Feeling Futile
So the sun is out, it’s a pretty spring day – hell we’ve had a series of pretty spring days. I’m off to the opera tonight _ Turondot – it’ll rain tonight but after 4 days of this you can’t complain, work is okay, the band has a gig in a few weeks, the first workshop for the musical went well, Le Bug of Blue is up to level 23, I don’t have to watch any more Larry Buchanan films, and in general my health is good. So of course I wake up with a crushing sense of futility. A crushing sense that all the uses of the world are ‘weary stale flat and unprofitable’ to quote Hamlet (or a baker who’s shop isn’t doing well, I forget).
Anyway I’m just very very blah today. No more than blah – blah is kind of well blah, not to up not to down just kind of flat. I’d settle for flat. This is a dead weight on my soul and something I’d wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (still do I have a worst enemy? I mean one at all? There’s the little tit with the beard but that’s just a matter of not finding him that funny – that doesn’t make him an enemy. A pain to deal with when I’m at the open mike but not an enemy).
It’s not even things like this:
Wolfowitz – former Depart of defense architect of the strategy behind the Iraq war and occupation and current president of the World Bank, the man who forgot that he was on camera and fricking licked his comb (this man is what 60?) before combing his hair. (This may explain the damn dandruff that seems to flow from him like a snowstorm). Has been asked to resign by an agency that over sees the bank. This after some 50 bank officials said – its time for him to go.
The white house continues to ‘strongly back’ him.
Wolfowitz left the DOD was appointed president of the World Bank and as such started a highly publicized campaign against political corruption – which always struck as an echo of the Voter Fraud big noise the GOP made for the last several years. (And face it have Wolfowitz go after corruption is just handing them the chickens and walking away – what the hell did anybody expect
People with the sense god gave a rabbit do not give their girlfriends cushy jobs in government when they have high ranking government jobs, Christ that’s you corrupt lobbyist buddy does yes? Not GF. I note in the papers that Wolfowitz is trying to hang on his job.
Meantime the white house, actually Mr. W his self has declared himself pleased with Al’s shoddy performance in a very strange statement he said “The Attorney General went up and gave a very candid assessment, and answered every question he could possibly answer, honestly answer, in a way that increased my confidence in his ability to do the job.”
Now that’s the statement that has Washington scratching their heads. I mean what the fuck does that mean? (And shame eternal shame upon the reporters for not at least asking what the fuck did he mean by that) saying I don’t know and variants about eleven thousand times makes W love you? Or is it just W is grateful for Al for actually throwing himself under the bus relieving W of the need to do it?
Cheney – late of the blood clot is going around the country telling halls full of tame claps that the Democratic party are evil – he then ate a puppy washed down with goats blood.
Tom Delay has been saying something like the Democrats is close to treason. No Tom, Treason is when you actively conspire with you countries enemies – Benedict Arnold or Quisling, for example not the speaker of the house in the pursuit of congress Constitutional duties. Put a sock in it bugman. Go home read the Federalist – you’ll have time while in jail.
Them saying that the Democrats are using the war to score cheap political points is almost amusing in a darkly cynical way. I still remember one Donald Rumsfeld – back in the heady days as Baghdad fell back in the beginning of the war – speculating that a 4th of July ticker tape parade in New York for the troops that fought in Iraq be arranged. And there’s a little landing on an aircraft carrier that I remember. So shame has long since left anyone in the GOP
But again that was the same yesterday.
One thing that does have me down that I know is this. As I was riding the subway this morning I caught a glimpse of a couple on the platform – they had just gotten off the subway and after a brief chat they kissed and when on their separate ways – couples in New York do this about ohh a billion times a day – it’s nothing special.
I got a flash of jealousy (part of being in this mood I’m in is dealing with a generalized ache and desire to have a woman in my life) – Side Note: I was watching part of Beast of Blood (on of the blood island movies) where a girl asks the male lead “how long has it been since you were with a woman?” proving that a man wrote the screen play – I can’t imagine a real woman talking or writing that kind of dialogue. End side note.
Anyway just as the flash of jealousy came over me – not much, just a taste – there was, just as quick a chagrined realization that right now at this point in my life, I am not prepared or even interested in taking the kind of actions you need to take or making the kind of compromises you have to make in a relationship to have one.
