STUFF AND MANOS (Pt. 1)
French Insult for the day: Espece de chochon (species of pig) – means you are a pig, I like the specificy of ‘species’ here.
Gaping hole found in the universe - Astronomers have a found a part of the universe a billion light years across with nothing in it, no stars, Galaxies dust, dark mater nothing, nada, zippo, zilch.
No they are not sure why it’s there.
Current theory says that the lumpiness of the universe (lots of clumps of stuff, like stars planets, quasars and the like) is due to quantum fluxuations in the universe during the inflationary period (sounds of heads hitting desks) but this big a hole is very very unexpected.
Speaking of gaping holes in the universe.
Manos -
The film opens with a shot of cars driving – a flute solo is going on the back - gradually we focus in on one car, a blue convertible. Inside the car are Mike (Played by Hal Warren, the writer, Director and producer of the film), Mike’s wife, their daughter Debbie and their poodle dog. The car comes to a halt. Debbie says she is cold and Mike’s wife invites her and the poodle into the front seat. There is brief discussion where Mike’s Wife says they should have asked for directions the last gas station. Mike, being a jerk, for the first but alas no the last time in the film gets defensive and says “I never got us lost before.”
Lord. Raise your hands how many times you have heard those words from someone just before you find yourself on the road to Terra de Fuego when you meant to go to Jones beach?
In order to pass the time Mike’s wife suggests that they sing – they start up Row row row your boat in what seems to be a round by you’re not sure – then they are off and we see the titles.
“MANOS” THE HANDS OF FATE
Manos is Spanish for hands, so the title of the film is actually ‘Hands’ The hands of Fate. It could have been worse, but I’m not just sure how. Maybe FEET, THE HANDS OF FATE but let us, let it go. There is so much worse ahead. (Side note: by the end of shooting the crew – who by then loathed Hal Warren – started calling the film – Mangos, Cans of fruit. End side note).
Anyway – we have learned that they are looking for the Valley Lodge and have been looking for a while. Other than that we don’t know much, except that this movie is going to suck. Remember the opening of say, Raiders of the Lost Ark where you were transported into a world of daring do in just seconds or the Opening of Casablanca where you learned everything you needed to know in about 10 seconds (including that the stakes were life and death) or any great film where you knew from the moment the film started you were in the hands of very talented folks working at the peak of their game in their chosen art form. Here you know you have been kidnapped by a hairy madman who has tied you up in his cave in the mountains and is showing you a shadow play projected on a white bed sheet doing the voices by grunting and squeaking and gibbering. You know you are in for a long evening.
So they drive along with the camera jumping from one shot to another looking out the window until they are pulled over by a cop. The cop and Mike talk a bit (in what sounds like the same voice) and the cop lets Mike go without giving him a ticket for the stop light like he was going to.
I don’t know why this scene was put in. The tail light does not feature in the film. The cop, Sheriff’s deputy actually in a cowboy hat, does show up later but he doesn’t do much in the film so it’s not like we need to be introduced to him now. It smacks of filler or just since Hal wrote the screen play and it was in the screen play, in the movie it goes. The scene also features a police siren that starts up when the car has stopped.
So they drive some more –we have flute music and scenery, the cut goes to more scenery, more flute music, and more scenery, then we jump to an empty road. After a moment, we see Hal’s car pass by – it makes a left onto a small road – there is a sign that says Valley Lodge on it. You see that whoever painted the sign wasn’t careful – the word Valley is big and the word lodge has the letters all jammed together to make it fit. I’d have redone the sign but when you have a budget of $19,000 you go with the sign you get first try.
A few things about the way it was filmed. Hal, making the film with a budget of about $96,000 (where did he get the money? you always wonder that.) got a color film camera. It was hand cranked and the longest shot it could do was 35 seconds. Hence the jump to other shots all the time. And the odd static shots where nothing happens. (Can’t waste film).
Also there was no sound recording during shooting– all the voices were dubbed later by Hal, His wife and a couple of other people. (Which is why the little girl’s voice sounds so awful – not that the other voices are much to write home about).
The music changes from the flute to somebody pounding on a piano and someone doing a kind a oh – big voiced female warbling. It doesn’t have much to do with what’s going on in the film, but neither did the flute music so it’s not much of a change.
More driving – shots out the window – shots of mikes hands on the wheel as they drive. There is pointless bickering where mike and mike’s wife start arguing and Mike again makes like the defensive jerk “We saw the sign, it said it was this way.”
And they come to the end of the road – no lodge and Mike finally agrees to turn back.
Aside from the bad filming and what not this section reminded me too much of riding in the car with my dad “we’re not lost”.
