The Revenge of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 19 - The Land Unknown

Helicopters – I was seeing helicopters in my dreams after I saw this film a 1957 effort.

The story is that 3 men and one woman as part of a larger expedition to the Antarctic are investigating an area of Antarctica that has open fresh water (all the references sources for the film say that this was based on a discovery by Admiral Byrd however none of the sources on Admiral Byrd mentions it so I suspect it didn’t turn out to be much) . They the captain, the pilot, Steve (who will turn into an idiot later on) and Maggie the blonde what the captain has declared dibs on (it’s interesting that the woman in these films always ends up with the highest ranking male – I blame the patriarchy for this) all climb into a helicopter. There destination the mysterious open lake area.

We see a lot of this helicopter – then more of this helicopter then even more of it as the film runs through stock footage of the Antarctic by the drove. Then more shots of the helicopter matted over stock footage. Yes they were padding the film.

A lot.

Finally they get to the area but have to turn back because of a storm – so we see more helicopter flying shots. Ahhhhh! I confess! Stop it please stop it!

The storm is a bad one and the ace pilot has a problem he doesn’t have enough fuel to go around the storm – finding a gap in the storm he flies in – however while he is in the clouds (after a bit more padding) something hits the copter and it starts to go down – and down and down and down and down – they are heading into a valley and it is getting warmer and warmer. Until it lands rather heavily in an area of fog and swamp – yes the land unknown. And they are stuck as a part of the helicopter is broken.

About his point Steve begins to freak out – he has to get home his wife is going to have a baby in a few months – and if they are too long the expedition will leave without them (they have some 28 or so days) rather than get stuck in the ice for the winter. As I see these films I begin to suspect that screen writers used the name Steve as shorthand for ‘useless annoying dickhead’ as this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a film where the character named Steve is a ‘useless annoying dickhead’.

Turns out – of course – that here the march of time has stopped and evolution has as well and big lizards rule the earth – well the special effect shot is of two lizards fighting on a miniature set. They did this a whole lot back in the 40’s and 50’s when they needed dinosaurs. One it looked very very fake and two I’m not a member of PETA but still forcing animals to fight for the purpose of an effects shot is really just wrong.

Our castaways are then menaced by a man in t-rex suit – again folks talk about Japanese monster in a rubber suit but this suit looks really really silly – especially when it opens its mouth to road.

They use the helicopter to ward off the attack of the t-rex – then as they set up their camp – Steve sneaks off back to the helicopter and runs the battery down calling for help on the radio – so the next day when they hear a search plane (the valley is covered in clouds at all time) the radio doesn’t have enough juice for the plane to hear them. At this point they beat Steve with sticks – well they don’t but they really should.

And it turns out they are not alone here – there is another human being – a survivor of an earlier crash 10 years ago – he’s managed to survive but in the process has gone somewhat funny in the head. Seems he has a part that will fix the helicopter but in exchange he wants Maggie to stay with him.

Steve the dick is all for the plan while the pilot figures it’s Maggie’s choice but our captain (since Maggie is well his) will have none of it.

It all turns out for the best in the end – after a kerfulule with a river monster – who after oh the 3^rd time it gets a big torch shoved in its mouth you would think it would go off and find something a little easier to catch but it’s a movie so it doesn’t – our survivor has a change of heart – lets them know where the part is and finally the Helicopter (the film really should have been named The Helicopter of the Lost World) is fixed and after a final battle with the man in the t-rex suit and more shots of the Helicpoter flying they get to safety but not before they use a stock footage shot of a helicpoter crash (which seemed really pointless after all the helicopiter had gone through). As our sotry ends we find that Maggie will marry the captain and the others will beat Steve the dick with sticks (well no they don’t, but they should).

It’s a rather blah film undone by the effects and the wandering storyline and the obsession with the Helicopter.

Enjoy with twisty fries.