The Revenge of the 31 Days of Cheese – Day 6 – The Bride and the Beast.

While it is well known that Ed Wood directed some very very strange and bizarre films, it’s not as well known that he also was a screen writer and wrote some strange and odd films.

For example today’s slice of cheese – 1958’s Bride and Beast. Produced and directed by Adrian Weiss. It seems he’s related to Glen Weiss who produced Glen or Glenda. And the screen play is credited to Ed Wood, based on a story by – Adrian Weiss. Well we know who’s ball it was yes?

Anyway there are few obvious Ed Wood Touches in this film – The first thing we see is a stock shot of the lightning bolt at night – then we meet the bride and groom driving a little convertible – in broad daylight. Another Wood touch is that the Bride is wearing an angora sweater when we first see her.

Dan and Laura are newly married and will be spending their Honeymoon at Dan’s big creepy mansion in the middle of nowhere – Dan is a big game hunter so the house is filled with stuffed dead animals which even in the 50’s had to be a little off putting. Also as they pull up to the creepy mansion Dan mentions he has a live gorilla in the basement by the name of Spanky.

You know for a married couple even a newly married couple they don’t really know a lot about each other. She didn’t know that he has a pet gorilla named Spanky in the basement he doesn’t know that she has nightmares that cause her to wake up screaming . Still in Dan’s defense, Dan must have realized that saying “I have a pet gorilla named Spanky in my basement” while on a date would either a) mean he would never see that woman again or it could be interpreted as very very weird sexual come on and he would be lucky not to get slapped.

Anyway they arrive at the creepy mansion and Dan says that his houseboy (well it’s the 50’s and he’s a great white hunter) Taro is gone leaving them alone with Spanky.

And Dan introduces Laura to Spanky who seems quite taken with Laura who is not the least bit afraid of the overacting man in the gorilla suit. Spanky grabs her and she simply says – ‘let go you’re hurting me.” In a very very calm voice. Dan of course freaks out.

Afterwards they go off to do the honeymoon thing – as it’s the 50’s he’s dressed in bland pajamas while she’s in a nightgown looking thing with angora or some such (Ed Wood must has insisted).

We cut to Spanky who is in a fine rage and after a while breaks out of his cage and goes upstairs. Laura is sitting in a chair smoking (it’s the 50’s) and suddenly finds herself face to face with and angry Spanky. Dan wakes up and pops a few rounds into Spanky who overacting to the end gives an Ed Kean style death scene finally falling through a banister. Dan then goes to comfort Laura and they go back to sleep – presumably leaving the dead ape in the living room for Taro to clean up.

Laura then dreams of Africa and animals and such. We see stock footage (get used to that) and then more stock footage and then when Laura in her dream looks into a pool of water she sees that she is a gorilla – at which point she wakes up screaming. She does that a lot she say to her husband who is a bit put off by that but in a effort to comfort her tells her to forget it and then gives her drugs.

It’s the next morning – Taro is making breakfast (one assumes after having dragged the body of Spanky out of the living room) and Dan has gone off to get a doctor. The happy couple are going on safari to Africa in a day or two and having someone who wakes up screaming all the time is going to a little hard to deal with in the brush.

The doctor – who is a typically odd Ed Wood medical man hypnotizes Laura and then tries a past life regression -(this was about the time of Bridey Murphy case so it was in the public eye ) and we find out that Laura had been a gorilla in a past life.

Okay – that’s’ kind of weird. But what’s weirder is that everybody goes ‘huh that’s odd’ and then totally ignores this until about 10 minutes from the end. What we have after that is, once we have the standard African stock footage out of the way, is a really odd plot point sidebar where two tigers escape into the African brush.

The only reason I can think they did this is that the film needed padding out and the best stock footage they had was from some movie set in India about man eating tigers so Ed did what he could do with what he had – ‘escaped tigers in Africa! Brilliant!” and off he went.

The director or someone was careful enough to have the actors dress like the folks in the stock footage which honestly if Ed had been directing I don’t think that would have been the case.

So as I said the rest of the film until about 10 minutes from the end is taken up with the hunt for the stock footage tigers. During this time Dan proves he is about the worst shot of any great white hunter and Taro isn’t much better. Neither of them can hit the broad side of a barn with a rifle never mind a tiger.

Anyway the chase of the tigers has led them into gorilla country (it is mentioned in passing – I can hear Ed muttering ‘brilliant’ to himself as he is typing. They way I am tempted to do from time to time alas) and at some point Laura puts on an India Sari and is attacked by a tiger – she falls from a height is injured and then Dan kills the tiger or actually a very fake looking tiger doll with a knife – the other tiger has been taken care of earlier.

He tends his wife’s wounds sends Taro out to be menaced by stock footage of a black panther (which aren’t in Africa either) Laura begins to dream of gorillas and then wakes up and when she exits the tent – there is Spanky – well not Spanky but it’s the same guy in the same gorilla suit. Dan who tending his own injuries doesn’t notice the ape until it’s too late (and his gun jams – really this guy is just hopeless at this hunter stuff) and the Gorilla – well let’s call him Spanky because it’s fun to carries off the not unwilling Laura (who one assumes from the head injury has regressed to her previous gorilla life ) into a cave. Yes gorillas don’t live in caves but come on the movies going to end soon so just roll with it.

Inside the cave more gorillas join in what looks to be worshiping the mute Laura as the queen of the gorillas – or the queen of some really bad moth eaten looking gorilla suits I mean wow they are bad looking – Dan tracks them to the cave but proves as inept at dealing with gorillas as he was hitting a tiger with a rifle shot and he his left unconscious on the floor as Spanky takes Laura to some other part of the forest – yes the gorilla gets the girl.

We fade out from that to find the whole story has been a flashback with Dan telling the weird doctor what happened and that he hasn’t seen her since that day. The doctor says some weird things and then we close on the expressionless Dan and fade out with a repeat shot of the happy couple Spanky and Laura.

Not quite as awful as some of Ed’s work – I suspect because he didn’t direct it – but it does lack a lot of that weird poetry that Ed’s films can have which makes it a dull slog at times especially with the tiger hunt and setting up this gorilla in a former life plot point and then dropping until the very end of films is rather jarring as well.

Enjoy with a Grilled Cheese sandwich and a banana.