The Revenge of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 24 - Yor Hunter from the Future

Oh dear lord what a ridiculous film. Also Ludicrous, Also jaw dropping absurd and just plain silly.

Yor Hunter from the Future is a 1983 Italian/Turkish/ anybody with a few bob to spare production starring Reb Brown – known to some as the guy who screams like a woman in Space Munity a film so brilliantly ridiculed by MST3K so I couldn’t even think of what else to say about it– and to others of a very masochistic bent as Steve Rogers/Captain America in two TV movies back in the late 70’s – I’ve seen bits of these – it’s my quest to find the full shows why? Because I must hate myself that’s the only reason – look at me night after night subjecting my brain to sludge like Yor Hunter from the Future.

I digress. Anyway Reb as Yor supplies the pecs and waxed body that seems a requirement of these kind of films – he’s also wearing a too short loin cloth and a blonde prince valiant haircut wig that makes him look goofy as hell.

We join Yor running through the desert as some sort of eruo-kraftwerk on cough syrup band plays the theme “Yor’s world” it’s two minutes of mind numbing junk – seriously you didn’t know music could get that god awful and still stick with you.

So Yor is running. Now per the IMDB (and who are we to doubt the IMDB?) Reb played football at USC (another site says he was a halfback) well maybe so but he just doesn’t seem well athletic as he’s running. He’s in excellent shape pecs wise but he just doesn’t move like an athlete moves. It’s just odd. He kind of fails his arms about.

It’s some sort of desert wasteland but Yor seems happy in it – somewhere nearby a tribe of cave folks done as only the Italians can do cavemen – seriously they must have found the ugliest hairiest guys in the studio and made them grow beards or made them wear fake beards; either way it doesn’t matter these are some very hairy dudes. With women who are wearing fur bikinis and have eye shadow and shaved legs and all that. I love movies.

I’m having trouble getting to the point here – it’s just that each ridiculous point gets linked to another in my head and them I’m off talking about shaved legs. Well onward.

The tribe is happy because they have come upon a land that is rich with water and game. We see two folks hunting said game some old guy and the female lead Ka-la played by Corinne Clery who was in Moonraker and was naked a lot in The Story of O. She looks wonderful in a fur bikini.

In their hunting they annoy the parent of the small creature they are hunting (I think) who is a combination of a Triceratops, Stegosaurs and some Allosaurus tossed in for good measure. To the rescue come Yor hunter from the future who kills the beast (that looks like it’s a bunch of guys wearing some kind of cardboard costume – very fake) and Ka-La is grateful. The old dude is somebody whos care for Ka-la since her father the king died – I didn’t know that cave tribes had kings but we’ll let that go. Sufice to say he’s grateful as well.

They join the rest of the tribe for some eating of roasted meat and drinking thing while the women dance – Ka-La who asks the old dude more than once “why is Yor so different?” Gee I don’t know, shaved pecs, blonde hair recently bathed in a land of really grubby looking guys I really can’t tell you why Ka-La.

So as the dance progresses, Ka-la starts to dance about attracting the attention of Yor in a matter similar to the end of Brides of Blood, but since this is at the start of the film we don’t get the huge nookie fest – we get guys black fir with sort of purple faces (the makeup isn’t always consistent) who raid the village kill the men and carry off the women. It’s the way of things. When in doubt, have evil cavemen raid the village. It’s a variation of Raymond Chandler’s old writing tip: “when in doubt have two guys come through the door with guns.”

Yor, old dude and Ka-La at first escape but the head of the purple folks comes after Ka-la and ends up taking her to his cave with the other women. There is another roasted meat fest were the men make menacing growls at the captive women. Just another Tuesday.

To show how less than gripping this film was I was wondering then during the second roasted meat scene – shouldn’t these people be eating some roughage as well? A salad or two once in a while ? otherwise they were going to have a lot of problems later on. This is how you mind works when confronted with a film like this.

So old dude and Yor manage to rescue Ka-la in part by using a giant bat as a hang glider. Which may be the only time in cinema history a giant bat has been used as a hang glider. And then Yor opens up a damn which floods the cave – which I have to assume kills the other captive women as well as the bad guys – well most of them, a few survive to cause trouble later.

And our trio goes off – it seems Yor has a medallion on his chest and someone in the village mention he had seen s similar medallion being worn by a woman who was worshiped by the fire people. They find this woman who isn’t really bad just misunderstood – the fire people offer her sacrifices because they are just that way. It’s not her fault. After a silly battle Yor rescues her. He does that a lot – kind of character quirk I guess.

As she is Blonde and has a medallion Yor falls for her (much to the chagrin of Ka-La who now pouts) while they make with the bouncy bouncy – (I’m not sure why – honestly Ka-La is just so much better looking that this woman I can’t even say but blondes have that effect of some folks) then a short while later tries to kill the blonde woman.

Dreams of a prolonged cat fight are dashed as the hairy guys with the purple faces show up and in the struggle blonde lady is hit in the head with a club wielded by one of the purple guys. Yor kills all of them but it is too late – blonde lady is dying. She hands her medallion to Ka-La who manages to keep her mouth shut and does not go run a victory lap either.

Yor apparently not one to morn – or even plan-heads off – they end up at the beach by the sea –where after another fight with a paper mache monster, Yor is offered another woman – but this time Yor wisely refuses as a) the kid’s too young and b) Ka-La is sharpening her knife the entire time this conversation is going on.

At this time we get the big plot twist that anybody who read the title Yor Hunter from the Future (or anybody who has seen Teenage Caveman) could guess – this isn’t the past – it’s the future! And Yor was raised on an island in the middle of the sea where the survivors of the original civilization chafe under the rule of the overlord (who keeps calling himself The overlord – really he seems insecure about this) and the overlord’s fake looking robots. Yor and the rest of the island residents along with old dude and Ka-la defeat the overlord, fairly easily as these things go, in what looks like the basement of a pumping station or something like that and then escape in what looks like a space ship as the island blows up to re-establish civilization and start the long climb back to where they can nuke themselves into oblivion again.

It’s a horrible film. And stupid and horrible. Did I say it was horrible? And I’m pretty sure that somebody else dubbed Reb’s lines in this film – he has a distinct California accent that just isn’t there in this film. The special effects at laughable especially the monsters. Reb does supply the pecs and Ka-La is pretty if a little emotionally unstable.

Just a jaw droopingly silly film.

Enjoy with pizza – extra mozzarella.