31 Days of Cheese Day 6: Waterworld

Waterworld.

Waterworld. Well what else does one need to say? The film is legendary. It was the most expensive film in Hollywood history until Titanic sailed in and in Waterworld’s case it lost money. Lots of it.

Briefly the film deals with the world after the polar Ice Caps have melted and the world is flooded (there isn’t enough water in the ice caps to do that but never mind – it’s a movie). We follow the adventures of (Kevin Costner – then at the height of his commercial success – that would change) as the Mariner who sales the oceans in combination Catamaran and ocean going bat mobile as he swims, drinks his own urine (yes), and comes to love (eventually) the annoying child and hot chick (Jeanne Triplehorn) who somehow despite the total collapse of civilization managed to locate regular leg waxing services and collagen lip treatments, and this all despite the fact he has gills. (Don’t ask really it’s never explained and it’s not worth the time.)

And he finds the last piece of dry land in the world (What. Did you think he wasn’t going to do that?)

Opposing him is Dennis Hopper who I guess was entering his “I’ll read the phone book out loud for money” segment of his career as the Deacon, head of the Smokers. (Apparently as the waters were rising folks horded cigarettes and Jack Daniels or something, anyway they are the smokers). Hopper of course over acts like mad which has the advantage of being at least a little interesting to watch as opposed to Kevin’s lack of expression the whole time.

There are many many action sequences but they all play out like a combination of Mad Max, Esther Williams’s movies, the Go-Go’s vacation video and the WikiWaka Mermaid show. They miss being exciting and end up only to remind you how just how long this movie is.

In the end, watching the film feels like someone keeps putting burlap bags full of dead trout on top of your head. After a while the heaviness just wears you down.

While not as god awful as some of the films coming up, it’s far from good.

Enjoy with fish-sticks.