More to come. The horror has not even begun yet.
Peace Love, Valley Lodges
Gaping hole found in the universe - Astronomers have a found a part of the universe a billion light years across with nothing in it, no stars, Galaxies dust, dark mater nothing, nada, zippo, zilch.
No they are not sure why it’s there.
Current theory says that the lumpiness of the universe (lots of clumps of stuff, like stars planets, quasars and the like) is due to quantum fluxuations in the universe during the inflationary period (sounds of heads hitting desks) but this big a hole is very very unexpected.
Speaking of gaping holes in the universe.
Manos -
The film opens with a shot of cars driving – a flute solo is going on the back - gradually we focus in on one car, a blue convertible. Inside the car are Mike (Played by Hal Warren, the writer, Director and producer of the film), Mike’s wife, their daughter Debbie and their poodle dog. The car comes to a halt. Debbie says she is cold and Mike’s wife invites her and the poodle into the front seat. There is brief discussion where Mike’s Wife says they should have asked for directions the last gas station. Mike, being a jerk, for the first but alas no the last time in the film gets defensive and says “I never got us lost before.”
Lord. Raise your hands how many times you have heard those words from someone just before you find yourself on the road to Terra de Fuego when you meant to go to Jones beach?
In order to pass the time Mike’s wife suggests that they sing – they start up Row row row your boat in what seems to be a round by you’re not sure – then they are off and we see the titles.
“MANOS” THE HANDS OF FATE
Manos is Spanish for hands, so the title of the film is actually ‘Hands’ The hands of Fate. It could have been worse, but I’m not just sure how. Maybe FEET, THE HANDS OF FATE but let us, let it go. There is so much worse ahead. (Side note: by the end of shooting the crew – who by then loathed Hal Warren – started calling the film – Mangos, Cans of fruit. End side note).
Anyway – we have learned that they are looking for the Valley Lodge and have been looking for a while. Other than that we don’t know much, except that this movie is going to suck. Remember the opening of say, Raiders of the Lost Ark where you were transported into a world of daring do in just seconds or the Opening of Casablanca where you learned everything you needed to know in about 10 seconds (including that the stakes were life and death) or any great film where you knew from the moment the film started you were in the hands of very talented folks working at the peak of their game in their chosen art form. Here you know you have been kidnapped by a hairy madman who has tied you up in his cave in the mountains and is showing you a shadow play projected on a white bed sheet doing the voices by grunting and squeaking and gibbering. You know you are in for a long evening.
So they drive along with the camera jumping from one shot to another looking out the window until they are pulled over by a cop. The cop and Mike talk a bit (in what sounds like the same voice) and the cop lets Mike go without giving him a ticket for the stop light like he was going to.
I don’t know why this scene was put in. The tail light does not feature in the film. The cop, Sheriff’s deputy actually in a cowboy hat, does show up later but he doesn’t do much in the film so it’s not like we need to be introduced to him now. It smacks of filler or just since Hal wrote the screen play and it was in the screen play, in the movie it goes. The scene also features a police siren that starts up when the car has stopped.
So they drive some more –we have flute music and scenery, the cut goes to more scenery, more flute music, and more scenery, then we jump to an empty road. After a moment, we see Hal’s car pass by – it makes a left onto a small road – there is a sign that says Valley Lodge on it. You see that whoever painted the sign wasn’t careful – the word Valley is big and the word lodge has the letters all jammed together to make it fit. I’d have redone the sign but when you have a budget of $19,000 you go with the sign you get first try.
A few things about the way it was filmed. Hal, making the film with a budget of about $96,000 (where did he get the money? you always wonder that.) got a color film camera. It was hand cranked and the longest shot it could do was 35 seconds. Hence the jump to other shots all the time. And the odd static shots where nothing happens. (Can’t waste film).
Also there was no sound recording during shooting– all the voices were dubbed later by Hal, His wife and a couple of other people. (Which is why the little girl’s voice sounds so awful – not that the other voices are much to write home about).
The music changes from the flute to somebody pounding on a piano and someone doing a kind a oh – big voiced female warbling. It doesn’t have much to do with what’s going on in the film, but neither did the flute music so it’s not much of a change.
More driving – shots out the window – shots of mikes hands on the wheel as they drive. There is pointless bickering where mike and mike’s wife start arguing and Mike again makes like the defensive jerk “We saw the sign, it said it was this way.”
And they come to the end of the road – no lodge and Mike finally agrees to turn back.
Aside from the bad filming and what not this section reminded me too much of riding in the car with my dad “we’re not lost”.
More to come. The horror has not even begun yet.
Peace Love, Valley Lodges
Labels: bad movies -
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