Naked Vanity
Well this weekend looks to be quiet so I will be able to get that It Conquered the world vs. Zontar thing written – still being forced to say that Roger Corman is a better director than anybody is going to cause me massive internal damage.
Watched – on fast forward most of the time since nothing was happening a dumb ass film called Tanya’s island – which featured former Prince Girl Vanity being naked or not wearing a lot, some kind of tropical island, a grumpy artist and a man in an ape suit – granted better done than most (Rick Baker did the suit) but still a man in an ape suit.
The story – such as it was – again I fast forwarded it a lot – is some sort of fantasy were Vanity is a movie star having problems with grumpy the artist. She loves him (again you can always tell when men write scripts beautiful successful women fall for self absorbed jerks and stay fallen) grumpy the artist doesn’t want to be tied down or something. (For the record I would have cheerfully been tied down by Vanity, more than once even.)
So somehow – not explained they end up on tropical island and Vanity is naked – the grumpy guy is painting (apes are in the picture – foreshadowing it’s a good movie really) and Vanity goes off riding on a horse – not too well by the way – the horse was a bit restless, maybe it was upset it was in this film.
So what happens is Vanity finds the ape – the ape – with blue eyes seems to have a kind of king Kong ish crush on her – she faints upon first meeting him and he lays her down in a safe place and the covers her with red flowers. It’s a bit weird. She then goes back to the ape and talks to it and since it has blue eyes calls it blue. Vanity has quit acting and is now very active in a church organization. I think it was a good career move. She can’t act a lick. She has that weird knack that Bo Derck had of when she talking of sucking the sexiness right out of a scene, so instead of sexy you have a dull scene with a naked woman in it. It’s quite something to see really.
So as vanity and the ape pursue their budding relationship – the grumpy artist guy gets Jealous and then puts the ape in a cage – vanity frees the ape (Free the ape sounds, in this context like a bad pick vaguely obscene up line some one would use “you can free my ape anytime baby” In a kind of fake hipster dive bar of some sort – for the record I have never suggested to a woman that she free my ape.)
Side note – I knew someone who claimed, I mean really, that his best line was “baby I’m hung like a bat”. When I first heard this it made no sense to me I mean bats, unlike horses and the like are not known for being hung. Flying yes. Hung no. I mentioned this to a mutual friend.
“No you idiot” I was told “he meant like a baseball bat”
Ohhhhhhhhh. End side note.
As the movie progresses there is toing and frowing and backing and forthing and vanity is kidnapped and then released and the grumpy Artist guy gets more animalist and I’m assuming the ape gets more human - hard to tell – it’s hard to see the movie from under the crushing weight of its pretension. I assume it was sold as a serious film about sexuality and innocence and the nature of men and women.
“And?”
“And what?”
“And I should make this movie because?”
“We’ll have Vanity naked a lot in it”
“Okay sold – roll with it.”
“And there’s going to be a man in an ape suit that symbolizes…”
“Listen you got Vanity naked, I don’t care if she’s directing traffic okay?”
But it’s dumb and silly and angry in a kind of European (it was made in Canada) way that makes little sense to me. The end is after grumpy artist and the ape fight yet again (after Grumpy Artist rapes Vanity – god do I hate rape scenes) Vanity they says something like a plague on both your houses and is then promptly raped (it’s a hard damn day) by the man in the gorilla suit presaging the whole furry thing by years and years.
Then she wakes up and it ‘was all a dream’ Argggggggggggggggg. Only the 11th million times that cliché has been used. No?
I’ve read that Vanity found god after finding drugs – I’d be take a lot of drugs if I’d have been in that movie. Anything to blot out the pain.
More Random Neural Firings:
I see the FDA, fresh from allowing companies to poison pets and allowing unsafe conditions at a peanut butter producer continue for years without god damn telling anyone like say the public, is now going to finish the job by changing the official definition of chocolate – which current to be chocolate needs cocoa and cocoa butter – cocoa butter is expensive or actually more expensive than regular vegetable oil, so chocolate makers and their industry groups are pushing to drop cocoa butter so they can sell a chocolate ish bar as chocolate – (and bearing the same relationship to chocolate as brie has to Kraft Pasteurized Processed American Cheese food).
I think they may have made a mistake – people are very attached to chocolate in a way that can get very intense. This is going to bite them in a painful spot.
Saw a bit of the debates – one – the former Senator from Alaska is batshit crazy, and if the governor of new Mexico said one more time “As the Governor of New Mexico I often Yada yada yada” Is he like that at home.
“:As the Governor of New Mexico, I would like the sugar passed to me”
“As Governor of New Mexico, I would like three cookies”
“As Governor of New Mexico I would like to set the ape free, get buck naked and do the humpty hump dance.”
