The Return of the Ghost of the Son of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 2 - After Earth

Hunkered down and waiting for the snow to end all snow as per the Weather Channel and my local pharmacy which sent me an e-mail with the a tone just slightly less hysterical than Chicken Little’s the sky is falling message. Seems like a good idea to look at one of 2013’s movie clunkers – After Earth.

This, unlike most of the films I write about had a real budget, a real big budget to exact aprox 130 million dollars (pause for Dr. Evil Pinky gesture) – which would mean that Ed Wood could have made 260 movies with the same funds – a frightening prospect to think about -  we shall go no further with that.

Anyway this Will Smith and Son Vehicle directed by the lately snake bit M. Night Shyamalan (The Last Airbender) proposes that sometime in the future Humanity if forced by pollution to leave earth and settle on another world – not an unheard of premise. However soon on their new home they are attacked by what are called Ursa – Elephant sized aliens who hunt human beings – apparently they are genetically engineered beasts created by other aliens – which if true means the aliens who created the Ursa are stupid as hell.  

The Ursa it seems are blind but can smell fear – a pheromone humans give off when afraid – and Will Smith has discovered a way not to feel fear and therefore be invisible to the Ursa before he cuts them into little pieces with his sword looking thing  – the ability to make guns apparently was left behind on earth. However this power comes with a price – he is an emotionless  dick to his son.  He’s not much warmer to the wife but that’s not a big part of the film.

In order to bond – Will and son go on a trip to another planet and because folks in the future are idiots there is an captive Ursa in a cage in the space ship – 

Before can you can say asteroid field cliché they run into one and after a desperate leap into hyperspace to escape the asteroids – (guys they are just rocks that orbit about a central gravity source a star for instance – they don’t wander about looking for space ships to hit.)

The ship struck shore on this uncharted desert isle – oh wait.

The ship crashes – it’s breaks in two on the way down – in one is  young Will Smith and Will Smith who announces that he has broken both legs , one very badly.  In the other is a working rescue beacon because the one in this part of the ship is broken – I swear to god Christopher Columbus had more redundancies in his ships (it's like they had a lifeboat but only on the Pinta). It turns out they are on earth where everything has evolved to kill you Will adds in a burst of cheer. 

And of course evolution doesn’t work that fast – just another problem with the film – a thousand years is an eye blink in the history of life – still the place looks okay – it’s rather lush pacific northwest rain forest except that drops well below freezing except for some hot spots the air is un-breathable except for this asthma treatment look cylinders young Will Smith (I forget his name sorry) has tosuck on one a day and the woods are filled with baboons, tiger looking creatures and a really big bird – and some wild boars. and of course the Ursa who survived the crash.

The rest of the film follows young Will Smith on his journey – will he make it? Yes. Will be able to not feel fear to Ghost as the movie puts it. Yes, Will he come to terms with that he was a small kid the day his older sister was killed by the Ursas and he wasn’t able to do anything? Yes. Will he find acceptance with his father, Yes. Will he kill the Ursa – yes – eventually yes –it’s a long drawn out fight – you know a long range rifle with explosive bullets could take out the Ursas as well as you would be several hundred yards away from the damn things and there would be no way they could smell you even if you were drenched in old spice. Will the film eventually end – yes. Will it make a lick of sense? No.

A lot was written speculated about the link between the world view stated in this film – no emotions are the way to go – especially fear – and Scientology – Will Smith has not said he is a Scientologist but he’s good friends with Tom Cruise who is very much so. Still the time he does talk about having no fear sounds to me more like the idea Zen state of a samurai warrior before battle – being aware of everything but focusing on nothing.  

It’s competently made film nobody is running into the sets and making the walls bounce but it’s a long slog with no real satisfying ending and the whole earth thing doesn’t really seem to matter in the end .