Return of the Ghost of the Son of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 19 - Escape From Galxay Three

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s hideous! The Horror! The Horror!

Sorry but this is a really really bad and really really muddled film.

The film which has been at times sold to the Rubes as Starcrash two owes very very little to Starcrash other than wholesale appropriation of the exact same special effects shots that were used in Starcrash. Not reusing the props mind you , just using the same blessed shots. 

The story such as it is – which is rather confusing – involves the invasion of either planets or a galaxy by one Oraclon who is billed as the ‘King of the Night’ almost evocative almost poetic but making no sense if one is in outer space.  None.

There is a another king – a daughter Belle Star and her faithful navigator – who try and fight Oraclon who by the way looks like the guy from the Parliament album the clones of Dr. Funkenstien – the glitter in the beard is a nice touch by the way  - but they fail – I think. The battle scene is just shots taken from Starcrash and tossed up on the screen in apparently random order. I’ve seen it twice and I can’t make heads or tails what the hell is going on.

Not a bit really.

Anyway it seems that Belle and the Navigator escape Oraclon and find themselves on a primitive planet called – wait for it – Earth.  Many many years ago there was an atomic war which reduced the inhabitants to a primitive yet peaceful – to a point they have spears – way of life.

After some initial distrust Belle and the Navigator are accepted among the folks and gradually learn things like how to eat and most important of all  what sex is.

It seems what sex is and how sex works has been forgotten by these advanced folks.

I pass on the absurdity of this – as it makes my head hurt to think about it.

This is all filmed outside in a field with oh about 30 extras all told with costumes from the most recent Hercules movies and in an odd touch Zulu Shields are part of the décor. I think they had two  interior sets one that they used for the Bridge of the King of the Nights’ ship, the good Kings Throne room and the other for Belle and the navigator’s ship – Also despite Oraclon being the King of the Night he was about him exactly one henchman.

This was one cheap ass film folks.

After from toing and frowing – Belle and the Navigator discover sex – Belle takes to it life a fish to water but the navigator is conflicted at fist until finally they realize their love for each other.  

One of the laws of Euro trash films – if you can’t be good have naked women in it.

Oraclon shows up finally and starts blasting – Stella and the Navigator at first decide to flee then not then decide to  flee again – and after they take off they deiced to not play the video games but get on with the boot knocking that was earlier interrupted.

There is song that hurts to listen to.

The film then ends oddly as Oraclon corners them – with a funny bit where he says what they doing  when his view screen shows Belle and the Navigator going at it – and somehow – again I don’t know and I’ve seen this twice – Oraclon is destroyed with a kiss from Belle – and then off the go back to earth where the cheering native greet them.

Do not see this film unless you want to hurt.  It’s awful.

Enjoy – really if you must -  with grappa – you’ll need several stiff drinks to get throug