..
19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep. (or in case of fire – burned to death but at least he wasn’t thinking about jacking off in his last moments – seriously did they just read a Victorian era nut piece on masturbation and modernize the words?)
20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal (hoop de shit a whole quarter). Spend it on something which delights you (say Maxim Magazine) and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan Never Gives Up.(my body is Satan?) Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! (But I really don’t want to) The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment. (Until you snap and wander into the shopping center with an automatic weapon, 3 pistols and a Bowie knife)
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This I am told is real – it’s from the Mormons but I know this madness is not limited to them – St. Augustine for example believed that original sin was contained in a man’s sperm so that it was passed down to the newly conceived child. (He had issues). And I’m sure there are tracks similar lying about in Catholic and protestant churches.
I’m making fun of this only because it’s just so horrible.
Peace love Spank your monkey
Shirkra – just because.

Ash Wednesday - Lent - Comic Books and Drums

It’s Ash Wednesday – where all practicing Catholics get a spot of ashes on their forehead which while it is supposed to be applied as a cross it always looks like a chimney sweep poked them with his finger.

I was raised catholic but honestly I can’t even remember the last time I attended Ash Wednesday or even the last time I was in a Catholic church when it didn’t have something to do with a wedding, confirmation, communion or a funeral.

Anyway Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent – where you are supposed to deny yourself something you love for 40 days (the length of time Christ spent in the wilderness per the bible) until Easter comes around. I always thought the church was just being excessively mean – it’s already February a difficult enough month to being with you have to add this to the mix?

If you even wanted to go to an Irish bar but it was always too crowded – this is the time at least for the next couple of weeks as a lot of folks are going to give up drinking (or try anyway) so it’ll be less crowded for a bit.

There was a silly movie out a couple of years ago called 40 days and 40 nights were the idea was that this guy was going to give up sex for lent but because it was comedy didn’t tell anybody esp. the girl that falls for him. It was directed by the man who directed Hudson Hawk a film so appallingly bad that I have only been able to watch 5-10 minute snippets of and it took a team of reviewers to do the film for the Agony Booth (if you like bad films described in detail this is the website for you – do check them out) and I think several of them are still being treated for the damage the movie caused.

In my case it wouldn’t be giving up sex, but giving up complaining about sex (specifically that I get none) for 40 days might well do me in.

As the Dust settles from Super Tuesday – it looks like Obama and Clinton go to the end of the race – and while McCain looks in front, it’s not quite locked up as Hucakbee ran the table in the south – Meantime Mitt Romney has as of today spent about a million dollars per delegate – not as humiliating as the Fifty Million Rudy spent of his single delegate (and oh boy is that guy going to be lonely) but still pretty awful.

Hucabee’s run is making the grand poobahs of the GOP very nervous – they are and remain more than eager to pander to folks they consider to be snake handling wack jobs but god forbid they actually want a place at the table.

One the other side to be honest I think Hillary is just too much a creature of the village for my taste – and she also wastes her time with gibberish like going tu-tu about violent video games with the walking slime pit Joe Lieberman (who keeps hoping John McCain will slip him the tongue next time – some Democrat he turned out to be) – which in this day age really should be about 197th on anybody’s to do list.

Of course some 50 years ago it was comic books – gory violence, sex (gay and straight) the whole 9 yards – it just seems that there is a segment that seeks attention and power by pointing out the hidden dangers (the same each time) of a segment of popular culture. They almost managed to kill the comic book – I don’t see them doing that to the gaming industry but it has had a chilling effect on it “maybe this is too violent for anyone”

It depresses the soul it does.

But our drummer has a new drum set – which I’m eager to hear and we’re going to re-doing some vocals and mixing down the last songs on Saturday – which is kind of weird fun for me (of course I have be kept away from effects – left to my own I’ll start layering all sorts of echoes and delay and feedback into the vocals until it sounds like the cookie monster trying to sing opera at the bottom of a dry well. Which doesn’t work much for our stuff really.

Shakia - Because man does not live by Diana Rigg alone.

Peace Love New Drums!

A Parade, The Press, and Broadway Joe

So there is a parade

As I got off the train this AM it looked like every single high school student in the tri state area – along with a huge number of people who normally would be at work all dressed in blue and heading for Battery Park in New York – when they weren’t drinking heavily –

It’s like the St Patrick’s Day parade only in blue.

As noted I’m not much of a fan if at all of the giants – still I have to say well done – my complaint right now is that the press (this is the 21st century the age of uber hype) is trying to put out the meme that this win is bigger than the Jets in 1970 and that Eli is now bigger than Joe Namath.

