Black Scorpions and Idiot Kids
Kind of a lost weekend – went to the Brooklyn Brewery with some friends (no that’s not why it was a lost weekend) which was pretty cool – at least until what looked like the entire population of Brooklyn showed up – then it got a bit much. Still the beer was very good – and you were expecting it to be bad? Anyway what knocked me out was not the beer but the take out I had when I got home. That evening and night I spent too much time on biological activities and not enough on sleep…with the upshot that Sunday morning I was a wreck and feeling just useless.
So I just spent the day watching movies and noodling about the web.
And got hit in the face twice in one day by the ‘stupid kid’ cliché. Which I hate with the heat of the 1,000 suns.
Let me explain:
The first movie was Black Scorpion one of William O’Brien’s last pictures (he was the man behind the 1933 King Kong). Here there are these giant scorpions that have been released from their underground lair by a volcano. It was the 50’s everybody was doing it. The film is set in Mexico and stars Charles Durning (from Creature of the Black Lagoon – it’s sad I don’t have to look these guys up) and Mara Corday (of the Giant Claw) as the female lead (she’s the owner of a cattle ranch) Anyway people and cattle are vanishing as Charles (a geologist) and another Geologist show up. With the title of The Black Scorpion we figure they are being et but it takes a while – too long really – for the movie to find this out. Meantime Charles meets Mara and promptly forgets about geology in favor of trying to get into Mara’s pants – which I can understand Mara was a playmate of the month in 58 and this film was made in 57, and who the hell wants to look at rocks?
Just as about some serious busy time was coming – a scorpion comes out of the ground answering all the questions about where the missing people when to by eating to line men (“ I am the line for the county ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!) And then rampages through the village. After that they decide they have to do something about it.
Anyway at Mara’s ranch is a small boy named Juanito – hereinafter the idiot kid or IK. He attaches himself to Charles like a leach and as Charles and the rest get themselves ready to look for the lair of these big bugs IK is pleading with Charles to take him with him. Charles showing damn good sense does not. That done they drive out near the volcano where a fissure in the earth has opened up – found by one of Mara’s ranch hands by falling into it.
And it turns out IK has stowed away in the trailer the jeep was towing. After they tut-tut a bit Charles and his fellow geologist – (who are also somehow experts on giant arachnids) are lowered into the cave via basket – as they get out we see that IK has smuggled himself aboard – of course a) you’d have to completely stupid not to notice him going down and b) once you’d found him in the trailer I’d have tied him to the bumper of the jeep. There is much toing and foring in this bit as the men and the IK are menaced by the various giant insects – IK manages to get himself nearly et by what looks like a mutant ant lion or trap door spider – which forces Charles and his friend to come to rescue allowing the scorpions to destroy the basket. (They all get out but no thanks to the kid).
Thankfully at the finale of the film the IK is nowhere to be seen - one assumes Charles tied big rocks to his ankles and then dropped him down the well – well we can hope can we.
One last quibble – Scorpions do not have teeth the way reptiles and mammals have teeth. And they don’t droll much.
Next up was volcano – a 1997 film staring Tommy Lee Jones as the same person he played in The Fugitive not the same name but the same type of hard ass with a heart of gold kind of thing. He is the head LA office of emergency management when a volcano blows up in the middle of LA. Anne Heche (?) plays the female lead – an expert on geology who’s assistant gets killed by the lava. Safety note – never stand astride a crack in a deep tunnel when investigating possible lava flow – it ends badly.
Anyway Tommy and his wife are separated and it’s Tommy’s turn to look after his daughter who is 13 and is self-absorbed – however she is not the IK of the film. That is reserved for some blonde little moppet who’s mom is hurt. And Tommy’s daughter ends up watching along with a bunch of other kids as the volcano erupts and lava flows.
