The Return of the Ghost of the Son of the 31 Days of Cheese – Day 4 – Two Headed Shark Attack

Editorial note – been a bit under the weather so we are a bit behind but onward. 

The ScyFy Channel – (and why they are spelling it like that is beyond me and remember they spent money and someone then told them to spell scifi like that. Always remember with this sort of branding One person wrote it down and other people were paid money to say that this would be a good thing)

But I digress. The ScyFy Channel has become over the years the sort of venue that drive ins used to serve for the producers of well exploitive schlock – and nobody is schlockier that The Asylum who among other films produced today’s’ film – Two Headed Shark Attack.

Actually there really isn’t much to say – there is a two headed shark – and it attacks. Why the shark has two heads other than it would be silly to have a movie entitled two headed shark attack without a two headed shark in it, is never explained. There is a quick “things like this happen” line spoken by someone but that’s about it. 

The plot – such as it is, features a group of perhaps the least likeable group of College students who are going on a three hour tour – sorry – it just seems that Gillian’s lsland is the ur-folks get on boat bad things happen story.

The folks on this boat – including Carmen Electra who plays the wife of the Professor (I’m not sure why the Gillian’s Island references keep showing up but there they are) are one some sort of cruse – one of the students is Brooke Hogan daughter of the Hulkster – she turns out to be the female lead of the story – she doesn’t act well in this but hell nobody does.

Once the boat has it’s inevitable mechanical difficulty – and washes the castaways on a small atoll out in the middle of damn nowhere – and they – eventually realize that something in the water is eating them the film has a problem all the something in the water is eating you films have – getting folks into the water so they can be et. 

This film accomplishes this by sinking the island – it’s not clear is the two headed shark is actively trying causing the island to sink – and just how the hell does an island sink? Even an atoll? It’s not like it’s a sheet of ice floating on top of the sea – well I really shouldn’t be upset about a film not knowing much about geology when it has a two headed shark in it.

The island sinks – people get et  (the best line is where one of the frat boy types is one the radio of the doomed boat saying “Mayday there’s a two headed Shark Attacking me”  but these good moments are very rare.  

One of the problems is that the shark is portrayed two ways one CGI which they have about 3 shots they use over and over again and a mechanical effect – mostly a two headed shark – well there is no other word for it – a two headed shark puppet  -its amazingly fake looking. Seriously it’s even worse than the original Bruce the shark – which was over 35 years ago (I just made myself sad thinking that).  

In end the island sinks most of the folks are et – Brooke kills the shark and the credits roll.

Lot of shark, lot of gore. A little bit of nudity, not a lot of acting and really a script that even by the standards is really lazy.  I know it can be a challenge to do a film with a title like two headed shark attack but at least you want folks to try to make it worth your time.

Enjoy with sea food – I’d say shark fin soup but the demand for that is endangering shark species around the world so lay off.