Return of the Ghost of the Son of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 20 - King of Kong Island

Well to get several things out of the way.

1.  There is no Island.

2.  There is no King

3. There is no Kong.

What there is, is a very very confusing Italian film that features a rather lunkhead jungle hero – a bad guy who controls apes by inserting eclectic gizmos inside of  their heads, a jungle woman whose main job seems to be keeping her hair covering her breasts and other fellows and people to to and fro about until the final climax when each person coming on screen shoots some one – well not really but it’s pretty close to that.

I’ve seen this one twice as well – and I really can’t tell you what is going on at all. It starts with a Mercenary company robbing someone – the robbery goes bad as bad guy one shoots both of the mercs that were helping in the robbery – however because he’s a bad shot he leaves the male lead alive.

Sometime later the male lead arrives in Nairobi – a soundstage in Italy for sure – and is seeking REVENGE for getting shot.  He meets some guy named Theodor who along with mistress and son and daughter are in Nairobi – Son and daughter are going on safari for sacred monkey.

I’m sure that was not the original term in the Italian script but for the life of me I can’t imagine what it really was.

Things go bad on the safari – Daughter – Diana – is carried off by Gorilla’s – the one’s we had seen being surgically altered earlier.  Son is told by bad guy number one to bring hero to the jungle. He promptly does  - and later on is killed or something bad by the apes. (there is a lot of padding during these bits via shot after shot after shot of animals in the jungle or veldt. Stock footage we presume.)

On top of this we are given the character of the Jungle Queen Eva who doesn’t really talk or do much except smile at the male lead especially when he has his shirt off.

We can understand I guess.

The whole confusing mess ends with the son killed, Diana captured and Burt trying to rescue her while fighting with the Bad Guy number one – who turns out to be a henchman of the mad Scientist who is putting things in apes brains – who was given money by Theodore who is shot by the mistress who is then shot by scientist who is then killed when the male lead manages to shot the spot on the big electronic brain that is controlling the men in the gorilla suits which oddly enough returns control of the men in the gorilla suits to Eva who promptly orders the men in the gorilla suits to kill him. Which they do.

Then male lead and Diana head for home leaving Eva – who as all jungle goddesses of her ilk managed to find excellent body waxing services in the jungle – in charge of men in the gorilla suits.

It’s a very very confused and very silly film. I’m not even sure why they made it in the first place.

Enjoy with Banana chips and espresso.