So at the climatic moment – who the hell wanders away from everybody so the Tommy’s daughter has to chase after him and save his ass from getting crushed by collapsing building or burned by lava (don’t ask the details they are dumb as hell) – yep the little blonde moppet. Now I’m as fond of little kids as most people but there comes a point were you have to say “Darwin has spoken” and let nature remove said idiot kid from the gene pool.
Later.
Peace, Love, Darwin
So I just spent the day watching movies and noodling about the web.
And got hit in the face twice in one day by the ‘stupid kid’ cliché. Which I hate with the heat of the 1,000 suns.
Let me explain:
The first movie was Black Scorpion one of William O’Brien’s last pictures (he was the man behind the 1933 King Kong). Here there are these giant scorpions that have been released from their underground lair by a volcano. It was the 50’s everybody was doing it. The film is set in Mexico and stars Charles Durning (from Creature of the Black Lagoon – it’s sad I don’t have to look these guys up) and Mara Corday (of the Giant Claw) as the female lead (she’s the owner of a cattle ranch) Anyway people and cattle are vanishing as Charles (a geologist) and another Geologist show up. With the title of The Black Scorpion we figure they are being et but it takes a while – too long really – for the movie to find this out. Meantime Charles meets Mara and promptly forgets about geology in favor of trying to get into Mara’s pants – which I can understand Mara was a playmate of the month in 58 and this film was made in 57, and who the hell wants to look at rocks?
Just as about some serious busy time was coming – a scorpion comes out of the ground answering all the questions about where the missing people when to by eating to line men (“ I am the line for the county ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!) And then rampages through the village. After that they decide they have to do something about it.
Anyway at Mara’s ranch is a small boy named Juanito – hereinafter the idiot kid or IK. He attaches himself to Charles like a leach and as Charles and the rest get themselves ready to look for the lair of these big bugs IK is pleading with Charles to take him with him. Charles showing damn good sense does not. That done they drive out near the volcano where a fissure in the earth has opened up – found by one of Mara’s ranch hands by falling into it.
And it turns out IK has stowed away in the trailer the jeep was towing. After they tut-tut a bit Charles and his fellow geologist – (who are also somehow experts on giant arachnids) are lowered into the cave via basket – as they get out we see that IK has smuggled himself aboard – of course a) you’d have to completely stupid not to notice him going down and b) once you’d found him in the trailer I’d have tied him to the bumper of the jeep. There is much toing and foring in this bit as the men and the IK are menaced by the various giant insects – IK manages to get himself nearly et by what looks like a mutant ant lion or trap door spider – which forces Charles and his friend to come to rescue allowing the scorpions to destroy the basket. (They all get out but no thanks to the kid).
Thankfully at the finale of the film the IK is nowhere to be seen - one assumes Charles tied big rocks to his ankles and then dropped him down the well – well we can hope can we.
One last quibble – Scorpions do not have teeth the way reptiles and mammals have teeth. And they don’t droll much.
Next up was volcano – a 1997 film staring Tommy Lee Jones as the same person he played in The Fugitive not the same name but the same type of hard ass with a heart of gold kind of thing. He is the head LA office of emergency management when a volcano blows up in the middle of LA. Anne Heche (?) plays the female lead – an expert on geology who’s assistant gets killed by the lava. Safety note – never stand astride a crack in a deep tunnel when investigating possible lava flow – it ends badly.
Anyway Tommy and his wife are separated and it’s Tommy’s turn to look after his daughter who is 13 and is self-absorbed – however she is not the IK of the film. That is reserved for some blonde little moppet who’s mom is hurt. And Tommy’s daughter ends up watching along with a bunch of other kids as the volcano erupts and lava flows.
So at the climatic moment – who the hell wanders away from everybody so the Tommy’s daughter has to chase after him and save his ass from getting crushed by collapsing building or burned by lava (don’t ask the details they are dumb as hell) – yep the little blonde moppet. Now I’m as fond of little kids as most people but there comes a point were you have to say “Darwin has spoken” and let nature remove said idiot kid from the gene pool.
Later.
Peace, Love, Darwin
posted by Unknown at 3:45 PM
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