Twenty Years Ago Today

Well not quite – it’s been a lot longer than that. I got an e-mail from a friend who regards me as some kind of human Google/ Mister Memory (She’s called before with questions like – “two years ago we when we went to that museum, what was the name of the artist that I liked?” – it was Mark Rothko by the way) asking me about the Beatles – she’s got the bug for them lately – listening all the time - and wanted to know the best books to read about them and I was kind of stuck for an answer.

I guess it’s just the age difference here – the Beatles are, per my cousin Vinnie, part of my youth – I remember the excitement when they came over here, the appearance on Ed Sullivan, the terrible Saturday morning cartoon and the marketing of everything in the world with the world Beatles on it. I remember the stunned sense of disbelief generated when they announced they were breaking up – and I remember the day Lennon was shot, I was working at the college library that night – I walked out into the night, took out a cigarette (I smoked then – more on that sometime) and looked at the stars – it was a clear and cold night. They didn’t have an answer to my questions but I couldn’t think of anyone else to ask. It felt flat – a dull sense of loss came over me. I finished the cigarette and went back inside.

I remember their humor and sense of openness to new things – so rare then and even more so these days. A lot of important people and institutions have spent most of their time since the 60’s bashing the 60’s and the peace love dope vibe it generated – hippie is still a term of abuse around inside the beltway Washington – but peace and love wasn’t a bad dream as dreams go – what have our more realistic clear eyed nowhere men given us? A world of blood and money – not anyone’s first choice.

Speaking of blood and money the fall out from the Iraq Study Group continues – I have not had time to read the document but considering the pale insider mushy middle slight right wing makeup of the group, the report is pretty damning – it says the policy in Iraq has failed, that negotiations need to start with Iran and Syria, and get the troops out.

I’m willing to be money that none of this will happen. W is currently sitting at his desk in the oval office with his hands over his ears going “la! La! LA ! I can’t hear you!” to change course for W is to admit error and he’d rather people die than admit any error. There are not enough curse words in the world – even with repeats – that can adequately express how obscene that is – he and his whole sick crew of ministers and bootlickers is not worth one kids life. He had some kind of meeting support group hug circle jerk with his biggest supporters from capital hill the other day (including Lieberman – enough said) and the ape said he was glad to see that “some people are more concerned about the security of the country than the security of their positions” which is of course utter garbage – these clowns rode the war as way to keep power – Lieberman actually flat out lied about his position on the war saying he was against it now until the votes were counted and then, like the weasel he is, went back to full tilt warmongering – he along with McCain are backing the idea of sending more troops into that hell hole. Why not –nobody they know.

There is a pervasive stink coming out of Washington – the entire culture is rotten to the core and needs a cleaning out – I Hope the new congress is a start – there are billions of dollars in Iraqi funds that are just missing and one presumes stolen.

We’re coming up on 3,000 dead – that’s going to be a miserable day.

Meantime Crossroads is in the mail to me – I’ll probably get to this over the weekend – need to rehearse tonight, the gigs’ Friday – let’s see early morning Saturday hangover, Brittany Spears movie, Robot Monster in one day – should be perfect. Looking forward to it in a strange way.

Not in such of a mood today – I’ve discovered that’s it better to just feel the damn down feelings and get them the hell over with than keep trying to push them back. Still I’ve got things on my mind so I didn’t sleep as well as I wanted to last night.

It was like every two hours some evil troll from my subconscious would sit on my chest and slap me awake

Troll: “Hi”
Me: “What the hell time is it?”
Troll: it’s 1 am, just wanted to say hello
Me: and who the hell are you?
Troll: I’m your money worries. How are we doing these days? .
Me: Well other than having an imaginary troll sitting on my chest I’m just peachy. Poor but peachy.
Troll: The money stuff not bothering you? You can’t get all the things you want. Doesn’t that bother you?
Me: Of course it is but I’m doing what I can and this isn’t forever. Now let me sleep.

Later about 2:30 am.

Troll 2: Hi
Me: And you would be?
Troll 2: You know they are talking about layoffs at work
Me: I know. Could you just tell me how being up at 2:30 in the morning is going to make a difference?
Troll 2: I don’t know, all I know is I have a job to do, which is to wake you up.
Me: fine, you’ve done your damn job and go away.

Still later. 4:48 am

Troll 3: Hi
Me: And you are?
Troll: You know, you really haven’t accomplished much have you? Most men your age have a list of solid accomplishments to their name.
Me: And a lot of them are boring, dull and stuck with just waiting to retire and then die to end a pointless life – so fuck off
Troll 3: language
Me: I swear to god, the next one of you that wakes me up is going to get whacked in the head with a softball bat.
Troll 3: Oh touchy.

Still later – so much later it is early

Troll 4: Hi,
Me: Oh you.
Troll 4: Do you realize how long it’s been since you’ve had sex?
Me: Oh great you.
Troll 4: Doesn’t that make you think that women basically find you unattractive ugly even? That maybe you are just a helpless loser who is - (sound of softball bat hitting troll’s head)
Me: I warned you, you stupid son of a bitch.
Troll 4: Mugnhfnnfffn.

Alarm goes off.

Me: Damn.

Well wasn’t like that but that’s what it felt like.

…and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.. The End/Abbey Road (Lennon/McCartney)