Return of the Ghost of the Son of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 14 - Trog

We see some young men spelunking in a cave – if there is anything less cinematically interesting that watching folks walk about in a cave it’s an underwater fight scene that does not involve the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

They stumble upon an unexplored section of cave- via a stream – we watch them strip down to their skivvies before getting in the water – why? Bless me it’s not something I was eager to see – they reach the unexplored section one of them is promptly killed off screen by the title character.

After some toing and froing about not being sure what is in the cave – Joan Crawford  playing Dr. Brockton head of a vague ‘research’ institute in the town of woppington on fretboard (no not really I don’t remember the town’s name but it’s not  important) she convinces – eventually – the police that something odd is in the cave and it needs to come out. It does much to the dismay of the police and the spectators – including one Sam Murdock – played by our friend Michael Gough – who is a local town bigwig and a colossal dick to boot.

Dr. Brockton brings the beast down with a dart gun – (and she knew the correct dosage how?) and Trog –short for troglodyte -  (the same root the band the Troggs – of Wild thing fame took their name from) is put in a cage in the institute and shown how to wind up a doll.

This was Joan’s last film and one can understand why – while she does her best with the absurd script and attempts to give some gravitas to the performance – but she did say that had she not converted to Christian science later in her life she might have killed herself in embarrassment over being in this film.

Anyway we have a series of experiments and suchlike done on Trog – Trog is basically a guy with one of the very detailed  ape masks from the dawn of man segment of 2001 with some ratty looking fur attached to the neck – is screams  we found this mask in a warehouse – I’m not sure Stanley Kubrick really approved of their using the prop.

As said things are done to Trog – he is exposed to music – he likes Mozart but does not care for what they call rock n roll – lord knows what he would have made of the sex pistols – they operate on him to give him a voice and they have look at pictures of dinosaurs al la Alex in a clockwork Orange – because Science! I guess.

Really what is happening is that  the film is pouring in the padding between the time Trog is captured and goes off on his final Killing spree al la King Kong .  there is some sort of hearing that turns into a trial of some sort about Trog's rights – where Michael Gough continues to be a dick – later he starts plotting with Dr. Brockton’s second in command who is a pink man in a suit and is full of resentment at being number two a Woman of all things.  Pink skinned man in suit is upset.

But this subplot comes to naught and Michael decides to take things into his own hands and busts up the laboratory – and lets Trog out- what was it the security guard’s day off? – Trog of course compelled by the laws of poetic judgment kills Michael first – then rampages through town and ends up kidnapping a child and high tailing it back to the caves.

Dr. Brockton along with the army goes after Trog – who she insists is not a menace and can be control – this is after Trog has hung a butcher up on a butcher’s hook in his butcher shop – it’s a pretty brutal scene and by then we’ve lost all sympathy for our Trog  - Dr. Brockton goes down into the cave and manages to get the kid back from Trog in a scene that is obviously supposed to be moving, it is but not in way they were thinking .

After that of course the military come in and shoot the ever living day lights out of Trog who actually doesn’t die from getting shot but by falling on a stalagmite which finishes him off al la Dracula.

Full of Ms. Crawford trying really really hard – absurd dialogue and pseudo scientific gibberish it is a guilty pleasure if it really does drag in the middle.

Enjoy with a Paleo diet meal.