I’ll stop now that last image made me want to claw my eyes out with a plastic fork.
Peace, Love, set the ape free
Watched – on fast forward most of the time since nothing was happening a dumb ass film called Tanya’s island – which featured former Prince Girl Vanity being naked or not wearing a lot, some kind of tropical island, a grumpy artist and a man in an ape suit – granted better done than most (Rick Baker did the suit) but still a man in an ape suit.
The story – such as it was – again I fast forwarded it a lot – is some sort of fantasy were Vanity is a movie star having problems with grumpy the artist. She loves him (again you can always tell when men write scripts beautiful successful women fall for self absorbed jerks and stay fallen) grumpy the artist doesn’t want to be tied down or something. (For the record I would have cheerfully been tied down by Vanity, more than once even.)
So somehow – not explained they end up on tropical island and Vanity is naked – the grumpy guy is painting (apes are in the picture – foreshadowing it’s a good movie really) and Vanity goes off riding on a horse – not too well by the way – the horse was a bit restless, maybe it was upset it was in this film.
So what happens is Vanity finds the ape – the ape – with blue eyes seems to have a kind of king Kong ish crush on her – she faints upon first meeting him and he lays her down in a safe place and the covers her with red flowers. It’s a bit weird. She then goes back to the ape and talks to it and since it has blue eyes calls it blue. Vanity has quit acting and is now very active in a church organization. I think it was a good career move. She can’t act a lick. She has that weird knack that Bo Derck had of when she talking of sucking the sexiness right out of a scene, so instead of sexy you have a dull scene with a naked woman in it. It’s quite something to see really.
So as vanity and the ape pursue their budding relationship – the grumpy artist guy gets Jealous and then puts the ape in a cage – vanity frees the ape (Free the ape sounds, in this context like a bad pick vaguely obscene up line some one would use “you can free my ape anytime baby” In a kind of fake hipster dive bar of some sort – for the record I have never suggested to a woman that she free my ape.)
Side note – I knew someone who claimed, I mean really, that his best line was “baby I’m hung like a bat”. When I first heard this it made no sense to me I mean bats, unlike horses and the like are not known for being hung. Flying yes. Hung no. I mentioned this to a mutual friend.
“No you idiot” I was told “he meant like a baseball bat”
Ohhhhhhhhh. End side note.
As the movie progresses there is toing and frowing and backing and forthing and vanity is kidnapped and then released and the grumpy Artist guy gets more animalist and I’m assuming the ape gets more human - hard to tell – it’s hard to see the movie from under the crushing weight of its pretension. I assume it was sold as a serious film about sexuality and innocence and the nature of men and women.
“And?”
“And what?”
“And I should make this movie because?”
“We’ll have Vanity naked a lot in it”
“Okay sold – roll with it.”
“And there’s going to be a man in an ape suit that symbolizes…”
“Listen you got Vanity naked, I don’t care if she’s directing traffic okay?”
But it’s dumb and silly and angry in a kind of European (it was made in Canada) way that makes little sense to me. The end is after grumpy artist and the ape fight yet again (after Grumpy Artist rapes Vanity – god do I hate rape scenes) Vanity they says something like a plague on both your houses and is then promptly raped (it’s a hard damn day) by the man in the gorilla suit presaging the whole furry thing by years and years.
Then she wakes up and it ‘was all a dream’ Argggggggggggggggg. Only the 11th million times that cliché has been used. No?
I’ve read that Vanity found god after finding drugs – I’d be take a lot of drugs if I’d have been in that movie. Anything to blot out the pain.
More Random Neural Firings:
I see the FDA, fresh from allowing companies to poison pets and allowing unsafe conditions at a peanut butter producer continue for years without god damn telling anyone like say the public, is now going to finish the job by changing the official definition of chocolate – which current to be chocolate needs cocoa and cocoa butter – cocoa butter is expensive or actually more expensive than regular vegetable oil, so chocolate makers and their industry groups are pushing to drop cocoa butter so they can sell a chocolate ish bar as chocolate – (and bearing the same relationship to chocolate as brie has to Kraft Pasteurized Processed American Cheese food).
I think they may have made a mistake – people are very attached to chocolate in a way that can get very intense. This is going to bite them in a painful spot.
Saw a bit of the debates – one – the former Senator from Alaska is batshit crazy, and if the governor of new Mexico said one more time “As the Governor of New Mexico I often Yada yada yada” Is he like that at home.
“:As the Governor of New Mexico, I would like the sugar passed to me”
“As Governor of New Mexico, I would like three cookies”
“As Governor of New Mexico I would like to set the ape free, get buck naked and do the humpty hump dance.”
I’ll stop now that last image made me want to claw my eyes out with a plastic fork.
Peace, Love, set the ape free
posted by Unknown at 10:28 AM
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