The Junction Gig and the Astro Zomibes

Got the word, we are playing at the The Junction, Oct 20, 9 pm
Here’s the info on the club –
The Junction
705 Franklin St.
Clearwater Florida, 33756
(727) 799-1100

Web site: thejunctionclearwater.com

A very cool place – their poetry slam slam ad uses a picture of Betty Page and they offer Ninja classes. I’m not as worried about fitting; a place with Ninja lessons is right up our alley.

Gig at Otto’s approaching apace – new and silly flier (as above) the main picture it taken from a god-awful (by reputation I have yet to see it but I trust those who say it’s god-awful) Mexican horror film called Brainiac. The villain is a 500 year old baron who eats brains by burrowing into the skulls with his tongue and then, one assumes, slurping down the brain through the hole like they were Italian ices, but, as I said I haven’t seen it. The stills look god-awful though. Perfect for us.

I love bad films – always have, can’t quite tell you why. I remember years ago I read the Melved brother’s first book The Fifty Worst Movies ever Made (this was long before they drank the neo-con Kool-Aid and Michael started writing witless gibberish about how Hollywood hates America. Hollywood doesn’t hate America any more than any other entertainment industry hates their customers, they do think they are idiots, but they don’t hate them.) If was the first ‘bad movie’ Book I ever read, and of course I had to see each and every film in the book. I’ve never been the same.

Bad movies give you the chance to not only see something you never saw before (after all good movies can do that too) but something you never saw before and have no idea why you are seeing it now.

As an example – I give you Astro Zombies – In this John Carridine who I hope didn’t need the money, is making human beings into Astro Zombies – which are solar powered walking dead. Really, he drains the blood and puts a helmet on their head which has a solar cell in the forehead. Why he’s doing this, other than for science, is never quite laid out, but no matter, John makes his cyborg and his cyborg goes off and kills women (I get the sense a lot of horror film makers have serious issues). Problem with the formula or some such says Dr. John.

Here’s a scene I love: After much toing and frowing, involving a Mexican lady spy (?) and other nonsense, the dwarfish leading man is in a fight with the Astro Zombie in female lead’s bedroom, in the fracas, the Zombie’s Battery storage pack – I’ll say that again in case you missed it, battery storage back (it looks like a bizarre fanny pack or purse) is knocked off by the hero, the Zombie grabs a flashlight and escapes, holding the flashlight to the solar cell on his forehead. It’s one of the most bizarre images I have ever seen on film. I was transfixed, taken to another place by the sheer awe inspiring cosmic stupidity of it. It was almost an out of body experience.

Later in the laboratory, Dr John’s assistant Igor (he’s not Igor in the film but who cares) is preparing an experiment. He has a women in a bikini strapped to a table (those issues again) and he is moving vials of foaming liquids around (“it’s not a bad life, I get to drink foamy liquids” line from 200 Motels) and smiling in most unpleasant manner to the girl who whimpers from time to time but never says a word. (Didn’t want to pay for a speaking part Ted is that the deal?) While Igor is doing this, we start to wonder, what the hell is going on here. Who is this woman, how did she end up here? Other questions like does life have any meaning at all? Are Nihilists over optimistic? Come as the scene slowly drags its way along. It’s as exciting as watching a sound man set up for a band and seems to take as long (actually having a woman strapped to a table and wheeled out while a sound man is setting up for a band would at least give you something to look at as they keep checking the bass amp out – but I digress), And then after all that, Dr. John says Igor, stop that I need you here. Igor goes off, the film ends and we never find out anything about the woman. It’s an exercise in found Dada is that it is. A movie that absolutely refuses to make sense even goes out of its way not to make sense.

That’s what bad movies are for me.

Might write about Bolero with Bo Derck some time but not right now. It has the stupidest thing I have ever seen.

Later to all.