Son of the Revenge of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 20: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

When one thinks of all the cheesy titles that graced the 1950’s sci fi and horror films – The giant Mantis, I was a Teenage Werewolf, Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, The Thing (From another world) the  Non Plus Ultra of cheesy titles has to be 1958’s Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Just by reading the title you know pretty much what’s going to happen in the film, there will be a woman, she will be fifty feet tall, and she will attack.

The lurid poster for this film is a work of art – really it resides in the permanent collection at the Museum of Modern Art alongside (well it’s in the same building) with Picasso, Dali, Pollock, and other modern masters,  it show a giant angry woman tearing up an interstate highway and flinging cars about like they were toys

Needless to say, nothing like this happens in the film.

The story, set in a small California desert town involves the very rich but emotionally fragile Nancy Archer (played by Better Folwer) who is married to Harry Archer (William Hudson) who is an complete and utter cad or bastard depends on how angry he makes you  who had separated from Nancy but returned once he realized she wasn’t going to give him a lot of money to not be married to her. He has the big eyes for one Honey Parker  (Yeyett Vickers) who while she wants Harry she also wants Nancy’s money.

Nancy, for reasons nobody can quite figure, out loves/needs something Harry to the point of obsession/madness (she’s been a sanatorium already).

Into this little desert triangle comes a “Satellite” every other film in this era would call it a flying saucer but here it’s a “satellite” (not of love) that has been buzzing the earth and is now headed for the California desert – when at this moment Nancy is speeding away from the town’s only bar in a rage as Harry was making goo-goo eyes at Honey (not that Nancy’s gone he’s doing a bit more – its’ here were  get vast gouts of exposition – and learn Honey wouldn’t mind Nancy dead or failing that back in the Looney bin.)

Nancy who does not have very good luck runs smack dab into the “satellite” a very unconvincing giant sphere (the special effects are especially subpar you can see though the sphere) and then an unconvincing giant who is reaching towards Nancy who flips the hell out and runs back into town leaving the car there.

When she gets to town she is screaming for Harry who is still nibbling on the neck of Honey – he slips some money to the deputy Sheriff (who is the comic relief in this picture – not as annoying as Jar Jar binks but he tries) who tells the sheriff and Nancy that he’s gone home by cab.

Nancy the sheriff and the deputy go in search of the giant and the Satellite – I can assume they figured that would become the new hip term for UFO’s – they were wrong. And of course they don’t find anything.

Returning home Nancy is greeted by her butler who is the only one in the film who actually shows this woman any affection or kindness – she tells Harry about her encounter Harry – you can see the wheels turning in his head – takes her off to bed – pocketing a Diamond – the start of India – and returning to Honey saying “she’s flipping she’s seeing satellites:” as a mating call he holds up the diamond – it works but first the wife has to be removed.

Next day old doctor is very concerned about her health – gives her some pills and then spouts must be kept quiet gobblety gook to harry who isn't listening to a word of it and the Butler who you can see hates Harry with the heat of a thousand suns.

There then follows much filler as Nancy and Harry – who is obviously counting the minutes until he can ditch the wife and head to his honey – search for the satellite – alas for both of them, the find it, and the Giant  who looks a bit like mister clean and due to the bad special effects you can see through – at this Harry ditches the wife and decides to get the hell out of dodge – there is a fight with the butler who  is a bit upset that Harry has ditched Nancy

But before he can get out of town with honey – a the sheriff wants to see him and honey and b) Nancy shows up on the roof of the pool building muddy and scratched and missing the star of India.

And oh yes she’s starting to grow – actually parts are growing – like her hands hare huge so big they have to use chains from hung from the ceiling to keep them up. Yes they are fake looking like mostly everything else in this film .

After some toing and frowing – the sheriff and the butler (next fall on abc) find the satellite again and the giant and there is a very odd shot where they look at a bowl containing the Star of India which apparently sort of powers the ship or helps power the ship – we never know, they never ask as the giant shows up and after trying to shoot it the giant it a) wrecks their car and b) takes off never to be seen again.

Meantime – harry has decided to kill Nancy but his attempted was thwarted by the sudden growth of Nancy’s hands – he ends up back with Honey  just as Nancy finishes her growth spurt – finds a bra and skirt looking thing that fits and finally – goes on the rampage,

As rampages go it’s not much of a rampage, - she is looking for harry (and yelling harry! At the top of fifty foot lungs which means its loud) her first stop is at the hotel where Honey is staring which she wrecks and then the bar where she finds harry and the floozy – she rips the roof off the bar and drops a beam on ms hot to trot killing her – Harry empties a revolver into her which doesn’t seem to do much – she picks up harry – and here the film wins the lifetime achievement award for the fakest looking giant hand – and then starts heading out of town with the Sheriff, The Deputy, the Professor and Mary and – wait – the rest of the town follow – the Sheriff gets a few shots in with a shot gun but it doesn’t seem to do any good except that she ends up near a high voltage tower which ends up killing her.

The townsfolk gather round and her doctor says “I guess she finally got Harry all to herself.”

Well yeah.

Not quite as cheesy as you’d think but with very nice performances by the leads – Betty Fowler gives Nancy some real sense of anguish here – but the story drags on a bit and the climax isn’t really that impressive. Still several bonus points for inspiring songs by two of my favorite Bands – the Cramps Secret Garden talks about a 50 foot woman yelling Harry! Harry! And The Tubes “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman – our love was at an end:” so there’s that.

Enjoy with nachos.