Vengance of the 31 Days of Cheese - Day 4 - Mansquito

Lurid DVD cover.

Yes, I know I’m behind – I’ve been busy okay?

Back in the days when people went to the movies every week, the demand for product was massive especially as theaters all showed double features – actually, the standard was a newsreel, a cartoon a short a b-picture and the feature.

B-pictures were simply things to have on the screen while folks went to the concession stand before the beginning of the a picture.  As a result they didn’t have big budgets and ran about 70 minutes or so and were pretty much forgettable except to film maniacs (like myself)

Anyway the tradition of b pictures taking up time is still going strong with the Syfi cannels made for TV films – they are cheaply done and don’t make a whole lot of sense.

An example of this is 2005’s Mansquito.

Now with a title like Mansquito, you can’t really be expecting a lot of originality but here the writers of the film seem to have gone out of their way to stuff every cliché possible into the film –

The back-story is given in a crawl there is a variety of the west Nile virus that is much more deadly than the current version and massive attempts are underway to find a way to control mosquitoes.

We start with our very first cliché – a psychotic killer is being transported in a prison bus and we notice that he has the standard homemade handcuff lock pick.  I was wondering if maybe Hannibal Lector hands them out.

Meantime Cliché #2 we have the Hot  Scientist we know she is hot because when she takes off her biohazard suit she’s wearing a Ripley from Alien style wife beater t-shirt.  She is angry at the head of the chemical company who she works for because he’s trying to rush the cure for the virus because it will be a gold mine. (Cliché #3) she then says we haven’t even tested this on humans yet (#4) and the company chief says “not yet. (#5) explaining the transporting of the psycho killer.

Now just a side bar here

You know just once I would like to have somebody say you know that maybe using a psychopathic killer in the prime of his life as medical suspect is not a good idea considering how dangerous he is, couldn’t we just test this on the old guy who poisoned his wife? (I understand we don’t do this sort of thing anymore – at least as long as Trump isn’t president)

Anyway in addition to testing a vaccine for the virus – the Hot Scientist is also trying to reduce the number of misquotes that can carry the virus by exposing them to radiation (#6) I mean what could possibly go wrong?

Well of course, the killer escapes – (#7) kills a bunch of people (#8) and then is both covered in the formula and exposed to radiation (#8) and then screaming in pain escapes the lab via the sewers underneath the lab (#9).  In addition, the Hot Scientist is also splashed by the goo but it doesn’t seem to have affected here.

Meantime Hot Scientists boyfriend is a cop (who is also narrating the action of the film) who is on the case of the killer – who as we watch is painfully transformed into the Mansquito – he then goes on a blood-sucking rampage (#10).

The film continues like this – turns out that having turned into a Mansquito he now wants to breed and it’s the Hot Scientists (HS) is his only potential mate as she is slowly turning into what I suppose you’d call the femsquito –(#11)  while telling the boyfriend (who is dumber than a bag full of hammers) (#12) that “he’s more mosquito than man”.

As side note, his skin or exoskeleton is bullet proof – but nobody thinks to maybe try poison gas? I think in this  one case using DDT might be allowable.

More stuff happens until at the end the HS realizing that her transformation is not reversible sacrifices herself to kill the Mansquito.  (I stopped counting by this point in the film).

HS is dead and the cop boyfriend is left to finish the report and then write something weird about how there is always a new day in an odd attempt to attach a positive spin to a movie that mostly featured bodies.

No good but lacking the madness that the best bad movie  this is the film version of pasteurized process cheessefood.

Enjoy with popcorn and artificial theater butter.