What utter bosh. What utter piffle. But that’s the New York Sporting press for you.

Let’s just run a few things down –

Namath was a star when he got to New York – he had been a star quarterback for Alabama and had won a national title before he signed with the Jets.

Joe was the leader of the Jets – period amen – the end of the story – Manning’s the quarterback who ‘does his job’.

And let’s face it Broadway Joe had style – he outraged the blue noses by his lifestyle – and his admission that he was not saving himself for marriage. And indeed gasp – had sex before a ball game. This has always been frowned on as it somehow was said to weaken some one and makes him lose his vital edge. Boxers especially are prone to go long periods of celibacy during match training which may explain why they are so tightly wound come fight time.

But underneath the flash, the Fu Manchu and the white shoes (and lord did they cause a fuss, well things have changed a bit) was a great quarterback and a one tough guy – his bad knees limited his mobility so he got hit a lot more than other quarterbacks. What saved him (for a while) was a rifle arm and a quick release – the only other quarterback I ever saw that had a release as fast as Joe was Dan Mario. And he had the guts of a burglar to quote a saying of my dad. He knew he was good and was stubborn about it – if a play didn’t work because a receiver dropped the ball or something went wrong he was very capable of calling the same damn play because he thought it should have worked (Quarterbacks called their own plays in those days – of course the play book had maybe 11 plays in it to – 315 don you go long on two.). He didn't really need other people to shore up his ego and confidence.

He was on Nixon’s enemies list. Nobody is sure why unless he was enjoying himself too much which would strike a blow at everything Nixon believed in.

And he won the super bowl with the Jets. Yes the Jets. The LA Clippers of football New York’s other football team – who don’t even have their own stadium. A team run by one stupid and inept group after another – Even Bill Parcells couldn’t do much with them and left.

And the win was huge – in winning super bowl III Namath and the Jets legitimized the AFL as a real football league – and made the super bowl into well The Super bowl (the packers were actually more pumped by winning their 3rd straight NFL title than the super bowl – it wasn’t what it now is for damn sure – hell they didn’t even sell out the first one.

The Giants did pull of a massive upset but it’s not an earthshaking event – it’s like when the Broncos beat the Packers – an upset but not much more. A good wonderful story (all praise to the defense) but it doesn’t make Eli into a quarterback on the level of Ellway or Namath despite the best efforts of the NY Press to blow him up like a blow up doll.

Of course by the middle of next year as the Giants struggle they will be howling for Eli’s blood forgetting all the praise heaped upon him today.

Well that’s all things to do today.

Later

Peace ,Love, Joe Willie

The Day after the Superbowl - snow and hip hop

Not being much – if any – kind of giants fan – I wasn’t as berserk as many people were last night – and I have to say – giving the MVP to Manning was a crock – they should have given it to the Giant’s defense that held the pats to 14 points.

There was a light snow falling this am as I was walking to the subway. It was pretty really like walking to work inside a snow globe. We haven’t had a real snowstorm this year (which of course now insures that it will be a blizzard a week until late march) and a pretty snowfall is one of the good things about winter.

I noticed on the subways this A.M. 1) it wasn’t a crowded as usual and 2) there were a lot more women than men going to work this morning – it could have just been the train I was on but somehow I don’t think so.

The Enemy below was – as we were on the roof of his building listening to the screams of the happy giant fans – worried about the parade they were going to have and how it was going to muck up his commute – he’s not a giant fan either. I told him that the last time they won they had the celebration in Giant’s Stadium but thinking about this morning I’m not so sure they will do that again. I figure that Bloomberg is such an ego maniac that he’ll insist that the Giants come to city hall (never mind they live work and do most of their business in Jersey – they have an office in the city and there is an NY on the side of their helmets but that’s about all the contact with New York they really have – this is an old sticking point with me so I’ll let it go.) So the Enemy Below may have something to worry about after all.

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday and it looks like the race for the nomination will be at least on the Republican side all tied up by Tuesday night as McCain looks to get the nod over Plastic Man, sorry Mitt Romney. The hard right of the gop – including the folks who jabber like magpies on Fox news and some websites are having a lot of problems with this development as John McCain is the most center of the candidates (which of course is a relative thing as such things go – he’s against abortion rights, committed to staying in Iraq and tax cuts – but doesn’t think water boarding people is the bee’s knees.

As a side note I remember seeing a clip form the Long Island disgrace sorry congressman Peter King where is was going on and on about how Rudy was the man they needed who was tough enough to deal with the terrorists who were, per Mr. King – EVERYWHERE READY TO DO US HARM! It was quite a performance of barely controlled hysteria by a man who probably hasn’t seen a moment of real danger in decades and if anything reconfirmed the worlds view of American’s as hysterical cowards.

