son of the Revenge of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 6 - The New Barbarians (aka) The Warriors of the Wasteland

In 1981 Mad Max 2 or as it was called here The Road Warrior hit the theaters. It was a huge success. And if there is one thing the Italian film industry does well it turn out scads of vastly cheaper versions of the original hit film (in this case that would take some doing as the budget for the Road Warrior wasn’t that much.) which brings us to today’s slice of cheese – The New Barbarians/ or Warriors of the Wastelands.

As the credits roll we get World War 3 then we see skeletons in the fields and a caption tells us its 2019  - 10 years after the war ended. A small community lives inside a circle of cars and trucks – they complain about the lack of food, they long for the good old days, they wonder if they really are getting radio signals on their radio. They are as is standard for these sorts of films utter dead meat.

As so we discover in a few moments as the films heavies – the Templers – arrive. Given that civilization has collapsed they are rather well equipped and all dressed in white which has to be a bitch to clean here in the wasteland – why after cultivation collapses everybody moves to the desert is an unanswered question of these sorts of films. Still being all dressed in white allows them to function like the gold robots of the last film – they can get killed over and over again.

The dead meat are slaughtered – later the film’s Max style loner hero Scorpion shows up and helps one survivor off to the next life and then goes and has his car fixed by the little boy with a sling shot and a wench. No I’m not kidding. 

Scorpion, as opposed to Gibson’s Max, who notwithstanding Mel’s later train wreck of a life commands you to look at him while he’s on the screen , is rather blah – even when saying how much he dislikes the Templers – some history there – but we’re not told what – but it is obvious that One the leader of the Templers and Scorpion don’t like each other but again it’s rather blah on Scop’s part (the Templers leader on the other hand spends the whole movie chewing any scenery he can get his hands on).

As part of a skirmish with the Templers Scorp, who despite the end of the world has permed hair – compare this with Max’s outfit in the Road Warrior  which is rather falling apart – links up with a woman who’s other companions were killed by the Templers. They have the sex and then run into more Templers and Nadir played by Fred Williamson – Fred really should have been the lead, he’s got the physical presence, and just the good shape to carry off the silly costume he’s in – leather and silver but he’s not – he’s a sort of friend/not friend of Scorp. They bicker when they meet each other.

We then arrive at the second camp these folks are following so they say (my attention was more on folding clothes at this point) a radio signal that will lead them to the last city or heaven or breakfast or something. As I said I wasn’t paying a lot of attention just then.

The woman decides that she will go with these brave souls looking for the source of the radio signal Scorp having problems with human interaction decides to head off but first he ends up bothering Nadir who has found the only black actress in the film and is verily happily snuggling in a post bonking cuddle isn’t looking to go anywhere. So Scorp goes out into the wasteland and gets himself caught by the Templers.

Turns out the Templers have a rather negative view of humanity – i.e. since they started the nuclear war they don’t deserve to live – and forced sodomy by the leader is part of the initiation or at least that’s what it looked like and I’d rather not look again thanks.

And then just before they were going to off him a scout comes in and announces the sighting of a big convoy – yes that one. In the classic mode of villains all over the world One leaves him for others to kill – which they don’t as in the nick Nadir shows up and rescues.

Then Nadir restores his spirit while the kid repairs the car and adds a little something that looks like a giant corkscrew/drill it. Then off they go for the last bang bang Scorp dressed in special armor that makes him look like an idiot – the standard carnage happens the Templers are killed, most of the good folks are rescued.  And yes the leader of the by then defunct Templers is done in by the corkscrew.

Full of stupid looking vehicles, chintzy sound effects – violence that is pretty cartoonish  - there’s a shot of a guy on a motor cycle riding it after his head is blown off that is truly absurd – and bad bad bad dialogue that doesn’t help at all this is not a fun film.  Watching this is really a slog through a wasteland.

Enjoy with a salad as it about the only green you’ll see in the picture.