There have been more comfortable moments in my life I can tell you. You never like realizing the main casue of your problems is looking at you when you shave in the morning. Sucks to tell the truth.
Anyway I’m just very very blah today. No more than blah – blah is kind of well blah, not to up not to down just kind of flat. I’d settle for flat. This is a dead weight on my soul and something I’d wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (still do I have a worst enemy? I mean one at all? There’s the little tit with the beard but that’s just a matter of not finding him that funny – that doesn’t make him an enemy. A pain to deal with when I’m at the open mike but not an enemy).
It’s not even things like this:
Wolfowitz – former Depart of defense architect of the strategy behind the Iraq war and occupation and current president of the World Bank, the man who forgot that he was on camera and fricking licked his comb (this man is what 60?) before combing his hair. (This may explain the damn dandruff that seems to flow from him like a snowstorm). Has been asked to resign by an agency that over sees the bank. This after some 50 bank officials said – its time for him to go.
The white house continues to ‘strongly back’ him.
Wolfowitz left the DOD was appointed president of the World Bank and as such started a highly publicized campaign against political corruption – which always struck as an echo of the Voter Fraud big noise the GOP made for the last several years. (And face it have Wolfowitz go after corruption is just handing them the chickens and walking away – what the hell did anybody expect
People with the sense god gave a rabbit do not give their girlfriends cushy jobs in government when they have high ranking government jobs, Christ that’s you corrupt lobbyist buddy does yes? Not GF. I note in the papers that Wolfowitz is trying to hang on his job.
Meantime the white house, actually Mr. W his self has declared himself pleased with Al’s shoddy performance in a very strange statement he said “The Attorney General went up and gave a very candid assessment, and answered every question he could possibly answer, honestly answer, in a way that increased my confidence in his ability to do the job.”
Now that’s the statement that has Washington scratching their heads. I mean what the fuck does that mean? (And shame eternal shame upon the reporters for not at least asking what the fuck did he mean by that) saying I don’t know and variants about eleven thousand times makes W love you? Or is it just W is grateful for Al for actually throwing himself under the bus relieving W of the need to do it?
Cheney – late of the blood clot is going around the country telling halls full of tame claps that the Democratic party are evil – he then ate a puppy washed down with goats blood.
Tom Delay has been saying something like the Democrats is close to treason. No Tom, Treason is when you actively conspire with you countries enemies – Benedict Arnold or Quisling, for example not the speaker of the house in the pursuit of congress Constitutional duties. Put a sock in it bugman. Go home read the Federalist – you’ll have time while in jail.
Them saying that the Democrats are using the war to score cheap political points is almost amusing in a darkly cynical way. I still remember one Donald Rumsfeld – back in the heady days as Baghdad fell back in the beginning of the war – speculating that a 4th of July ticker tape parade in New York for the troops that fought in Iraq be arranged. And there’s a little landing on an aircraft carrier that I remember. So shame has long since left anyone in the GOP
But again that was the same yesterday.
One thing that does have me down that I know is this. As I was riding the subway this morning I caught a glimpse of a couple on the platform – they had just gotten off the subway and after a brief chat they kissed and when on their separate ways – couples in New York do this about ohh a billion times a day – it’s nothing special.
I got a flash of jealousy (part of being in this mood I’m in is dealing with a generalized ache and desire to have a woman in my life) – Side Note: I was watching part of Beast of Blood (on of the blood island movies) where a girl asks the male lead “how long has it been since you were with a woman?” proving that a man wrote the screen play – I can’t imagine a real woman talking or writing that kind of dialogue. End side note.
Anyway just as the flash of jealousy came over me – not much, just a taste – there was, just as quick a chagrined realization that right now at this point in my life, I am not prepared or even interested in taking the kind of actions you need to take or making the kind of compromises you have to make in a relationship to have one.
There have been more comfortable moments in my life I can tell you. You never like realizing the main casue of your problems is looking at you when you shave in the morning. Sucks to tell the truth.
Cazart! That’s more that enough bad mojo for a day. I have stuff to look up and the Turondot tonight – hopefully the female lead won’t be three times the size of the lead tenor. Undercuts the story somewhat.
That's the tarot 10 of swords - a bad card to get.
Peace, Love, Uncomfortable Insights
posted by Unknown at 9:43 AM
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