The only thing he sounded enthusiastic about was torture which he called – a few moments’ discomfort that won’t cause any real damage.

This is the numb of the right wing’s problem with McCain. As crazy as he is – he is not as crazy about torture (having seen it from the other side while staying at the Hanoi Hilton) as they are. Which takes him out the inhuman monster class they right wing seems to like so well.

Other wise he really is a straight up doctrnaire right winger but this is enough to make folks go nuts.

It’d be amusing if it wasn’t so utterly disgusting what utter inhuman bastards we have become since 9-11. Not that we were all that before then – but at least we had a standard we tired to live up to and if we didn’t it was regarded as doing wrong not showing how tough you were by wiring a prisoner’s testicles to a car battery.

Yeah real tough guy.

In other notes we’ll be back to the studio to try and wrap things up on the very first full length CD for the band – I hope to sing a bit better and Insect Girl’s voice should be back by Saturday – and it’s time – we took a bit of a break and now my fingers are getting itchy for guitar strings and I want to feel a stage under my feet – so it’s time again.

Hope to write some new material soon – I’m worried cause it seems a bit of a dry spell but what I need is to get some new input from the world – hit a museum learn something new what not – shake up the brain a bit – let things swirl about and see what pops out.

Did not get to watch Fantasy Mission Force again this weekend – time constraints and the World of Warcraft cut into that idea.

I ended up going to a Latin hip hop club Friday as part of a friend’s celebration of his last day at his job – I never quite got comfortable there – I don’t dance much - and I can’t really be comfortable in a place where you are run through a metal detector and searched for weapons – it seemed a lot of effort for a beer (of which the solution was not that good anyway).

Peace, love, snow

Raquel Welch in a fir Bikini - no reason - do I need a reason?

Much Rain, Death Rays and an Insane Film

It’s pouring outside – so much so the $3.00 umbrellas are now $4.00 (made in Bangladesh – just how is that cheaper than making it domestically is beyond me – labor sure but shipping costs have to be pretty big yes – well who knows)

As a reminder of how things really are – a friend and a co-worker are having their last days today – not by choice.

It’s moments like this I remember my folks telling me I needed a normal 9-5 job for ‘stability’ cause trying anything creative is too much of a crap shoot – which being younger and less sure of myself (not that I’m a huge bundle of confidence now) I figured yeah okay they know what’s up. And here I am in yet another job that could vanish next week (I overstate but only for effect).

Ah well – I expect I’ll understand all this – and I mean all this at some point – which I imagine will come just before my last brain cell pops from Alzheimer’s or senility – or I get hit by a bus.

Rainy days put me in that kind of mood.

Meantime I notice the pentagon has decided to cut back on research on ‘death rays’ which reminded me of one of my favorite Charles Addams Cartoons – pictured above. (Is there anything the Pentgon hasn't reserched on the off chance it could be a weapon? You wonder).

I am very fond of Chas Addams (it's how he signed his name) – he had a genuinely morbid sense of humor and even in this day and age can spawn a bit of nervous laughter. One I remember well is a street scene in New York were a crowd has gathered. There are two men walking past the scene and one of them says to the other “Anything will draw a crowd in New York”

What’s happening is that a man is being dragged down an open manhole by an octopus.

Thank you Chas

Saw Fantasy Mission Force last night – and well – Sweet Mercy – it was insane. Just screaming bat shit crazy. It was as if someone took a schizophrenic from the lock up ward at the mental hospital loaded him up on crystal Meth and LSD and told him to go shoot a film.

At least that is what I think happened – no sane person could have put a film like this together.

It starts with some generals – dressed in 19th century style uniforms talking about gibberish – there is an American General (named Abraham Lincoln) a French General an African General (who is in blackface –good god) and another general – then the Japanese attack – the Generals then point to map of Canada saying the Japanese are there (what the fuck? The Japanese in Canada? The northwest of Canada? The hell?) The French General says something different – then they are captured by the Japanese – led by a man who looks like he’s about to puke or something – maybe he saw the rushes.

I don’t have time to do this film justice to day – but the basic plot is where a commando force is raised to rescue the captured generals who are being held in Luxemburg – where apparently huge numbers of Asians are now living – or something.

Right after the leader of the group is chosen – we switch to a musical number – yes a musical number – it was at this point I began to suspect I had been drugged. It’s bizarre and makes no sense and is cut away from as if someone was changing the channels.

Like I said I don’t have time to do this film justice today – I’m going to watch it again over the weekend – this time taking notes – I was paralyzed the first time – and put together a full review.

Peace Love Death Rays