A REQUEST

I was at a reception yesterday – a friend of mine had gotten married in Minnesota and I couldn’t make it cause I was flat broke – (still am really) but so many folks were unable to make it, they decided to have another reception at the restaurant here in New York where she and her husband first met (I could gag but it’s their wedding and life not mine.) and something happened that spawned this request.

As side note while the chances of me getting married are smaller than that of me winning lotto twice in a row, I'm told in Vegas there is a replica of the Bridge of the original Starship Enterprise (the Captain Kirk years) – and you can have a wedding there – I don’t know if Elvis takes your vows but hell this is Vegas for money anything can be done – so if I find a woman that would consider that, I’ll know I have found “the one”.

Anyway back to the story – I was eating dinner – a little uncomfortable because I didn’t know anybody at all really. I’m good not in those kind of situations – give me room full of total strangers and a guitar and a stage I’m okay. Give me rooms full of strangers with the command go mingle and well, I’m one of the first to leave.

As dinner went on – I ended up talking with a few people including the a woman to my left who knew a friend of the bride or some such, I don’t remember her name. We talked about little things, this and that, my friend asked me how the band was going so I talked about that, mentioned the next gig (never hurts to schmooze a bit you know) and I was feeling well – this is sooo bad – I’m being fed at least.

Then it happened

“you now something?” the woman next to me said,

“No,” I said, “what?”

“You remind me of someone.”

I shrugged – I’ve never been much for the you look like stuff

“Who?” I asked, “As long as it’s not Raymond Massy or Boris Karloff some like that.”

“No” She said “you look like that guy from Cannonball run 2.”

I started to get a little ancy “What guy?”

‘The guy who plays the doctor Burt Reynolds drives around.”

“The proctologist?” I asked , making the weird probing movement he made in the film. “Him?”

“Yes.”

“But one of his eyes is off, a thyroid eye I think.” I said (I found out I was wrong.)

“Well not the eyes, but the nose and the forehead.”

I just shook my head “great I look like the weird looking guy who gets chosen for ugly sidekick parts.” All the while thinking (“forehead? Forehead? Who looks at a forehead? There’s nothing to a forehead, It’s the blank bit between the hair line and the eyebrows.- I think she was reaching.)

“He’s a character actor.”

"Cause he's ugly."

I admit I got a bit petulant - Listen I’m no shining example of male beauty (only two women have ever told me how attactive I was and I can vouch that both of them were crazy to the point you have to question thier judgement about such things) still nobody likes to be told they look like Jack Elam - shown above. (He was the actor we were talking about – nobody knew his name at the time, I had to look it up later).

Fortunately desert arrived soon after and the party broke up – I said my good byes and went home to find out the Mets had lost again. (This left hander thing is going to cripple them in the playoffs if they don’t get it taken care of).

This brings me to my request.

Ladies and Gentelmen, if your talking someone you’ve just met and you think he looks like some butt ugly actor who made his living playing bad buys and butt ugly sidekicks – please keep that to your self okay? We homely guys know we’re homely, we don’t need any one else to point that out to us okay? Thank you.

Oh yes the E-Harmony Sports nut ad is about as weak as it gets. The only reason they would run an ad like that is because you can't find people on e-harmony who are interested in sports. lame lame lame.