e-Harmony can bite me

You keep seeing their ads on TV – couples oooing and awwwing about how compatible they are how at the very first glance they “knew” and then this smarmy looking guy comes on to say how you too can experience the joys of emotional compatibility at e-Harmony.

Well – a while ago I took their personality quiz (which took at least 25 minutes) then I hit the button and what I got was this:

“UNABLE TO MATCH YOU AT THIS TIME

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. “

Well damn – why don’t you mention that in your gooey ads? Huh? Now a days every time the ad comes I think “yeah bite me” and change the channel.

Not that I’ve have the best luck with any of the other million and half e-dating sites. I suppose if there was one for neurotic folks with self esteem issues I’d be in gravy but knowing those folks as well as I do, nobody would join cause well, neurotic folks with self esteem issues would think what the hell’s the point?

And while we’re on TV when on earth did this creepy guy with the John Waters mustache start showing up in every paid program time slot talking about the need to keep you colon clear? It’s creepy and sickening at the same time and the last thing I want to hear about when turn on the TV is a guy who looks like a child molester talking about the size, width and length of your bowel movements. It’s almost as bad as the e-Harmony ads.