Son of the Revenge of the 31 days of Cheese - Day 21: Cape Canaveral Monsters

In 1953 Phil Tucker directed one of the all time worst films ever made the legendary Robot Monster.  Take away the Robot Monster, the 3-d effects and the weird Poetry of the Ro-man’s speeches – you get this – 1960’s The Cape Canaveral Monster written and directed by Phil

The film starts with two small bright lights – they follow a couple as they drive back from the beach – the guy for some reason went to the beach in a jump suit - it’s not a pretty sight. 

There is an accident and the couple is killed – the little lights take over the now dead bodies. Only problem is that one of the man’s arms has been torn off which – not being a physical being, the man was going to forget had not the woman reminded him. It’s one of the weird little moments of black humor in this film I just can’t tell if it’s intentional or not.

Cut to Cape Canaveral – or rather stock shots and a set featuring scantiest types – the Earnest young Scientist, hereinafter Earnest, the head scientist or Reichsfurerer – who has a German accent that comes and goes,  and his niece Sally – and some other extras.

We see stock footage of a rocket launch that well doesn’t end well. It fact it blows up. The early days of America’s rocket program were filled with these sorts of scenes so we see this a lot. I think the rocket in this shot was an version of the Atlas Rocket that launched John Glen into space a few years later – which does explain the ‘god speed John Glen’ comment that when over the loudspeaker when the rocket lifted off, there was a distinct possibility that the bloody thing would blow up.

As this is going on it seems the guard dogs are going nuts – the guard is told to follow their lead – and it turns out that damn if the male aliens’ arm comes off again. It’s what happens when you use big stitches I guess.

Anyway the scientists – including the German guy are appalled at the explosion – they can’t figure out what is going wrong. Earnest quietly suggests maybe “aliens?” a suggestion that makes everyone move away from Earnest as if he had something catching. It can’t be that Verner Von Braun – sorry the chief scientist says – we will examine the tapes.

At this point the guard comes strolling in with the arm. Right like I’m going to walk into mission control with a god damn severed limb that is still bleeding. In an even more bizarre twist the General asks for the arm – he is going to take it somewhere – like the medical center on the base where should have been taken in the first place/

While tape examining is going on Earnest makes goo-goo eyes at the Niece Sally which causes the Commandant, sorry the German Scientist to blow up ,Sally to say you don’t own me and the General to say “this is the united states that’s not how we act when someone wants to  bang, sorry date your niece.” Even so the German scientist is unmolyfied and I’m starting to feel bad for Earnest – his suggestion that Aliens are destroying the rockets is correct of course as this is a science fiction film and the object of his one true heart is watched over by a half crazed German who if it hadn’t been for operation paper clip would be doing the same thing in Siberia somewhere.

Meantime the aliens – working with what they have have established contact with the home planted – their job is simple to disrupt the rockets until the little ball aliens can invade. There is some sniping between the two while this all goes on the female is openly mocking the males fortitude (and the fact he keeps losing his arm) – one thing as these are reanimated corpses they are pretty cut up from the car wreck.

Their other mission is to obtain specimens for study – which is always the case and as is the case involved finding a female victim and oh yes a male victim. I’m not sure if most of the film makers in the 50’s had issues about women or they presumed their audience did. I’m not sure. Also just once I’d like the invading aliens to be curious about something other than the humans, just once the aliens’ job is prepare the way for invasion and find out about bacon.

Anyway the one armed alien needs a new arm but they will go find it after they fuck the next launch – which they do using some sort of bazooka like device that you only need one arm to use.

At this point Earnest and Sally decide to go on a double date with Male dead meat and female dead meat – who in the course of events are captured by the aliens – the male alien takes the male’s arm and chin (which has to be a first) for himself – while they take off the females clothing (but cover her in blanket) and then do things to transfer her to the home planet via the transfer device that really looks like a deep fat fryer full of boiling cooking oil.

The rest of the film involves Earnest and Sally’s’ pursuit of and capture by the aliens with Earnest’s escape then the rounding up of the angry villagers – in this case the sheriff, the scientists, the army guys and a comic relief guy with a shot gun they – with some painfully bad pull it out of your butt pseudo science – manage to blow up the aliens, and the base and save the earth.

In a final bit something the police car carrying Sally away pulls around a hill and you hear a scream and a crash – then the two lights fill the screen. I’m not sure what this is supposed to mean but I’m guessing some sort of downbeat ending but it happens so fast you can’t tell 

Rather plodding in pace featuring valleys and mountains and deserts that don’t quite jibe with this being Florida – which is very very flat, it lacks the touch of madness or Robot Monster that make that so memeroable – not in a good way I must add.

Enjoy with salt free crackers.